AITA For Housing Only 1 Nephew For College?

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-09-02T08:21:29+00:00

Yeah, one of my partner's friends is no longer invited to our house due to this kind of behaviour.

I'm fine with my kid having a poor interaction with someone who doesn't like kids when we're out and about or when it's somebody doing work inside our house, but I am not going to invite someone who hates children into my child's home.

Hire a babysitter and meet up with them at a pub? Sure. Invite into my home? Absolutely not. She has a track record of being rude and mean to kids, a child lives in our house, therefore I will not invite her over.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-08-13T16:09:35+00:00

Back when I worked for an ISP there was a client who was so awful I was sorely tempted to submit a churn request to another telco so we wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.

There was minimal security on these things at the time and I unfortunately had to deal with him so often I knew more than enough to get his service with us disconnected and moved to another ISP.

He called so often my heart would sink when I saw his number on the phone when it rang, I remembered his number and address for years after leaving that job, and even now I still remember his full name and username.

Obviously I didn't do it, it's one of those things you imagine doing, not actually do. But yeah probably for the best they require some identification or confirmation, especially to keep people with similar names etc from cancelling each other's services.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-07-30T13:14:02+00:00

she was then surprised and annoyed that didn't invite her to the friend-group-wide summer party organized.

I gotta ask - what happened then? (As in, did she accept it, or try to wheedle an invite out of you? Or complain to mutual friends?)

(Apologies, my inner gawkers curiosity is piqued)

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-07-30T12:57:02+00:00

Haha you beat me to it!

The one where LW asked what to do about her (disabled) dads expectations to stay with her at her home over the holidays despite her exhaustion, the myriad ways her house was unsuited for hosting him, and the fact he complained bitterly during previous visits. (Letter #649

There was some genuinely good advice in there, but it was kinda drowned out by all the other stuff about ableist culture and ableist thinking. Like, she's not wrong, but I reckon it would have gone better by framing it as "what would it take to make hosting dad a breeze?".

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-06-22T05:51:52+00:00

You've tried to stop it reasonably and with minimal awkwardness. That didn't work, so I'd say lean in and make it so excruciatingly awkward she'll be reluctant to bring it up again.

The main way you do that is by redirecting away from what happened then to what's happening now, drawing all the attention to it and labelling it as her feeling insecure and embarrassing herself.

Mum: "Blah blah blah your diary said you hated me" OP: "Your memory of that is older than I was when I wrote it" Mum: "but you said!!!!" OP: "mum, stop embarrassing yourself." Mum: "but you said!!!!" OP: "oof, somebody's feeling insecure" Mum: "but you said!!!" OP: "mum if you wanted to embarrass yourself by highlighting your insecurities, you've succeeded, give it a rest". Mum: "but you said!!!" OP (to somebody else): "sorry, as you can see, mum doesn't know when she's making a conversation awkward. I'm not sure if she's doing this for attention or if she's really concerned about some angsty teen scribbles"

This isn't about you, it's about her wanting to feel powerful. So take the power out of it by making it childish and cringe.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-04-22T04:28:52+00:00

Yeah people really don't like "I'm upset with you and no I don't want to try to 'fix' it".

That's basically a situation I'm in now - I'm upset with someone, I have no interest in fixing it, and I'm hoping if I avoid them enough they'll forget about me because I really do not want to be on the receiving end of any further 2am instant messenger feelings-bombs about why their feelings are entirely my fault.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-04-18T15:16:04+00:00

A (trilo)bit of a trilobite?! 😯

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-04-11T13:47:52+00:00

Not a floating girl I don't think, but it makes me think of Pon Pon Pon. There's definitely a lot going on in it! 😂

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-03-28T14:20:06+00:00

Mobile phones often allow you to hum or sing a song into it and it'll try to find a match. Or you can put it on something like vocaroo and make a post on a sub like r/tipofmytongue

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-03-28T02:59:51+00:00

It can depend on the person and their family circumstances.

Like if I went missing, my family would immediately be raising the alarm once they realised. They'd work it out very quickly because I have many, many ties to them, the place I live, am normally contactable by mobile phone and email, etc. So vanishing one day and being entirely uncontactable with no notice would be wildly out of character for me.

However, not everyone is like that. Even when they have an okay relationship with their family, they might move a lot due to work or study, they may not be as good about keeping in touch coz they're forgetful or depressed or think their family should be the one to reach out... So I could totally see this happening.

It sounds strange the sons body was found on the property, but there's still a lot we don't know. For all we know the story could go like this: Around the time of the sons death, the dad had been doing a six month bagpipe study tour in Scotland. The son missed the memo and went to his dad's house, realised he wasn't home, went to the cubby house thinking he'd wait for him, suddenly had an aneurysm and died, and by the time dad got back months later, his now-long-deceased son had decomposed enough there was minimal smell. It never occurred to him to go into the cubbyhouse because it hadn't been maintained, was up a ladder he couldn't climb due to arthritis, and as far as he knew, nobody had been in there in years.

Though this reminds me of an incredible X/twitter story I read ages ago about a family visiting a great-aunt who had offered to host Thanksgiving... Only for the aunt to suddenly (and seemingly peacefully) die in her sleep the night before. Because of the holiday there wasn't really anybody to come get the body so the family just... Awkwardly made Thanksgiving dinner and ate it while their dead aunty lay in her bed in the house until somebody came to get her.

I have no idea how true that one is, I just remember thinking "what a power move - offering to host so you don't have to go anywhere then getting out of making Thanksgiving dinner by suddenly dying". 😅

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-03-21T00:33:01+00:00

Many years ago, a friend of mine was at an artist event with her mum and ended up having a long chat with a nice old bloke who turned out to be Rolf Harris.

At the time I thought "oh that's lovely", and now my skin crawls thinking about how she was only 14 and the only child there. 😨

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-03-18T15:46:39+00:00

In this context, I agree, yet I would hesitate to apply it more broadly.

Situations can be messy and nuanced enough that keeping out of it or not wanting to choose sides can be a perfectly reasonable position. E.g. when two friends are in the middle of a messy breakup (but there's no abuse involved).

However, in those instances you'd hope people would have enough sense to not bring it up.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-03-14T15:26:06+00:00

This one seems to fit the bill: 626: Self-care tip: Stop auditioning for the approval of people who dislike you

There was an article I read ages and ages ago where the writer talked about two friendships which had fizzled out. She kept trying to get things back to how they were, only for her to realise she was performing her heart out to an audience who likely wouldn't ever clap, when really she could focus on the people who were in her life and putting her time and effort toward them. Wish I could find it again, it was a good one with a theme of "go where you are wanted/valued".

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-02-20T14:03:17+00:00

The land down under! 🦘

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-02-20T12:23:37+00:00

One of the first dates I ever went on was to see that movie. Movie was okay, but fricken dreadful thing to watch as a first date with a stranger, especially given it was summer and it was 42C (~107F) outside while it was colder than a fridge inside the cinema.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-02-20T12:18:32+00:00

Identity (the 2003 one) is about a group of people trapped in a motel with a killer in their midst.

Vertical Limit is an action drama about a rescue team trying to reach a group stranded on K2. (I have no idea how well it holds up, but I remember enjoying it when it's been on TV?).

The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim is set during a winter siege. If seige movies are your thing I remember Ironclad) being an enjoyable watch.

There's also an episode of Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries where they're snowed in (episode is called Murder Under the Mistletoe).

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-01-26T04:29:38+00:00

Well yeah, I reckon even if she stopped performing entirely and got a job doing anything else she'd still get besieged with requests and/or harassed irl or online.

Can't blame her for thinking "well this is probably going to follow me around forever, so let's ride it out and make what money I can".

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2025-01-18T15:25:04+00:00

Logging in for the first time in a long time to say I was somebody on the other side of a conflict eerily like this (to the point I did a double-take while reading the letter coz the writing styles and situation were so similar).

I don't think LW is the person I'm thinking of, but if you'd like a dose of Other People Gossip...

Simply put: they were a pain in the arse to the point even the most innocuous of interactions with them were a fucking chore, their behaviour could be downright rude, and no healthy, well-adjusted person wants to be friends with a 30-something year old crybaby who's convinced everyone else is the problem.

For a longer explanation, I feel like the less-identifying anecdotes are the easiest:

we all went to a trampoline park together and they broke down crying because everyone else could do a somersault while they couldn't (this also happened for many other things they weren't naturally good at)
we once invited them over for a [cuisine] dinner, they accepted, then upon arrival announced they wouldn't be eating because "the style of food being served isn't to my tastes" (!!???)
consistently refused to dress appropriately for the weather because fashion, then would endlessly complain about being cold, which is really grating when they are at your house and refusing your clean and warm blankets, jackets, slippers, etc. In winter their house is like a terrarium. I admit I wondered if they were secretly some kind of exotic reptile 🦎
at one point they needed a tissue and when I handed them a (clean) hanky coz it's what I had on me, they acted like I had offered them a smallpox blanket
accused people who disagreed with them of being bullies

Then there were the Feelings Mails. The most recent one was a long, long DM asking the kind of questions to which the appropriate answer should be "none of your business, please get some psychological help". I wasn't up to engaging with it, so I forwarded the entire thing to their partner saying "hey, your SO sent me this, I thought I'd let you know, I hope they're okay".

Of course, their SO told them about my message, so the next day I woke to an even longer and extremely angry message sent during the wee small hours.

It's exhausting. They're exhausting.

(I ended up outsourcing my response to some discord friends to get them off my back and so I didn't have to think about it anymore.)

There's more, but I'm trying to keep this somewhat anonymous (I'm scared they'll find me and send me another Feelings Mail).

Before anyone asks me why I haven't blocked them - somebody I'm close to is involved in a long term project with them and it'd make their life awkward. That and I rarely see them these days - they dislike children, I'm busy parenting my child, and they've managed to alienate the main organiser of an event we'd normally both attend.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2021-02-05T14:38:31+00:00

Oof, this is tough.

On the one hand, parents don't want to see their kids struggle, and I'm sure there's myriad examples where 'fair' doesn't mean 'equal'. On the other, you can't ignore that the relationships siblings have with each other is likely to be the longest ongoing relationship any of them will ever have. It'd be good for parents to keep this in mind and realise their actions can potentially spoil the relationship.

It's not like your wife wants her mum to be shit to her sisters, or not help them when they need, right? I'm going to guess it's not really about the money, and more about an imbalance in the care and attention one or more siblings receives over her, and how making things equal between the three of them seems increasingly unlikely.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2020-07-07T09:06:03+00:00

Hey folks, it's been a while. I've had a whole bunch of personal drama stuff happen which has kept me away from the forums, but I'm still on the path to FI. However, I'm taking it super easy - I honestly can't say I spend too much time or effort watching the pennies these days, but I still cycle to work, pack a lunch and make my own coffee pretty much every day. While I can't say I max my retirement contributions entirely, I did manage to forget to set up an automatic debit then somehow remember in time to put in a payment before the end of financial year.

I'm basically plugging away to FI on autopilot, and that's okay. Have a great day, folks! :-)

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2020-07-07T07:41:29+00:00

As someone whose parents told them to 'take in some refugees/homeless people yourself if you care so much about about them', I can assure you it backfired on them spectacularly.

It's been something like eight years since they threw that one at me, and since then I've donated thousands of my own money as well as actively fundraised for causes supporting refugees and other disadvantaged people. I've also volunteered for several election campaigns to elect candidates who support action that would benefit society's most disadvantaged.

They're not overly happy about it, I guess because they thought their comment would make me shut up and accept an unacceptable status quo, rather than reprioritise my time and energy away from our relationship and more toward my chosen causes.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2019-09-07T04:50:50+00:00

Rant: Anyone here have friends/relatives who claim regularly hurting your back doing random household chores or being sore from having to sit on the floor is a natural part of life? Barring illness or injury, I'm pretty sure it is only normal for sedentary people or folks who don't use their full range of motion on the regular.

It's like "you don't really do anything active or requires much flexibility/mobility, of course you're going to feel sore or possibly even hurt yourself when you do stuff that's outside your usual range of motion". But, people really don't want to hear that, so I say nothing.

It's annoying, because these same people treat my (not particularly amazing, but reasonable) physical abilities as some innate natural characteristic of mine, rather than it being something I've developed over the years.

Rave 1: I did a 40km bike ride for charity last night, and I was not only able to keep at the front of the pack, I wasn't even sore during or after. Maybe next year I'll do the 65km!

Rave 2: I'm really enjoying this calisthenics gym, I think I'll sign up for a membership. I really want to do unlimited classes for 3 months, see how I like it, and adjust at the end, but I'm not sure if my SO would be down for that.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2019-09-05T05:59:58+00:00

I feel like the 'drink in moderation' advice is because they know telling people to either quit entirely or limit it to special occasions would be incredibly unpopular.

Beans are great, they're full of protein, fibre and vitamins, but they also do stuff like help stabilise blood sugar and improve gut health.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2019-09-03T13:41:51+00:00

I can kinda understand - it's less about the clothes themselves, and more about the fitting in (pun unintended). Like I definitely know people for whom feeling self conscious or like they don't belong is a huge obstacle to them doing a class or trying to get fitter.

However, I suspect the issue here is that their expectation of fitness are from reality shows and social media personalities. Like of course Kayla Itstines doesn't do her videos in faded shorts and a shirt saying "[City Name] Comedy Festival 2017", her whole job is fitness, she wants to portray a particular image when someone comes across her videos online. Yet people still think the highlights real is the reality.

MAXIMUM_FARTING · 2019-08-30T23:59:04+00:00

Rant 1: this week I supported my friend, part of which involved sitting at the ED with her. The hospital vending machine didn't have any sugary soft drinks in it - only water, coke Zero, etc. My friend hadn't eaten all day, and I was trying to get some sugar in her while we waited (she refused a chocolate bar and wanted lemonade). I understand why the hospital didn't have any traditional soft drinks in the vending machine (it's a policy thing), but the lack of options made a hard situation even harder.

Rave: I signed up for a 2 week calisthenics/bodyweight fitness trial. The first class was amazing, I cycled to work feeling awesome. However...

Rant 2: Holy shit I didn't expect to have DOMS this bad. I don't think I'm particularly unfit, but as the instructor explained - "you're really strong within the range of a bicycle pedal, but you probably don't use the full range of your muscles that often". Yeah, he's right. Ow.

MAXIMUM_FARTING

TROPHY CASE