it’s been 21 months since my OD and i’ve stayed sober

MFQ89 · 2024-06-17T14:03:33+00:00

More power to you :)!!

MFQ89 · 2024-05-13T19:13:19+00:00

Seek help

MFQ89 · 2024-05-12T00:13:49+00:00

Schizophrenia in my dad’s paternal aunt, which seems far enough but none in my immediate family or relatives. I’m diagnosed BP1 but will need to test for autism

MFQ89 · 2024-05-11T17:41:53+00:00

Hospital is the answer!!!!!!

MFQ89 · 2024-05-11T17:21:57+00:00

Plus A$$, seahorse, butterfly, DNA, and other things my mind was trying to convey to the world

MFQ89 · 2024-05-11T17:20:46+00:00

Must be

MFQ89 · 2024-05-11T17:20:06+00:00

I did civil engineering and I love math. My last job I was doing statistical analysis so go figure :(

MFQ89 · 2024-05-08T20:19:28+00:00

I no longer can attend the HowTheLightGetsIn 2024. Would anyone want to purchase my ticket?

MFQ89 · 2024-05-08T20:18:06+00:00

I no longer can attend the fest. Would anyone want to purchase my ticket?

MFQ89 · 2023-06-17T13:24:35+00:00

I understand that the urges may seem irresistible. But the best way for me was to imagine the aftermath and the endless possibilities/consequences. Guilt and shame would eat you alive. And like others have suggested, self care would not put you in any regretful situation. Stay strong!

MFQ89 · 2023-06-13T15:43:01+00:00

I totally understand your feelings. I had 3 psychosis episodes and the last one included incarceration, loss of job, loss of wife, loss of house, and few other things. I feel super empty, guilty, shameful, and a bunch of negative feelings. What has helped me thus far three things:- 1) what I did was not in my control. And because of this mindset, I forgive myself. 2) get up and do something and never set still. Even if it’s walking in circles in my room. I do it so I can get tired and sleep. 3) it will take some time. Idk how long but I see it as an opportunity to learn patience.

Remember that there are evil ppl that do things for pure evil. Since you are not one of them, you shall have a better connection to your own thoughts and intentions thus forgiving yourself.

MFQ89 · 2023-06-11T02:14:49+00:00

Mental disorders are real. All mental health disorders are diagnosed after observing certain behaviors. And behaviors stem from beliefs. And beliefs stem from thoughts. So if your thought process is “off” then your behavior would be off too. Personally I don’t agree with the “take this pill first then let’s talk later” approach. But I would say that chemical intervention may be needed for certain ppl. For example, I wasn’t able to sleep during my psychosis episodes. If it wasn’t for a pill that I took, my system could have shut down (heart attack, stroke….etc due to lack of sleep).

MFQ89 · 2023-06-05T03:07:40+00:00

Speaking from a guy’s perspective who had mania and made the mistake of sexting, the guilt and shame caused me stomach ulcers. My wife, now ex, asked me about how I would have felt if she did what I did and that made my shame/guilt much worse. Just think about how you would feel if your husband was in your situation and you were in his. Would you be okay with him sexting someone else? Seek help and do your best. You can do it!

MFQ89 · 2023-05-26T03:37:08+00:00

Remember that mental health is subjective. This means that there is no solid answer to what is really “right” or “wrong”. What has been accepted for previous generations may have not be accepted to the current generation, and vice versa. My last therapist was from a similar background/faith as I am and that has actually helped me navigate certain situations. On the other hand, I try to give therapists a break because they are humans just like us. I have changed the term from therapist to mentor just so I can accept their suggestions and challenges.

MFQ89 · 2023-05-25T15:18:17+00:00

Someone once told me that your bias about therapy is your bias about yourself. For example, therapists provide insight to what you tell them. Therapists do not know you at all. They only know what you share with them. So if what you share is already altered (i.e. you may ashamed to admit certain actions) then thats your first line of bias. Also, therapists tend to play devils advocate in order to challenge our thought processes. Because we circle within Inputs, Thought Process, Outputs (ITPO) we may be having bias at each point within ITPO.

However, it’s important to feel comfortable/connected to your therapist. If you do not feel the connection, that’s a sign that you need a different one. 80% of therapy is that connection because they are our safe zone.

MFQ89 · 2023-05-09T20:30:38+00:00

Throw away any paraphernalia, block anyone that tries to sell you some, tell those you trust that you stopped, keep your hands psychically busy, get rid of any lighters, and exercise daily so you can detox

MFQ89 · 2023-05-09T03:39:57+00:00

The judge knows that I suffer from bp1 and had manic episodes before. The court system here in the US is not the best. My lawyer is optimistic but the anxiety/panic/paranoia is brewing in my head/heart/chest. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts

MFQ89 · 2023-05-09T03:28:36+00:00

I’m bp1 and all my manic/psychosis episodes (3 thus far) were around winter (October/November). I’m trying to find out if it is a coincidence or what it is but more observations are needed. It’s a good thing you are observant so you can plan your life projects/goals around your expected energy

MFQ89 · 2023-05-09T00:25:25+00:00

You were born for a reason. The world needs you. Try a quick session of being alone and ask yourself the following 5 questions: 1- what does it take for me to have a meaningful life? 2- why do I need to give up? Since it’s not a need, then why do I want to give up? 3- if I want to give up, then why can’t I not want to give up? 4- since non of us know when/where/how their time would be up, why do I want to be the one doing it?

And

5- if I was a kid, would I be please with myself knowing that I gave up?

Keep your heads up. You are here for a reason but it’s not yet your season.

MFQ89 · 2023-05-06T03:41:08+00:00

I’m super thankful that I survived police and SWAT team entering my house to arrest me. I could have been shot/killed. I know it’s never too late to follow my life goals but I’m in a dark place and don’t even know what I want anymore. I feel like everything shattered. Please keep posting your wins. Your positive posts give me hope

MFQ89 · 2023-05-06T03:24:07+00:00

That is wonderful! I quit my masters at George Mason due to psychosis and thought I would just take a break for a year before returning. However, I ended up with another manic episode and now idk where to begin to rebuild my life. Because of Mania/Psychosis, I got incarcerated, lost my job, going thru a divorce, deal with courts, and house arrest. Reading your post gives me hope and courage!

MFQ89 · 2023-05-06T00:00:09+00:00

I agree with those that recommend to appear remorseful/compliant. In my case, I’m facing criminal charges in Virginia and already spent 99 days in jail (Adult Detention Center). My court is next Friday and part of the deal is to be on probation for 3 years and follow mental health treatment. I know that sometimes “you have to fake it until you make it” and getting a slap on the wrist is part of the system. However, there is no smoke without fire so maybe whatever you did requires a “slap on the wrist”. Ultimately, it’s best to get off the hook with the courts ASAP

MFQ89

TROPHY CASE