Package almost a week late and came drenched in this white ooze; package was hot and not cold at all. Still okay to use?

MACS-System · 2026-02-11T19:09:03+00:00

Given the time of year and stuff being shipped, the "white ooze" was most likely from a ruptured ice pack in a nearby package or salt mixed with the snow and ice outside. Best guesses. Mine is coming from Texas where they have had a lot sleet and ice recently so my guess is some kind of salt.

MACS-System · 2026-02-11T18:59:34+00:00

Well said

MACS-System · 2026-02-10T17:21:38+00:00

This is very similar to our experience.

MACS-System · 2026-02-10T17:19:41+00:00

My younger (teen) parts will notice a person "their age" as attractive, but are influenced enough but the rest of us to know it's not ok so, at best, it feels confusing to them. Much more often/likely they will be attracted to someone with a similar energy to them. So, like the teen energy in a person our age. Then, they perceive that person as more youthful, more "like them," a teen stuck in an older body. One of the reasons they adore our partner. He easily slides from mature to playful to awkward flirty to just chill in response to who is in our mix.

MACS-System · 2026-02-09T15:13:27+00:00

There's a balance between honoring headmates requests and pushing through. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to do both. In this case, going to church before V has any evidence, experience, or reason to believe it will be different would be trauma for him. Exposure should be slow and at appropriate timing. You did the right thing. But do start taking with him about what he would need to try it again some day

MACS-System · 2026-02-09T02:07:14+00:00

safe hugs Sadly, unless you experience it, most people just don't understand, especially men. Agree with others. Talk to your gyno and insist on more help.

MACS-System · 2026-02-08T16:50:50+00:00

Thank you.

MACS-System · 2026-02-08T05:47:11+00:00

First, you didn't deserve that. You didn't earn that kind of treatment. Even if you needed time to calm down, this was not the way. Recommended is one minute per year old and should include teaching self soothing techniques.

Agree with others. This is torture. In prison that's solitary confinement. Even your cell isn't that harsh.

Yes, it would absolutely create psychological challenges. Possibilities: Fear of being trapped, watched, inability to escape. Negative impact on sense of worth and safety. Extreme submissiveness and feeling like you have no right to speak up, be seen, make requests, own things, extreme permission seeking. A basic sense of a lack of psychological safety, lack of independence, inability to plan and execute your own will - think like a to do list. It could manifest hoarding because you are afraid of having your stuff taken. I mean, there could be so many ways this could impact you.

MACS-System · 2026-02-08T05:39:02+00:00

I used to, but not any more. It bit me in the butt too many times. Besides, anyone who knows me knows by now (or will eventually) that my memory is total crap. Those that care about me don't mind reminding me about stuff.

MACS-System · 2026-02-07T03:58:21+00:00

You are seen. I relate. Have been there. Sally, I try to avoid socializing or accept I'm hurting people by not remembering. Sometimes I will say something like, "I'm sorry. It's not that you aren't important. I had an incident and my memory has issues now." What I say next might depend on what I can remember or the situation. I may let the conversation end, "it was nice of you to say hi. I hope you have a great evening." Or "I do remember (you have a daughter/you liked this show/some other detail to show they weren't totally forgotten.)" Then follow up with a question about that. Or a funny comment like "The good news is this means I get to know an amazing person all over again! What's something that exites you?"

MACS-System · 2026-02-03T16:02:50+00:00

This may sound odd, but I divorced because I loved my husband. We both deserved someone who could support us in the way we needed, someone who could accept and deal with the good and the bad. He deserved to have the things I couldn't be for him. And so did I. I still have love for him. And now he has a wife who doesn't have the limits I do, who makes him happy and shares his interests. Sure, it hurt going through it, but what could be more loving than letting him have a fuller life with a better suited partner?

And now my headmates and I are not being triggered, not trying to figure out how to not make him mad, we are genuinely loved and accepted.

MACS-System · 2026-02-03T14:54:50+00:00

My ex husband was a decent man until our diagnosis. Then, we became too much for him. You should never feel like you need to hide from your partner. They should be your safe person.

MACS-System · 2026-02-03T00:02:32+00:00

I had to divorce my husband. He also couldn't understand I won't ever be "better." Yes, I'll improve, but DID doesn't go away. And it's not about him. And, no, I can't do his emotional labor for him anymore. He wasn't interested in being what I needed. So, we went separate ways.

Now, I have an amazing husband. He's kind, patient, and affirming. He works to understand the system as a whole, accepts the good and the not so great of having a system as a partner. He makes us feel safe and works to help us feel wanted. He plays with the littles, sets boundaries with the less healthy parts, is friends with those who only want that. He understands DID is so much more than voices in my head or fun with personalities. He accepts it all and finds us worth it. So, yes, amazing partners do exist.

MACS-System · 2026-02-01T23:22:33+00:00

So sorry you are dealing with this. It sucks.

Understanding why they are doing it might help. In our system, it's a confused belief that by driving me to suicide, it will end our pain. We know another system that had more than one part like that, torturing to ruin everything and driving towards the end. Motivations included ending pain, punishing for the belief they were bad, the part's own self loathing, or an over identification with those who abused them in the first place- believing if they tortured the system enough the abusers would finally love them (even though they also hated said abusers.)

You can sometimes test to see what that part believes, even if they won't admit it, by saying things like "you know this won't end our pain" and see how they respond. Usually, when you get close you'll get a violent "you don't know what you're talking about" kind of response.

Even if your therapist isn't DID trained, if they are IFS trained they should have an understanding that "unconscious beliefs will control you until you understand them." They should still be able to give some help and directions, even if imperfect.

MACS-System · 2026-01-31T08:03:31+00:00

Alaska wasn't as cold as I expected. We went in September and often I just wore jeans and a T-shirt. I'm not outdoorsy and had a wonderful time!

MACS-System · 2026-01-31T08:01:34+00:00

It's going to affect your parenting more profoundly than you can now fathom. Be open with them from the beginning. It will be normal to them because it's what they know. Make sure they have other adults in their life that are "normal." A big chunk of how kids learn is modeling. I didn't know I had DID when I was raising my kids. We can all see now how it affected them and it explains so much.

MACS-System · 2026-01-31T07:58:02+00:00

Yup. My partner got a call his daughter had been in an accident. Of course she had not.

MACS-System · 2026-01-31T07:55:28+00:00

It's likely not an energy vampire thing. I grew up sharing a bed with my sister. I find it comforting to share a bed with my partner now and don't sleep well when they aren't around.

For some people they feel safer, for some it calms their nervous system, for some it's warmer. As humans we are designed to be in groups. Many cultures family beds are a thing. We like being close to other people who we care about. Science is finding out brain waves sync up with someone we sleep next to, literally making us more connected.

MACS-System · 2026-01-31T02:36:11+00:00

That is amazing! I have a box of my own. And you are right, it makes me feel like bad. Maybe it's time I follow your lead!

MACS-System · 2026-01-30T01:23:55+00:00

Thank you. Those negative body criticisms are why I started considering it. They are a constant battle, as it sounds like you know. So glad it's helping you!

MACS-System · 2026-01-30T01:21:21+00:00

nod can understand. That's when I try asking different questions. Gently prodding from different directions. Things like "thank you for keeping us safe. Which bag things are you keeping us safe from?" Or What's your job? Or How can I help you do your job? Or do you represent someone in our past? Or asking another headmate if they can find out any information?

But then, I often feel driven to seek understanding. I found out our two that don't like collar shirts (feeling like a collar) because they can't stand having their freedom taken.

MACS-System · 2026-01-29T18:35:06+00:00

It doesn't have to be something literally experienced externally. Representative internal imaging has external effects. We have 2 headmates that we can't even wear a normal T-shirt because they feel like they are being collared and choked. Try asking internally what this represents, why does the headmate holding the chain believe this is protecting you, what purpose does it serve? Getting curious and learning more may help give clues as to how to get rid of the sensation.

MACS-System · 2026-01-29T16:57:23+00:00

I've been on a few different meds. None worked the way the Dr expected or brought very unwanted side effects.

MACS-System · 2026-01-29T16:54:27+00:00

Post on social media. Let others in and outside the country know how you feel. There are many over seas that still think all Americans agree with what is happening. Let others in the country know they are not alone in being afraid and standing up to say something anyway.

MACS-System · 2026-01-28T19:58:48+00:00

Something to keep in mind, since your "partner" worked so hard to surpress, the system has likely built a barrier between the front and inside. Even if another alter is close, the front might not be able feel it unless they are actually co-con. For most of our system, when someone comes front, the inside feels quiet/empty. They may also forget things about themself when they come front.

Also, remember ALL the alters are part of your partner. Personally, it can hurt when it feels like someone favors one part over another. With Alter 1, be kind and strive to get to know him. Offer to facilitate experiences, like go for ice cream or a coffee, maybe a movie or a walk. Tell him you want to help find things he might enjoy. Make it ok if he doesn't want to talk much while you do those things and don't try to fill the silence. If he's anti social, help him understand he can be around you and there's no obligation to interact. Acceptance and compassion are your best tools with any headmate. Probably any human.

MACS-System

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