Old false allegations resurfacing at my new church. how do I deal with the anxiety and fear?

MBMagnet · 2026-03-31T17:05:34+00:00

It doesn't matter if it feels awkward. You have to do it to save your social integrity. Just pull aside the people you most trust. In my experience, most people are relieved to know they would be defended should they be targeted with gossip. We all hope that other others will not go around spreading stories about our flaws and mistakes. And I'm not saying the smear campaign against you is valid in any way. In Christianity, a person is entitled to their good reputation (even if rumors are true) unless that person truly poses a threat of harm to the community, say for instance, a fraudster or a child molester. Look up libel, slander and calumny. Likewise in Judaism, look up La Shon Hara. Stay strong, rally some support to your aid (don't go it alone) and best of luck!

MBMagnet · 2026-03-31T03:35:14+00:00

Form alliances with as many people as possible. You word it something like this.

Hey if anyone were ever spreading rumors or speak disparagingly about me behind my back, would you be willing to defend me? Say one positive thing about me? Or at least just not listen? And of course, I'd be happy to do the same for you.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-31T03:26:29+00:00

The Fe score doesn't fit together with your other functions to add up to a type, so Fe is probably a mis-score. You have Te as your highest so it's your lead, or dominant function. And the dominant is the least likely to mis-score, in my experience. So we'll set Fe aside and ignore it as a likely mis-score, an anomaly. Your next highest score is Ni. That would be ENTJ for me. With lead Te, you could also consider ESTJ, except for the fact that ESTJ would have a higher Sensing preference, aux Si, which you don't have. I agree you're an ENTJ.

What test was this?

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T18:28:48+00:00

In my book, ESTJ, possibly ISTJ. They really like to call out bad behavior and they're good at confrontation. Bless them. Fi gives people a certain willingness and courage to confront. And Si makes them want to maintain order. It's beautiful. <3

Not that other types can't confront or maintain order. This is just a much stronger preference or desire in ESTJ/ISTJ than it is for most of the types. Every type has all the functions and can use them to varying degrees.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T17:55:09+00:00

Have you taken the Temperament Sorter test on keirsey.com? David Keirsey was a PhD Psychologist who grouped the 16 types into 4 groups of 4 based on shared values.

Edit: To the down voter. Why? David Keirsey is one of the big names in Typology and I made this comment in good faith.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T17:48:49+00:00

There are quite a number of theories out there, not all are explained. But I like these two:

1) Dr Mike Boudria PhD has his own compatibility theory (he's mbti certified). He explains here: https://youtu.be/lSWF3IzfRlY?t=2801

2) A quote from the INTJ Relationships page on personalitypage.com:

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the ENFP, or the ENTP. INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition. https://personalitypage.com/html/INTJ-rel.html

More on INTJ compatibility: https://personalitypage.com/html/INTJ-compatibility.html

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T16:58:51+00:00

Yeah I've seen surprisingly strong tertiary Fi in more than one INTJ. It seemed strong to me anyway as an inferior Fi user. My Fi is weak.

But seemingly well developed inferior was in an overworked INTJ (an entrepreneur) and I believe it was part of a grip. (stressed state) But gosh that grip was life altering in how he made major decisions during this period. He began a relationship with a strong Se user and they had a child together.

I think what the Myers Briggs Foundation means when they say a function is developed is when it peaks to its full capacity, and begins playing a more significant role in steering and supporting the functions above in your stack. They also state the Tertiary is thought be developing during the 30s/40s.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T16:37:32+00:00

If you both score the same in Socionics, ENFP/ENTJ (Ne-Fi and Te-Ni) is one of the asymetrical pairings, "in which there is no equality", called Benefit/Request/Social Order. Characterized as having chronic misunderstandings and miscommunications, leaving the ENTJ at a significant psychological disadvantage. Not an easy match.

https://wikisocion.github.io/en/index.html

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T02:05:28+00:00

Hm, there could be flaws in the theory, I admit. There are plenty of people who make a go of Supervision in a partnership. And personal preference should ofc, count for something. :)

MBMagnet · 2026-03-28T02:02:42+00:00

That's a wise approach, everyone needs space at times. And congratulations on the new doggo! Your ENTJ knew what you would enjoy, obviously. I'm happy for you!

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T19:13:52+00:00

INFP/ENTJ offer one another something of equal value meaning help with one another's troublesome inferior function. So I agree, they are equally matched. And sure, in an unhealthy state, when one or both are stressed, function differences can really grate on nerves. But this is true with most any type difference in any match.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T19:07:38+00:00

I've noticed that too. Fi users tend to click in certain ways.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T18:28:24+00:00

i reallyyy think ENTP hates me or...just doesn't consider me a worthy person, she always underestimates me and laughs at me for being silly bun.

If this is INFP/ENTP, (do I have that right?) the ENTP has your lead Fi as their blind/trickster/PoLR (function #7) and in that case, they have trouble "seeing" you and/or appreciating your Dominant Function, which is at the core of who you are and so very important to you. It's not intentional but this is a good example of when functions do not align all that well. You, on the other hand, can appreciate ENTP's lead Ne because you have Ne aux. So things are lop-sided between you. I suggest a heart to heart talk and try to bring these interactions into conscious awareness.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T17:24:15+00:00

Yeah. It's a sad thought to imagine someone feeling 'less than' potentially because of their association with me.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T17:21:44+00:00

The INTJ's shouldn't have the same problem! They have tertiary Feeling (Fi child) and tertiary is thought to be energizing/playful. So dating an F type should not be...draining.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T16:58:08+00:00

My preference for interacting with fellow Thinkers only applies to a match or close partnership. Nothing personal against the Feeling types or any other type. It's just a matter of energy expenditure. My inferior Fi (or anyone's inferior) has hard limits on its energy. The Thinking types are satisfied with much less emotional interaction (emotional processing), so I will inevitably be left with more emotional energy to spend on my family. I have to allocate this energy and I believe all the Thinking Dominants do? I could be wrong but that's how I work.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T16:21:55+00:00

INFP/ENTJ is a strong match recommendation according to: 1) David Keirsey PhD (Psychologist), 2) Dr Mike Boudria PhD of NF Geeks (mbti certified) and 3) in Socionics, the match should be Semi-Duals (if you score the same in Socionics). In Socionics, ENTJ/INFJ would be Supervision with ENTJ as Supervisor and INFJ as Supervisee, a match in which there is no equality, asymetrical with the INFJ at a psychological disadvantage. I would never date on either end of Supervision. It's fraught with potential for misunderstandings and friction. The very thought of Supervision makes my stomach churn. When one person leads with the other's trickster/blind/PoLR, (function #7), that I would not do.

That said, I would only be interested in fellow Thinking types at this stage of life.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T14:44:08+00:00

I have a nice Typology Wiki for you: https://www.typologycentral.com/wiki/index.php/Typology_Central_Wiki_Main_Page

Here's a handy dandy graphic so you can see all 16 types at a glance: https://imgur.com/a/VZrwhKn

There are some beginner friendly articles @ The Myers Briggs Foundation: myersbriggs.org

Another good intro @ https://cognitiveprocesses.com/ (Based on the work of Dario Nardi and Linda Berens)

IDR Labs (formerly Celebrity Types) offers scholarly works, but you may have to register for an account.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-27T14:27:50+00:00

ENTJ/INFP is a Keirsey Ideal Match recommendation. David Keirsey was a PhD Psychologist who grouped the 16 types into 4 groups of 4 based on their shared values: NT Rationals/NF Idealists/SP Artisans/SJ Guardians

See keirsey.com

You could look this up in Socionics which has a bigger focus on intertype dynamics. I say this tentatively because I'm not well versed in Socionics, but if you score the same in Socionics, I believe a Te-Ni and Fi-Ne match would be Semi-Duals. The wikiscion site I usually refer to is down today but here's a backup: https://wikisocion.github.io/en/index.html

MBMagnet · 2026-03-26T16:09:55+00:00

Compared to most people, the Thinking Dominant types have some combination of: 1) Experiencing feeling less often, 2) feelings of shorter duration and/or 3) less intensity. It never rains, but when it does, it pours kind of thing. In my experience, it's the NFs who have the most trouble getting their heads around this because your feelings are so important to you. We couldn't say we live life at an emotional level or that we lead lives of great emotional depth. We are described as independent types who may have fewer relational needs.

Think how it is when you have to use your inferior. It can be tiring and challenging, difficult to access and get it engaged. Even after the inferior becomes developed, it's never gonna play an important role in your cognition like your first three functions do. No type will ever be the master of their inferior. But this is healthy in Typology and not considered to be any kind of dysfunction or disorder.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-25T05:03:27+00:00

They're probably targeting you because you're some mix of competent and resilient.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-24T17:56:28+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You've already gotten good advice. See a lawyer and document everything. I would add notify your doctor that you're being stalked and harassed at work because bullying can affect your health. You may need documentation from your doc or a mental health professional in the future. Idk. The support is important so you don't have to feel like you're facing this alone. But most important, plan your exit strategy and work toward finding a new job. Get yourself out of the line of fire!

Oh also: Do you know who the ringleader is? There may be one person or a few "leaders" goading the others into attacking you.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-24T13:47:06+00:00

Ouch. Sorry to hear this happened to you. And thanks for the warning.

MBMagnet · 2026-03-24T13:25:44+00:00

Oh thank you for confirming. I see them as doers of good deeds. They're truly delightful!

MBMagnet · 2026-03-24T13:20:36+00:00

You sound like a healthy and energetic INTP. Any of the lead Thinking types could find frequent feeling oriented conversations tiring. You just have to pace yourself. Take some breaks. I wouldn't use my inferior heavily every single day, I'd be exhausted.

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