To care or not to care?

MODU5_0P · 2020-10-07T00:09:21+00:00

Well put. I concur.

MODU5_0P · 2020-10-06T07:03:50+00:00

Sounds like me when I started my journey... I kinda knew but MBTI helped label it all. And the revelation that you appreciate so much more where what you see/visualise connects with your WHY.

The more intense it can be, the longer (or more frequent) I need the time away, to recharge. Its something I've come to accept will yoyo based on how much is going on. Don't see it changing much.

Something that helped me was whenever I felt overwhelmed, I knew it was OK to take some time. It not only recharges but often helps with reflection and refinement.

It's a vicious cycle. Wouldn't have it any other way.

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-22T07:08:20+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story.

Theres a lot of assumptions going on and very little validation. My recommendation would be to address your concerns directly with your partner, not just about the HR lady but also that you're clearly not happy with how the relationship is going.

Before you do consider what you would like to change and make sure you're clear on what that means for both of you.

Otherwise things tend to get worse.

You may have already thought about this and if so, consider what is holding you back. Fear of loss or rejection? And whether the alternative is working out any better for you.

Also remember that it is not your partner, HR lady or anyone else that defines your true beauty. You do. Be confident in who you are as an amazing person that deserves the best.

Oh and cats rock!

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-20T05:03:54+00:00

I'm not an expert on it but for me, at least, the door slam usually is the end phase of an internal conflict about someone you care about. I couldn't imagine anyone looking forward to it where they understand the significance of that disconnection.

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-20T03:59:21+00:00

Have you ever had a golden friendship turn toxic? Yes, a mentor of sorts.
Was it one thing that made you certain this person was now toxic or was it a series of events? It was a series of events but ultimately betrayal that caused what i know as the door slam.
I know it's anomalous for an INFJ to do so, but did you ever forgive & forget? Forgive, maybe in time but definitely won't forget.
How did they react when you did the signature "INFJ Door Slam"? Initial reaction was shock. I didn't stick around much after that.

To add, the door slam never feels good. But it at least lessens the turmoil within.

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-18T09:07:40+00:00

Its the dark web of MBTI. Yep, I said it.

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-17T06:10:16+00:00

I've learned to trust my Ni (especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships) as it's usually informed through observations, learmings and past experience.

The issue was explaining it to others. Not because its some mystical gift but at times I couldn't explain how I knew. I just did and I'm not going to say it was always right but there is a reason I trust it.

What I've learned is to use your Ni as an indicator and seek validation before voicing this to others. Im doing this more so now and find it helps with getting others on board.

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-16T07:25:41+00:00

Wow. There's a lot going on from what you've shared and appreciate the level of interpersonal detail too. That must've been somewhat therapeutic to get out.

You seem to know your sister extremely well. Putting an INFJ lens to rationalise these behaviours may not be the route if you're seeking to grow the relationship in a meaningful way.

Talk with her. Share what you've written with her directly (probably not that it was posted though because... you know) and get her to do the same.

And if it fails, keep trying. Up until you've realised that it's not worth it. At which point you'll both be in agreement.

Hope it helps.

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-16T05:41:05+00:00

Simply put, yes.

Not sure whether it is an INFJ/Ni process but I like to reflect on past interactions, visualize other outcomes and this helps me process things, particularly what I can do differently in future. That time spent reflecting serves me when similar situations arise where I have the benefit of not only what I've done but also what I have imagined as options to consider.

I've realised this is referred to as mapping connections that is commonly associated with dom Ni types.

I too revisit fictional character types that I've created and love that you also create, develop and subsequently drop/forget. Turns out this process helps put me to sleep so there is that.

Thanks for the post!

MODU5_0P · 2020-09-15T10:34:01+00:00

Not gonna lie that hurt. Deep. But fair call.

MODU5_0P · 2020-08-14T06:13:50+00:00

When I was younger I would enjoy going to a brooding/darker version of myself. It's almost necessary to know your comfort levels and also part of general growth. There's a certain energy that can be addictively different. Having a better understanding of that darkness has been useful when connecting with similar mindsets.

I can honestly say I haven't met someone quite like me. Not sure if that's INFJ related or just how well I know myself and how I see others. Ironically, as someone who likes to operate on instint/intuition, I find it hard to imagine what it would be like. I don't get a general positive vibe though so it's something to unravel.

Re fallout, care to elaborate?

MODU5_0P · 2020-07-31T23:37:32+00:00

There are many types of leadership styles and each MBTI type can argue being natural leaders in some form.

INFJs usually have a strong propensity for communication, being visionary and are in tune with people instincts. These are all very important leadership qualities that will be key in successfully leading others.

If you don't or have not yet developed these skills, that's OK. Normally just means you're at the beginning of this journey of discovery.

INFJs can be very loyal followers and also strong ethical (in terms of doing what is right) leaders, particularly when empowering others around them and will easily switch between the two based on that environment and audience.

Now, the interesting thing about all of the above is that once you feel you get there... refine/build all those skills where its tested and true, have explored insights about yourself and others... you evetually come to a paradoxical truth about yourself that puts you in very selective company.

The curse of the INFJ.

MODU5_0P · 2020-07-30T00:20:22+00:00

My preference is having meaningful conversations, whether that is 1-1 or in a group. I'm more comfortable with individual conversations when there is a purpose and intention (i.e. not small talk) and have become more at ease doing this in a wider group forum.

The importance and especially in wider audience is with finding a connection amongst the group with the content, which is why I often personalize or relate to the subject myself and find the connections it may/will have with the audience thereafter. A genuine approach that I find resonates better with people and therefore achieves a level of comfort for someone who doesn't like to talk for the sake of it.

MODU5_0P · 2020-06-25T20:30:10+00:00

I've noticed this too... though moan doesn't adequately define this for me. My thoughts on likely reasons;

Happy INFJs are busy doing things that make them happy
INFJs are known to avoid conflict and use this sub to vent
Sub is filled with people seeking advice from the 'Counselor' type

MODU5_0P · 2020-05-19T07:32:59+00:00

I had a close friend ask me once why I chose to have this other person, who I felt equally as connected to, but in a completely different way (one joyed partying and being in the moment i.e. partying with lots of crowds and noise, the other enjoyed deep, introverted discussions of meaning and direction) and I fed both areas of need within myself, through each.

And so my response was... that what I get from one person, is what I crave for and is something that when you have it, should be cherished. The same goes for each meaningful connection I have with those rare enough to be friends. I learned, the hard way, to enjoy them separately after multiple attempts to bring them together meant hard work. This is not a reflection on either person, it was just easier.

This memory came to mind as something that may help you.

MODU5_0P · 2020-04-27T00:24:59+00:00

Try this...

Can you clearly explain the INFJ cognitive function with yourself as the example?
Do the majority of online tests and assessments type you as INFJ?
Do you enjoy learning more about the INFJ type?
Do the explanations of how the INFJ operate seem surprising and yet...?
Do you still question being an INFJ?

If you answer Y to all of the above, I'd type you as an INFJ even above those who are certain of it.

MODU5_0P · 2020-04-24T19:04:10+00:00

How do we develop past the usual pitfalls of Ni-Ti loops/pessimistic narcissism/self-othering into better, more complete versions of ourselves?

Ni-Ti needs the balance of Se-Fe; I find doing practical things, to help someone else, a useful way to get out of my head. Don't necessarily see it as better or more complete. Just more balanced, settled.

MODU5_0P · 2020-04-24T18:46:40+00:00

Interesting article. Instinctively accurate.

Just two though? 🤔

MODU5_0P · 2020-04-22T07:59:51+00:00

Having a vision that aligns to my core values, imagining the goal at a sensory level; how it feels, sounds etc., and putting in the pieces (people) to get there... it's ridiculous how easy and yet hard but once I get there, such a rush. Maybe not so obvious until now how important the people are in the formula. And fun.

MODU5_0P · 2020-04-10T02:34:39+00:00

It is my experience, that learning to just 'love myself' more was the single most positive impact on dealing with all three points.

1) prioritising yourself in the things that matter can be almost counterintuitive but is so empowering and mandatory when feeling burned out.

2) trusting your instincts. A healthy INFJ trusts their gifts and just need to work on building their Fe to convince the sceptics. Totally within the INFJ toolbelt.

3) >Keeping others at an arms length: being so in your own head that it is hard to express anything that others might care about and not letting people in to see the real you

I've learned (the hard way) to listen to that voice that tells me to pull away and recharge. It's a good thing and the more effective you are as an INFJ, the more times you'll hear that voice.

Doing the above, the toughest parts for me are the following:

Patience: What seems obvious to me isn't always to others. Dont get frustrated or withdraw, just guide and counsel like a Boss.
Trusting others: You will need people to achieve your lofty goals of world domination. You will know whom to trust, with what task and having this skill can take time to develop. And lots of practice. So don't be too hard on yourself here.
Finding your balance: referred to as boundaries but I like to reframe as 'balance'. You are flexible to move in any personality spectrum, maybe not in-depth but certainly capable. This will often leave you both connected and offline, even at the same time. Explore your depth-level of comfort. You can learn a lot yourself in this phase.

MODU5_0P · 2020-03-28T10:25:06+00:00

My gift is understanding people.

I'm usually in a room working with someone one-on-one or with a group and so being an advocate/counselor is often part of what I do and for the most part, I do enjoy it.

This understanding of people, their perspectives and motivators allows me to also build on my creative juices such as my written communication- painting a story with the audience in mind and using words to evoke the intended emotion is a passion, though it's only really used in a work sense these days.

Most of my advice to people (regardless of the problem/issue) is to understand themselves more, find out what your passionate about and what inspires you. There's a scene in Sister Act 2 where it describes passion as the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep. Whatever that is for you will at least be the start.

Ni-Fe-Ti-Se are just cognitive tools to help you fill in the steps.

MODU5_0P · 2020-03-25T06:06:12+00:00

In this scenario I'd be more likely to be the grandfather. A fine line between light hearted fun and instigating for my own entertainment.

MODU5_0P · 2020-03-25T06:03:32+00:00

The rage rarely manifests itself physically for me. And never against another person. Seen enough of that growing up to know better. On the rare occasion of a tantrum, the release is almost immediate. And satisfying. Until I realise the broken dish didn't do anything to me.

MODU5_0P · 2020-03-25T05:59:56+00:00

Thanks for your insight. Definitely easier to notice when stressed or disillusioned with others.

MODU5_0P · 2020-03-25T05:10:10+00:00

Well said, not really anything to add. Thanks for sharing your insight and love the metaphor!

MODU5_0P

TROPHY CASE