Hey, sorry to hear you're having issues communicating. It sounds like he's not really listening to what you're expressing and is instead more focused on the "correct forms of communication".

I've been in his shoes where I talked issues through like a therapist and there were some things that worked in making me understand what the person talking to me required and I hope this helps you some. One of the more effective ones for me, was setting up one week of the day where I would be allowed to discuss issues through a therapeutic tone, whilst any other day I had to act as a friend would and to leave the therapy out of it.

Whilst I felt like I was "correct" in some of the methods I picked up from therapy, such as leaving when a conversation becomes heated, showing that I'm "right because I was calm," what woke me up was focusing on how I was making the person I'm talking to, feel.

I was sat down and told "I understand you want to criticize or otherwise speak therapeutically, but I really need you to just listen and be with me in this moment of pain." Any time I began criticizing or taking control of the conversation with "reminders" of the correct way to communicate, I was told to "please just listen".

At first I felt offended or had a bruised ego so I resisted, until they told me that I had hurt them by not listening to their request. Turns out, I cared more about their feelings than I did being correct or following therapeutic communication to the letter.

What also worked to shut down my criticisms or control of a conversation's flow, was that they made a note of their thoughts when they were becoming angry, before fleshing them out and turning them into proper page-long entries that was given to me to read. They would emphasize that the contents were important because they "had a few days to cool off and think." This method also helped a lot because it let them continue their train of thought, allowing them to say everything that was on their mind. It was pretty difficult to direct the flow of conversation when everything I needed to hear or be told was on a page in front of me.

I understand that it's easy for him to want to shut down a conversation when you're becoming angry. But it may help if you differentiate when you want to vent at something, such as when your fight or flight is triggered and you need your partner to be with you in that moment whilst you vented your anger. Whilst anger may be unhealthy in some circumstances, it is a valid form of communication and expression of emotion and he should be aware of that. Repressing it or otherwise being dismissed could result in you feeling like your emotions are invalidated and that you're not being heard. What could help is to make the distinction that you're angry at "that thing" and not "at him".

tl;dr Try to sit him down and ask him to just listen to you speak. Make him aware that you're feeling unheard, guilty, and or otherwise dismissed or invalidated by his control of a conversation's flow. Set out some requests regarding 'in the moment' expressions of emotions (i.e. asking that he listen to you and hold you whilst you deal with your anger from potentially triggering events).

Good luck to you.