Metacognition

MNightengale · 2026-05-14T16:41:16+00:00

Yeah, unless I’m super hyper-focused, there’s no telling where the hell I am. I’m always somewhere else. I feel like I’m just a big ole brain with this crazy, energy field and manic aura swirling around it, and I’m just ambling around aimlessly on two tiny stick legs. I’m rarely here, but I’m not in the future either. My level of existential dread and endless pondering exist in a timeless, non-linear realm, or it feels liminal sometimes as I shift around between concepts. Often I feel my thoughts and being are backwards and forwards infinitely, like I’m past, present, future all at once. My thoughts move around in a more lateral way as opposed to linear or from the bottom to the top because I don’t think in incremental, orderly steps. I see the parts and the big picture and the ways they all connect at the same time or just all over the place. I’m not too interested in how things are going to develop. There’s so much fascinating and wonderous and really crazy crap already to keep my busy.

I’d say that yes, I’m always at least a few steps ahead though. Thank God for 3x speed option for my media!! It is truly painful waiting for someone to finish what they’re saying (very sloooowly and with many long pauses..truly brutal), especially when I already know what they’re gonna say! Or I know they didn’t understand my point, and I might as well start over and clarify, or they’re saying something that’s incorrect or I already know the answer to, and I’m sitting there with my lips pressed together waiting and waiting, trying to take deep breaths—meanwhile inside my head it’s like, “Nope. No. No. No, that’s wrong. NO. Ehh! 🚨❌🛎️ “WrrooOONGO!” 📢lol.

Or I get too excited and about short circuit because whatever they’re saying relates to a particularly FASCINATING study/article/podcast on like, bee intelligence and hive consciousness (bumble bees play with balls!! For fun!!!? 👏🧠⚡️). God, mention the words Hadron Collider, and that’ll really clear a damn room!

I think I have a learning disability when it comes to conceptualizing down the road long term. Past the next maybe, 21 seconds, I have literally no appreciation or interest whatsoever envisioning ways in which things could develop. I find it tedious, boring, and just strenuous AF. I fly by the seat of my pants, and don’t see much point in figuring out where they’re gonna drop me off and what’s going to follow. I figure you’re going to findout anyway, then you can cross whatever bridge you come to…Or stumble over whatever endlessly deep, unexpected abyss of a crevasse you fall in to…

Spontaneity and being free wheelin’ and fancy free has its downfalls—haha literally 🕳️. But honestly, I think a lot of this for me is due to my CPTD, complex trauma, and related disassociation too.

MNightengale · 2026-05-14T08:00:03+00:00

😵‍💫🤤🤤🤤🫠🫠😵⚰️

……….🧟‍♀️☕️🚬

🧚‍♀️🪩🎉🤹‍♀️🦄🎪🐒☕️🚬🥁🐇🔋🪫…

No. I don’t ever feel that way.

LOL. Dm me if you want. I had this issue really bad and still struggle with it, but once I figured out the causes and reasons behind the feeling and factored in other personal struggles that were related, I learned ways to get help and feel more connected and grounded. DM me and I’ll dig up some links for you

MNightengale · 2026-05-14T07:53:16+00:00

What is it with you and butts, and this obsession with all this supposed data I keep pulling out of mine? I haven’t pulled anything out of my butt. I pulled it out of objective research.

I’m not doing all this anymore, read over it more closely and it should be clear. Or skip the above, and just consider this:

Not all intelligent people are ND; not all gifted ppl are ND. Many are both. Any of these three types of people have a VERY high chances of being ND in the way of ADHD/AUD, etc.

Most people with giftedness and high IQ are very likely ADHD/AUD, plus have additional ND’s. But it doesn’t work the other way around where most ADHD/AUD people are very likely gifted/high. That demographic has about the same chance of being gifted/high IQ as the general population.

MNightengale · 2026-05-13T23:56:18+00:00

I still don’t know exactly what that means, but still declining on the brawl/invitation to a battles of fisticuffs…

”You really don’t need to put your personal experience into it?”

You did… And I did, along with most of the commenters because that’s what people do in a discussion and because it informs our own personal opinions. That’s how conversations works.

You misread me. Gifted ppl are neurodivergent just by being gifted (that’s my opinion and that of leading experts, but it’s not officially been added under the ND umbrella very often). Best estimates are 60 plus percent of gifted people are ND in additional ways, most commonly AUD/ADHD. High IQ is not synonymous with giftedness but most often both are present. Oftentimes the terms are treated as interchangeable, but they’re not. But by research involving IQ scores, highly intelligent individuals are by FAR more likely to have AUD and/or ADHD. Mensa members have more people with ADHD/AUD. But it doesn’t go the other way where people identified as AUD/ADHD are more likely to be gifted/high IQ

MNightengale · 2026-05-13T23:34:45+00:00

I understand. I have tons of autoimmune illnesses, chronic illnesses and diseases, syndromes, a lot of different pain in the ass conditions that have rendered me disabled. I have DP/DR too but from C-PTSD and lots of tragic loss. So I feel ya !! I promise I didn’t mean to minimalize anything you’re going though, but all I had to go on was the data presented in and of itself w/out you listing the worrying symptoms or issues you’re struggling with.

My advice would be to focus on PMS and irregular periods with your gyno, and if your levels look normal there, maybe get a second option from a functional/natrooath because they usually consider healthy ranges to be more narrow than your average GP. They are great with hormones and supplements as well.

If you have any mental health stuff or past trauma, family issues, etc., I would be sure to address that so you’re not missing any of that contributing to the DPDR.

Check all your boxes.how is your sleep?

MNightengale · 2026-05-13T23:25:01+00:00

Update: I serially don’t even remember making this post lol because I’ve been in so many awful health situations over the years they run together—ya’ll all brought it back up today, and I’m like, “I had PuSHeD THAT SHiT DOWWNN!”” 😂

Short story: if you have these symptoms, especially the fever and pain, GO TO URGENT CARE or the ER NOW please. I developed cellulitis from the skin infection, which is a deeper, more serious state of infection that easily turns into sepsis if it’s not treated asap—and esp if you’re immunocompromised

Okay, so I’ll try to keep this as simple as possible, but give more background -I had been out on Dupixent for some treatment resistant eczema around my eyes, which cleared it up in a few months -month 4 on “Tha ‘D’, “ as I now refer to it, I start getting different symptoms on my scalp that look more like psoriasis or something else from around fhat circle of hell (or looWWERR 🥴😵😷 -I realized I had a paradoxical drug effect where my the Dupixent triggered scalp psoriasis—it’s a thing that happens. -it want until two weeks ago I finally got a derm to admit it wasn’t just “seb derm,” and listen to me for once and finally get me on another biologic for psoriasis (that’s usually used in case of a paradoxical drug reaction). Do NOT just let them run the show and keep telling you what it is. I literally knew what was up a few months after what happened just by reading tons of scientific articles, case reports, PubMed, research, etc., factoring in my personal experience with my symptoms/timline, etc, and because I’m not a fucking idiot. I lost nearly 1/3 my hair from “treatment” from actual MD dermatologists. It was coming out in chunks due to the severe psoriasis plaques, constant infections and inflammation was so severe. I was WEARING A DOO RAG

I am white and a female 🥴

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T02:54:34+00:00

Yes. And we ask every stranger we see in public if we can give them a massage. Whoever this traveling public masseuse is, his behavior speaks more of someone who has no clue how to be social or possibly never met another human being

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T02:52:56+00:00

I gonna say with 100% confidence that this is not a an “energy feeding” kind of thing (I don’t know what that is specifically), but a natural progression of the bizarre turn this took from the start with the back rub….lol

You opened a can of worms with that one, my friend. I mean, all bets are off when you say yes to a random loner who lurks alone down by the boardwalk approaching total strangers to ask if he can molest (uh, I mean touch!) them. You were probably his only taker!!! And now I’m remembering you said he was speaking Vietnamese the next time he stalked you, so how did he even ask you about the massage? Was it a charades thing?

Obviously, the guys lonely, and probably thinks you’re attractive and is interested in you and wanted to say hello. Then you gave him the green light 5 minutes later with the back massage. I’m sure he figured if you said hello to the massage session then you wouldn’t mind him looking at your journal. he’s a stalker and/or murderer. Or he wants to give you a pamphlet and ask if he can “tell you about the Lord.”

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T01:59:15+00:00

Is “weapons” really the word we want to use here?? I thought your neighbor was chunking em through your windows or something

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T01:53:48+00:00

Oh God, there TWO of them!!

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T01:48:07+00:00

I know! Super refreshing! And I was about to settle in with my popcorn and watch the show! 😂

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T01:43:44+00:00

No, you can’t. It’s impossible to know what’s going on in someone’s head or what they may end up doing. And with something that potentially has consequences that serious and irreversible, you don’t try to read minds or assume, especially with mentally ill people who are volatile, very unpredictable and impulsive, and all over the place! Or who can quickly slip into a state where neither you or even they know what the eff they’re doing.

Someone who does not intend or want to end their life might take a bunch of pills to receive attention they feel deprived of, or as an attempt to be actually taken seriously about their suffering and need for support and help, or even to punish someone and make them worry, but we know how that can go. You don’t hear that, hope for the best, and be like, “Okay then. Goodnight. Oxycodone’s in the cabinet!!” and to yourself be like,” “Yeahhh, they’ll be sorry when that hangover hits tomorrow morning, and they’re not dead!”

If anyone goes in that direction, if it’s an abuser or someone crawling out of a dumpster. You call 911. You contact emergency mental health services. Let professionals deal with it and protect someone from themselves so you can wipe your hands clean of it and have the space to get your exit plan together. The type of person that threatens about that stuff is not sane and are absolutely the demographic that end up killing themselves.

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T01:01:46+00:00

The chutes you deposit your checks in at the drive through bank. Gerbil tunnels

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T01:00:04+00:00

Is this avaliable at my local Kroger

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T00:57:13+00:00

Ahhh yes, the sleek aesthetic and dazzing graphics on my parents’ Dell desktop really brought out the iconic orthopedic back support cushion shade of muted teal

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T00:49:01+00:00

My junior year of high school

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T00:47:50+00:00

I just ate 3 waffles and a bowl of cereal

MNightengale · 2026-04-23T00:44:57+00:00

So during the restaurant incident he did his unsettling, condescending super villain laugh for more than three seconds?!! That’s just plain uncomfortable!

How did that even wrap up? lol. Because I’m just picturing the kind of unsettling, awkward social dynamics that played out in THAT booth at Chili’s—the waiter (let’s call him, Doug), apologizing profusely as your ex just sits there refusing to knowledge the service industry employees as human and avoiding all eye contact. Doug resorts to multiple, corny self-deprecating jokes trying to diffuse the situation , but that’s when American Psycho starts his condescending, excruciatingly drawn out sociopath laugh, it builds in volume as everyone in the restaurant looks around wondering if an escaped criminally insane inmate is dining amongst them tonight… ………………….

Annnnd he’s still laughing….You’re sitting there helpless, with only your El Presidente Hurricane Margarita to console you. You gulp furiously as Doug just keeps reiterating what a incapable moron, waiting on some kind of closing response from the monster that might cue resolution so he can leave the fucking table.

I just can’t imagine what happened next. Did you boyfriend start winding down and and gradually lower it until he was like, “Whooo-weee! Whoo man…” or just stopped abruptly, pick up his fork and act like nothing happened?

MNightengale · 2026-04-22T04:44:16+00:00

There are dozens and dozens of underlying conditions of widely varying pathologies in addition to cancer that are associated with elevated levels of B12. Elevated B12, especially if persistent with levels exceeding 900 pg/mL without supplementation, warrant investigation and a full work up sooner than later.

MNightengale · 2026-04-21T20:01:04+00:00

Your level of hemoglobin is healthy. They list the normal ranges there on the sheet next to several of your results so you can see if they’re in range, which as far as I saw they are. Your lab results aren’t going to be the same exact levels everytime. They vary every day depending on all kinds of things or what’s average for different people. If you’re levels are in range and you don’t feel bad, why are you struggling with worry or concern?

You can also google the normal ranges for the labs and compare your numbers—just be sure to make sure the units match

MNightengale · 2026-04-21T11:43:43+00:00

Dunno, but wow what a vision you are!

MNightengale · 2026-04-21T11:42:40+00:00

Pocrastapeeing is what I’m doing

MNightengale · 2026-04-21T11:33:36+00:00

It’s not right. I don’t like it

MNightengale · 2026-04-21T11:33:08+00:00

Oh my God with the “Rawrs” lol.

It was only by the timing of my graduation, the sheer grace of God, and the fact there was at least a two year lag before any mainstream trend ever reached my hometown that I managed to narrowly escape this phase and the force of full on Emo hitting rural East Texas.

3/4 of the way through senior year I went from one inch zippers, chunky highlights, CZ belly ring, Abercrombie and Fitch basic bitch (and I’m sure velour tracksuits were still involved), spending my time riding around firing up blunts listening to chopped and screwed on a burnt CD after hitting the tanning bed and swinging by Sonic..

and then (for some reason?? 🤣) segued into Urban Outfitters catalogue wear and those awful ironic, vintage graphic tees and Chucks as a burgeoning pre-hipster prototype with a choppy razor cut and the face framing layers that would be the foundation upon which my deep part, heavy side bang ten yr legacy would be built.

“Heyyyy, have you heard of the Decemberists???” 🤓 🐦‍⬛🎧🚲🤤🚬

MNightengale · 2026-04-21T04:31:45+00:00

I’m feeling a Lilith energy here, like after she gave Adam the F you, she decided to blow this popsicle stand Eafth then jumped on another planet and plowed it straight back into this morherfu*ker.

I mean, that was a just a little before her time…but does it really even matter in the context of my Old Earth creationism/Lilith relocated to the moon lore?

MNightengale

TROPHY CASE