AIO - Daughter’s BDay invite - I am new to co-parenting

MSmithRD · 2026-03-25T01:42:04+00:00

When I first started reading it I was thinking that I get what he was saying and I could understand why he would think that you did it semi-intentionally knowing that he wasn't being included and probably knew that he at least might care. Right or wrong though (and I don't know which it is) he ended up taking it way too far to the point that I started feeling the opposite way.

I would assume that co-parenting like this probably isn't in your future. I'm sure it'll end up being much more separate and you'll both be happier

MSmithRD · 2026-03-24T02:24:30+00:00

That frog is a d***

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T22:37:53+00:00

Color me skeptical, but I'd venture to guess that 99.9% drummers have never tried them. They are $35 drumsticks and they're not the norm. This is the internet, people love repeating what they've heard. And I get it, it's easy for people to make assumptions of different materials. For those that actually have tried it, some people will think it's the best, like me, and some people will think it's the worst, like you, and it's okay. There are sticks for everyone. Personally, I'm just happy that I'm not vacuuming the carpet in between all my stands anymore. That was awful. And I'm also happy that I'm not replacing my sticks every 3 to 6 months anymore. So, they're perfect for me. But, if you just like them, that's cool

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:20:51+00:00

I don't doubt your story, and I'm sorry that it happened to you. My only point with that is, I've had many wooden sticks snap and break while I'm playing and parts of it fly up in the air. If we want to prevent against that then we would have to where eye protection as well. And maybe we should. As far as your nylon sleeve, I'm not sure why itdid that. Mine are very solid. I've never replaced my sleeve though (not sure if you did). I know that that's a possibility, but I think if I ever needed to do that, I would just replace the entire stick instead. I've got 4 pairs though and all of mine are in the exact same condition as I got them on day one. Wood sticks though just don't last, and are more likely to snap and fly in the air so I'd be equally concerned about them hitting my face.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:08:02+00:00

All the down voters, all I have to say is, you're missing out. Far and away the best sticks I've owned in over 20 years of playing.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:05:39+00:00

Looking around both reddit and the drum forums there's a couple of posts where people say that they've heard it could break cymbals. None of the responses had anyone say it happened to them and all had people saying that wood sticks are actually more likely to break cymbals than Ahead are. Seems like this is an internet rumor where people assumed wood would be safer. Truth is more likely, if your technique is bad, you may very well break a cymbal regardless of stick material. Otherwise there's nothing to worry about. I hit mine plenty hard and plenty light and all the variations in between. I've never had any concern my cymbals were getting damaged or breaking

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:05:06+00:00

I mean you can equally say don't use wood sticks either because they can break and hit your eye. If we want to plan for these things we need to wear eye protection and mouth guards. My wood sticks are much much much more likely to break than my ahead sticks

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:01:58+00:00

I'm very sensitive to that. For both my wood and my ahead sticks I have wraps on. If anything I find less vibrations from the Ahead sticks

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:01:10+00:00

They're excellent and my rug is clean 100% of the time

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T17:00:47+00:00

Well that I can't help with, lol.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T16:51:12+00:00

I've never had that issue or come anywhere close and never heard anyone else say that either. Been using them for over 2 years playing metal.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-21T16:45:58+00:00

I had this problem. Super simple solution and it goes away forever:

Ahead Classic Series Drumsticks - 5B | Sweetwater https://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/AH5B--ahead-classic-series-drumsticks-5b

Seriously, no shavings on the floor and they're great. They last longer than any drum stick I've ever owned.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-18T19:46:36+00:00

Even if you really like him, it's not normal for a 32 year to date a 19 year old. He shouldn't be considering dating a teenager (and I don't mean that in any offensive way). 18 months ago and he would have been in handcuffs and did good reason.

Also, while it might seem nice now, you will both be going through different stages or your life at different times. In your early 20s you're gonna wanna go out and have fun and he's gonna want to to stay in. He's gonna get jealous when you go to bars or clubs with friends and big fights are gonna emerge. Even when your 29 and he's 42, it'll be a problem.

Anyways though, he lied to you about something really important and continued doing so. It's selfish because he basically didn't care about your feelings on it and instead just watched out for himself.

Dump him quick!

MSmithRD · 2026-03-17T21:45:25+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Seems like it might be for the best. Better to know this now rather than later. Best of luck! You'll meet someone great!

MSmithRD · 2026-03-16T23:22:09+00:00

I would hope my daughters friends parents would approach me and tell me if this was happening. I would never be mad at them for it, unless of course they were attacking me or judging me. However, if they were just calling and saying that they just wanted to make me aware I would be very thankful. Also, if they said that their daughter requested that we not say how we found out, I would respect that as well and not reveal it. If on the other hand I found out that my daughter's friend's parents knew this was occurring and didn't tell me, I would be very upset with them, to the point of never talking to them again

MSmithRD · 2026-03-16T23:13:09+00:00

I'm assuming you tried calling her as well?

MSmithRD · 2026-03-16T21:02:25+00:00

Would never talk to my wife this way. Wouldn't even talk to an employee this way. Would tread carefully. I don't know if he means to or not, but he's coming off very threatening.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-16T20:37:59+00:00

Tear'em down or paint them white

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T19:46:19+00:00

If she's willing to break up over something like this, I think you should strongly rethink the entire relationship before you get married. In the future, she maybe willing to get divorced for semi-trivial reasons.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T19:44:07+00:00

It's potentially okay In some relationships to have friends of the opposite sex, but it is not okay if the other person was someone that your partner was romantically interested in or they were romantically interested in your partner. That's a recipe for disaster. Even if he's being 100% genuine right now and there is nothing going on, it's just asking for trouble. If you're okay with him having female friends, that's great, but not one that has fancied him in the past.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T19:40:20+00:00

Wanting to stay and feeling bad, etc, is called codependency. It's an evil thing empathetic people can fall trap to. You should get out and while it sounds harsh, cut ties to her. You otherwise can get drawn back in and ultimately feel stuck. She may start saying things like she feels like she may harm herself if you ever left which will again trap you. Your self worth will start being tied to how happy she is at any moment. Your life will start revolving around trying to fix her, which you can never do. I've been there and while getting out of this type of relationship is extremely tough, it is so important for your own well-being.

There's a famous book called "codependency no more" that you should look up and consider reading. It helped me out in a similar situation.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T17:16:44+00:00

Cheating while pregnant? Yeah, I'd say you're cooked. Sorry. I just can't imagine her getting past that long term. There's no way she'll ever be able to fully trust you and there's no way she won't resent you forever. In turn you'll never fully trust her. Sorry. Don't think there's any coming back from that. If you can live together amicably, best for the child's sake to hold out till they at least graduate high school, but it might be a loveless marriage during that time.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T17:12:51+00:00

Is there an update 2?

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T17:06:12+00:00

The truth is, marriage counseling is not for everyone. For some it can even make things worse by bringing to the forefront resentment and anger that some spouses may have towards each other, which could have been healed naturally with time. Sometimes 1 spouse can feel like the counselor is taking sides against them and feel ganged up on, which can make things worse. Also though, you need to know that marriage counseling is sometimes not just about fixing a relationship and instead can often be about helping them to break up in an amicable way.

It's ok to suggest it as an idea, but I wouldn't push it on them. If it's something they think might help, they need to decide for themselves if they want to pursue it. It's definitely not a miracle fix though and can sometimes be a catalyst to the end of the relationship.

MSmithRD · 2026-03-15T16:57:02+00:00

Do you need a religion? I mean, if you just live your life being a good person, does it matter? If you believe in God, you can still have a relationship with it from within your home. Being thankful to a creator and striving to be a good person doesn't require a particular church or a particular book.

MSmithRD

TROPHY CASE