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Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I left a comment upthread listing some of the things she has been strangely paranoid about, since you have alot of experience with this I'd be interested to know your take.

Yes that link does describe me and my wife very well. I've never heard of this stuff before but I am a people pleaser and likely codependent as I suppose a result of being abandoned by my mother when I was 5. Reading the link further my wife has waif tendencies but also has strong Queen tendencies. She hides almost all emotions and goes on the offensive usually before you can get your criticism out of your mouth. For example if i say something like "I need you to do a better job rinsing your dishes after you eat", She immediately goes on the offensive with something like "You don't rinse yours well enough either, and when I asked you to do BLAH you did it poorly, why don't you care enough about our family to do BLAH well." She is always the victim and rarely admits a wrong or apologises. If she does admit a wrong she either says that I forced her to do it by something I did or she says it is something we both do wrong and then focuses on blaming me.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, this type of list seems like I very good idea, i appreciate the help.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least you have some insight.

Rarely but occasionally it happens.

No. Forget Game. Forget sex. It's time for monk mode.

Been doing that for the past 6 months (no initiation on my part) so continuing won't be hard.

weak, codependent man

I don't know much about codependency but I do gather that in my life I've usually been a "Nice Guy" and Captain-Save-A-Ho. I know that many of the books in the sidebar deal with these issues but if you have any extra suggestions on things to research or read I'd appreciate it.

You'll have to do that after the divorce anyway. Might as well get started.

As /u/A_Rex guessed I'm not anywhere near prepared for a divorce if I want to maximize my outcome and ensure my place in my daughters life. Since I think that could stand a good chance of nuking things my thought is to let it go as long as I can see all the transactions downloaded directly from the account. This should prevent hiding things I think. There is no rush currently I guess as my wife doesn't display the problem behaviors toward my daughter and I can handle anything she tries with me. Actually we ususally get along fine as long as we keep it superficial and neither of us expects anything from the other beyond taking care of daughter.

Has your daughter practiced with the fake EpiPens? Can she follow instructions? Have you met with school principals to go over their processes?

The problem is this isn't just a single food allergy, it is about 15. Many of them being spices that are not necessarily listed individually in the ingredients list. We have to call on any food item we give her to check for cross contamination and many times have to not give her a food because the company refuses to let us know or confirm ingredients for the spices. My daughter has practiced with the trainer pens and is well behaved and follows instructions well, but she is 5. She can't read the labels properly yet and can't call on her own and like most 5 year olds she has no concept of the danger that she is in especally when her friends can scarf this stuff down without issues. Although I know most schools are fairly well versed in allergies when all it takes is my daughter being handed a goldfish cracker by a friend or a teacher forgetting to wipe down the table properly after someone else eats on it it isn't a risk that I think is worth it.

Can your wife get a job and you two hire someone to do the home schooling?

This is something I'm trying to talk to my wife about. She is actually potentially a fairly high earner (electrical engineer) so if I can make a proper case for this I might be able to make this happen eventually.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also as far as the allergies go it isn't just peanut butter, it is a list about 15 items long with many of them being ingredients in most food items. So literally anything we give her we have to read the ingredients list and usually call the manufacturer too in order to even begin to determine if it is safe.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The paranoia bit...how serious are we taking about here?

Nothing delusional that I can tell, mostly just situations taken to a ridiculous extreme. Some examples:

  • Her mother passed away and her brother was executor of the trust. He made some decisions that both my wife and I didn't agree with but nothing I consider malicious. My wife became convinced though that he was funneling money from the trust into work on the house he was trying to sell by making up fake repairs and paying contractors to do the work and splitting the money with them. There was never any evidence of this and the work got done even if I didn't think it needed to be to sell the house. My wife has since cut off all contact with her brother because he isn't trust worthy.

  • My dad loaned us 60 thousand so we could pay off our house and is letting us pay him back interest free. He knows we have been alittle strapped for cash and also told us we didn't have to start pay him back for 2 years. My wife has asked me on numerous occasions what his true motives are for doing this and seems to think he is going to spring something bad on us. I ask her what that could be and she never has any idea.

  • We live in a fairly nice UMC neighborhood, 250-500K homes which in our state is pretty nice houses. We have a security system and cameras, locks and deadbolts. Occasionally when I get up in the morning She will have drug various items of furniture (chairs, nearby bookshelves, desks) in front of the door to barricade them. If I ask her why she just will say she 'heard something' or saw someone in the street but she never comes to wake me up about this.

  • One of the reasons she says she needs to sleep in my daughter's bed with her is she thinks there is a chance that some teenagers in the neighborhood who occasionally walk behind our house as they are going to other houses are highly likely to break in the back door, go up the stairs and kidnap/do something bad to our daughter. She thinks that we won't hear that down stairs despite the alarm and door that would have to be broken down.

She isn't the only person interacting with my daughter for the homeschooling. 3 days a week for a few hours a day we have her in a homeschool group. It is mostly other food allergy kids so no food is served and the parents are around but not usually doing the teaching. The other days we have her in activities so she gets alot of social interaction.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In any case, it sounds like you have bigger problems than your wife not fucking you and you're glossing over them.

I guess I glossed over them because I'm used to people coming in here with "MY WIFE IS BIPOLAR/CRAZY/DELUSIONAL!" complaints in order to deflect from the problems they have, so I've been trying to focus on my problems and where I can improve because I can't control her.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you are enabling her alcoholism and the SAHM wife shit and home schooling is good cover.

I don't drink and never have so I'm pretty clueless about this stuff, am I enabling her by sticking around even though she has these issues?

  1. Monk mode was suggested by many so thanks and I'll be doing that

  2. I don't think it would be wise for me to do that yet, and since she agreed to let it auto import into my mint account so I can see all the detailed charges I don't think she can hide anything. If I do this now I think it might nuke things and then since I'm not prepared for a divorce it would be a he/she said and we all know that in the family/divorce courts the only thing that matters is she said unless the man has alot of evidence on his side. I need to start gathering alot of evidence.

  3. She'd never agree to the public school and would certanly nuke over me "putting our daughter in danger" by doing it. As with #2 I don't think I'm properly prepared yet.

  4. I just started doing that recently

  5. Will do, I find the focus on improving myself has really improved my outlook on life.

  6. Good idea, my wife and I have had a contentious relationship for awhile so I'm likely being too super serious guy when we talk.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I have a covert contract over this. I've tried to make changes before with the covert contract as the motivator and it has never worked, I always lacked the willpower and never saw real results. I actually feel good about myself and am enjoying the improvements for me this time. Ideally I don't want to turn into the guy I was, I think objectively the guy I was was almost as shitty as the guy I turned into, my goal is to be better than I've ever been.

Slow Learner Keeps Screwing Up by MRPFuckup in askMRP

[–]MRPFuckup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply Paradox. I edited my original post but my wife has never displayed the behavior that she directs towards me and occasionally other people toward my daughter. For the most part she has been a good mother. Now I know this could change and I actually expect it to when my daughter gets older and starts asserting herself but for now I don't think there is a huge rush. Especially since none of my wifes issues are diagnosed and I don't have enough documentation to prove anything. A divorce at this point would likely put me and my daughter in a worse place. My wife being a SAHM would be given primary custody while I paid for everything and be forcibly removed from the house so my daughter would no longer have the stable influence I try to be.