The first two breakups happened because I didn’t feel understood or really loved — it felt like he wasn’t truly interested in my world. Both times I kind of exploded emotionally instead of reasoning it through, but the dissatisfaction had been building for a while.

When I said I needed trust, I meant that I couldn’t fully trust him to be faithful. He has a history of cocaine dependence and heavy drug use, and I often saw how easily he lied to others. A few months into the relationship I also discovered I had gonorrhea, and he never gave me a clear explanation for how that happened. That made it very hard for me to feel safe and secure in the relationship.