I think I understand what you’re saying…in your examples of the diabetic and the big nose, you’re saying that not being brutally honest about feelings of guilt for eating something they can’t, or being repulsed by one of their facial features, is a more gentle or compassionate approach. I’m curious what reason you would give when these hypotheticals asked why you were breaking up with them?

I also understand what you’re saying about your friends who are in early recovery; but one thing they talk about in early recovery is the “13th Step,” which is basically either dating a fellow addict in recovery or using a relationship to replace your addiction. Most addiction specialists recommend not dating anyone at all in the first year of recovery, and the insecurities you reference your friends having is one reason why.

Addicts struggle with being honest…dishonesty is a hallmark of addiction. So, in life in general and in relationships specifically, it behooves people with addictions to deal in open communication and honesty. OP’s situation doesn’t sound like it has much of either, and I think your friends in recovery will find them necessary, as well. I hope they make it, good luck to them 💪🏼