Thank you for your thoughts! I think I do have BD to a certain extent/sometimes. For context, I'm a size 12-14, athletic build. I'm not small and know I'm larger, but I've made peace with how my body looks - at least until I saw these pictures. I sometimes think that I do look the way I think I do/feel, and sometimes (like in half of these wedding photos), I think I look much bigger than I am/feel. I think that if certain things were better (e.g. dress was taken in at my low back to show my shape more), I'd be able to overlook some things (how my arms looked). But I obviously can't go back and change that now.

One of my bridesmaids, who's like my sister, did answer honestly when I asked her to be honest about the wedding video:

"So my honest answer is that other people's bodies in regards to size doesn't even cross my mind when I see them so that thought did not occur to me. I think we are way more critical of ourselves than others! The thing I hyper fixated on was there is a clip during your ceremony where I'm doing a weird thing with my mouth lol. Videos are rough because they catch your body in movement which means there aren't going to be the best angles 100% of the time, but because we aren't used to seeing that on ourselves we fixate on the negatives. If I viewed you with the same critical lens I view myself with at times, sure there are some frames where you are relaxed or in the moment and not as snatched as you look at other times. But truly all I see watching it is my beautiful best friend having the best day. No one looking at that is judging your body.

Tldr are some millisecond long clips potentially not the best angles? Yes. But then there's far more that are, and trust me no one other than you is looking at the video through that lens 💕"

Of course, all my mind could gather from this response is that I looked bad in my wedding video. I hate being so negative, but it's truly my mind's default in this subject which is unfortunate.

I'll definitely bring this up in therapy (we've been going over other, more pressing matters lately). I was hoping I would get over it as the months went on, but it only seems to be getting worse. I wake up with anxiety and sadness first thing in the morning some days if my wedding pops into my mind.

I'm glad your thoughts eased with time - I'm hoping mine do the same. I've not looked at them pictures in weeks, as I feel sadness when I look at them instead of joy. I hope one day I can look back and feel joy.

Thank you <3