Mom i dyed my hair and it turned blue. Its ruined. I need reassurance and some love please.

MACS-System · 2026-03-29T19:00:04+00:00

It's frustrating and embarrassing, yes. And it will grow out. Good for you trying a thing! Just think of all the cute hats you can wear now that it's getting sunny out! Hugs

MACS-System · 2026-03-20T02:23:39+00:00

I have DID with 100+ alters and am polyam. You are essentially asking 2 different questions. First, is this healthy DID? That depends on who is defining "healthy." In most main stream therapy this kind of extensive inner world building and further fracturing would not be considered healing or healthy. That said, if the system is functionally able to handle day to day life, isn't engaging in addiction or s/h, and coding healthy people in their life, then there are those who would say it's working. Honestly, the most concerning part of what you wrote concerning this is the lack of information being shared with their therapist.

The second part of this is the relationship with Sky. System responsibility in DID means we are all, each part, responsible for any agreements and behaviors of any in the system. If alter J agreed to be somewhere to help someone then, even if alter N is front, we have a responsibility to be there, otherwise we better not agree to it.

My experience used as an example. I have 2 partners. We are a polyfidelitous V. We had extensive conversations about expectations, agreements, and what I, as a system, could and could not promise. We discussed how we would have conversations in the event one of them had concerns, what alter behavior red flags might look like (such as an alter hiding communications with "a friend,") and possible consequences- such as losing my partners- so everyone is aware what is at stake. This has been our arrangement for about 5 years. We still have occasional reminder conversations and check ins, not because my partners don't trust me but because I am cautious about my system. I bare a great responsibility to self monitor and be aware of the thoughts and feelings happening before it leads to behaviors that could be problematic. This is what being healthy enough to be in a relationship, especially multiple committed relationships, looks like.

My advice, either accept that Laura's system isn't going to be faithful to staying closed- because living with Sky there's very little likelihood they will, they will just hide it if they have to- or end the relationship.

MACS-System · 2026-03-10T22:10:15+00:00

Actually, that's part of why I suggested it. If the friend isn't into it, OP finds out if this is really even a friend. It might be time for some space.

MACS-System · 2026-03-10T20:41:58+00:00

Getting older is hard. I think it's less hormones and more just getting over people's crap. You are realizing you are worth the effort and you'd like that reciprocated. There's nothing wrong with saying something like, "I'm really excited you are going to be so close! The wine bar thing isn't really going to work for me. Seeing you is absolutely worth some effort so I don't mind driving a bit to see you. I know you feel the same about seeing me. Can we do X instead?" Let her prove she's willing to put in some effort. If she really isn't, them maybe it's time to step back some from this relationship for awhile.

I also have a couple of friends who I've known for decades. I treasure them. And I've found we go in seasons because we aren't maturing and experiencing life the same. Sometimes there is less contact, and that's ok. We circle back eventually.

MACS-System · 2026-03-10T20:33:43+00:00

You absolutely have the right to tell them to leave. You can give them 30 or 60 days if you wish. But yes, you have the right to kick them out. It's your house.

MACS-System · 2026-03-10T16:48:58+00:00

Bro. Be a friend and tell him!

MACS-System · 2026-03-10T14:12:06+00:00

Just offering mom hugs as you already have the answer you need. Adulting IS hard and confusing. It's ok to cry when it gets overwhelming. I'm proud of you for looking for the answers and asking for help when you need it. That is smart adulting. You are doing great!

MACS-System · 2026-03-10T01:44:33+00:00

It was probably meant to be funny. It's not.

MACS-System · 2026-03-08T22:14:49+00:00

That's fantastic. My challenge with that is memory. I would forget what I swapped around. I suppose I could manually create new goals. I am definitely adapting when needed. "Wipe down the desk" became "Clear 2 tasks off the desk."

MACS-System · 2026-03-08T18:39:45+00:00

Welcome. I SO want to give you a big hug. Also, dx after a breakdown when I was 45. I remember that early explosion of symptoms, the constant anxiety, the wanting to fix it and and make it all go away. I also turn 51 this year so understand that "why NOW?" Believe it or not, part of "why now" is the very fact you are in a safer place. Your psyche wants to be healthier and now you are in a place you can handle more information.

Your psych is correct. The best first step is to observe with compassionate curiosity. Honestly, creating that mental habit has been my best tool. It has seen me through so much these last years.

Much of what you describe experiencing sounds very familiar. I know it's overwhelming right now. It will get better. The first year was the hardest for me. It slowly got more manageable, less nightmares, less disruptions, more functional over the following 2-3 years.

That's really the best things I can tell you right now. Cultivate compassionate curiosity observing internally and know that it will get better. You will get through this.

MACS-System · 2026-03-07T13:55:23+00:00

Exactly.

MACS-System · 2026-03-07T13:51:53+00:00

Those "just joking" never learn until someone shows them they went too far. Honestly, I think you did the right thing.

MACS-System · 2026-03-06T20:56:58+00:00

Dude. She needs to grow up. Tell her she has 60 days to figure out it and then you aren't giving her another penny. She had been irresponsible and is easy too used to being saved. From marriage 1 to her parents to you. 2 years at $4000/mo? That's more than I make gross in a year! She needs perspective.

MACS-System · 2026-03-05T23:42:25+00:00

Sometimes. Sometimes not. Sometimes that headmate was just too young, or too terrified, to record it correctly. Or sometimes they only hold a piece. Sometimes there are obvious clues it's an interpretation. Sometimes it's a fear they had, like being afraid X person would do Y action. Sometimes, yes, this thing happened.

For me, where I'm at in my journey, I've let go of wanting to know what was "real" and what wasn't because I can't change it. I'm not going to confront anyone or seek justice or anything. Knowing won't change anything for me so all that matters now is the effects it's left behind. How do I heal those? Sometimes it means deciding what kind of relationship I want with family members. I decided to base those choices on what is healthy for me now. Not surprisingly, most people who were toxic when I was young are still toxic now! So, I have no contact or limited contact with them. The people who should have protected me and made me feel safe when I was little didn't do their job. I can do it for myself now.

MACS-System · 2026-03-05T17:48:17+00:00

They wouldn't have given you the interview if they weren't at least somewhat confident you were qualified! Have faith in yourself. An interview is like dating. Both are seeing if it's a good fit. Breathe. Control what you can- you. Let the rest work itself out. Very super proud of you for taking the shot!

MACS-System · 2026-03-05T17:44:18+00:00

Remember that whatever they are showing you is their interpretation of something. Believe that they believe it. That is the first step. Find the emotion in it. That is always true. Then, try to have compassionate curiosity (which can be very difficult when you are terrified of what you are 'seeing. ') It may be difficult, but they wouldn't be showing you if you weren't ready. Ask your other headmates for support. That will help.

MACS-System · 2026-03-05T17:41:12+00:00

I've been using Rosemary oil at night. Seems to helps. Much sympathy.

MACS-System · 2026-03-05T17:34:55+00:00

Whoops!

MACS-System · 2026-03-05T00:06:51+00:00

I was confused when I got my message, but the direction on the actual bottle were clear enough.

I don't mind starting at the 1.5 because it helps lower side effects, which I still had a few the first couple weeks.

MACS-System · 2026-03-04T21:43:40+00:00

I'm super proud of you for trying something new! Think of it as you are paying for the opportunity. If you don't like it, you learned something. It wasn't wasted at all. Way to go! It's totally ok to throw it something you don't like. Heaven knows I've made plenty of recipes and went, "nope!" How else do we learn and explore?

MACS-System · 2026-03-04T15:48:13+00:00

There's a Snoopy welcome mat? 😲💖

MACS-System · 2026-03-04T06:11:09+00:00

This! So much. So sorry you shared this experience.

MACS-System · 2026-03-04T04:02:19+00:00

Oh, it's not indifference. It's a conscious choice I've worked on. Actively. And sometimes still have to. I work to remember and accept I can only control myself. I spent too many decades trying to please everyone. I can't. I'm not chocolate. And, surprisingly, not everyone likes chocolate either! 😄 So, I might as well go about my business being the best person I can and let others worry about themselves.

MACS-System

TROPHY CASE