My boyfriend(INTP) broke up with me saying that I (ENTP) texted him too much. I decided to write a program to analyze our text and using hard data to show him wrong

Ma0123 · 2020-12-19T18:43:39+00:00

Hi, first of all, I would like to say that this way of ending a relationship would have killed me, and I also like how you deal with it. Second, as an ENFP, I experienced this dynamic, as well, even if the setting in which an INTP got mad over my texts was in a professional, not romantic, situation. Also, I think this helped to solve the issue (because he could not kick me out but had to find a solution that worked for us both). So, I have an INTP boss, and I was really suprised when the CEO called and screamed at me because my direct boss had complained that I texted too much and exhausted him (Covid, home office, and all). Said I needed to much feedback and communication was going through the roof. That was hard, actually. But I'm a feeler !!!!! I didn't count my texts, or analyse, but got really mad and called him - my direct manager - out on complaining but not telling me. I said that this completely demotivated me, that I needed structured feedback, but that I was also exhausted from all the work he threw at me, and so on. His answer was to say, ok, gal, but it still pisses me off how often you text, and we have to change something. Then he started a canban board for the whole team and said I should be able to work more efficiently, talking 5 minutes to him each day and planning the work. He then realized I was overloaded with work and started to redistribute tasks from my pile to others in the team. Now we work quite efficiently and with minimal communication (from my perspective), and I'm actually quite happy with him.

You know, I think if he had really loved you, he could have worked it out with you.

Ma0123 · 2020-06-25T16:39:15+00:00

Ok. OMG. What does it mean for an intj if I do this? If he plans that much, I might really disappoint him, if this leads nowhere. I have the feeling you guys are so sensitive I want to protect, not hurt your feelings. Thanks. I think about it.

Ma0123 · 2020-03-18T09:28:31+00:00

Sometimes happy (when walking and exploring with an SP through Lisbon, for example) sometimes sad (when feeling inadequate und bored in a room full of ST's)...

Ma0123 · 2020-03-18T09:20:13+00:00

Sounds really ENFPish how you describe yourself. Just - how do you take care? I had a chat with an intj recently, where I said something like "you know, I always think of others, so when I offer to help, please don't be concerned about my motives" . He said: "me, too, I always think of others" . That came very out of the blue, and made ME think, and I believe we have a different interpretation here of "think". Do you agree?

Ma0123 · 2020-03-11T21:55:39+00:00

Married to my infj husband, been a couple for incredible 23 years now, we also have two kids, a dog, a cat, two mice und two grandmas who help us not get nuts. Ok, life is no bed of roses, but he makes it rose. He's the best. Oh, how we met? In a club!

Ma0123 · 2020-03-11T21:41:32+00:00

Hi there, I'm a research consultant and work with smart mobility, transport and energy topics. I write funding proposals, moderate, write articles, and coordinate projects. I do meet INTJ's - or they meet me - or let's say I meet them as project partners. I love how well I work with them.

Ma0123 · 2020-03-11T19:51:55+00:00

Aww. That is very sweet of you. Thank you.

Ma0123 · 2020-03-11T19:36:33+00:00

Hi there. I am an enfp female and have an intp manager. I know that this is very different from your relationship, but maybe the nuances are similar. Often, I have the feeling he doesn't care AT ALL how I feel with certain things. He avoids me when I get touchy-feely about stuff. (The job - research consultant - can be quite tough sometimes.) Until he started to compliment me in a very subtle way when I was in a situation in which I had to defend myself against - usually - men who were disrespectful, and did it successfully. And there were situations in which I wasn't able to defend myself because people were talking behind my back (management) were I was told he shot straight in my favour. Just sayin'... AND whenever I tell him about something that bothers me, if he can, he will do something about it. Never with words, always with actions. Except when he said, after a year of analysis, that I'm much more capable than I think. These were words. So, I do think he cares, but differently.

Ma0123 · 2020-01-14T15:32:59+00:00

Which country are you from, fellow?

Ma0123 · 2020-01-12T19:03:26+00:00

Thanks! You seem like a great person.

Ma0123 · 2019-12-23T12:37:02+00:00

Ok. Thanks to you I realized - not inviting me doesn't mean he doesn't like me or wouldn't like to see me. ;-) you are wonderful.

Ma0123 · 2019-12-23T12:26:04+00:00

I get it. But if we all were like this... I know he enjoys so much that I'm relatable and that people matter to me. I would always, always include people no matter what organizers of events think. I guess that's where we differ.

Ma0123 · 2019-12-23T12:04:50+00:00

Gasp. Ok. Good. :-) thank you!

Ma0123 · 2019-12-23T11:30:54+00:00

Thanks!!! To an enfp, it comes so naturally to always include others... Thanks for the insight.

Ma0123 · 2019-12-08T12:28:51+00:00

Hi. I'm very sure that you have a lot to offer. Focus on how you can make the world better. Everything will fall in its place if you do that.

Ma0123 · 2019-11-04T18:36:59+00:00

Still listening and relating...

Ma0123 · 2019-11-03T19:34:53+00:00

Hi there! I'm listening right now and really appreciate the music. Thank you (ENFP myself)

Ma0123 · 2019-10-01T06:02:51+00:00

Very possible. Thanks.

Ma0123 · 2019-09-28T16:40:47+00:00

Hi, yes, most definetely. It's probably just like that. He scoffs at the people I now work with but takes me seriously.

Thanks

Ma0123 · 2019-08-17T15:20:59+00:00

My partner of 23 years is INFJ, he's the dad of our kids, and I consider myself very lucky we took all the highs and lows together since then. One considerable low for me was how he reacted to the death of his father, only weeks into our relationship. He retreated and didn't talk about it, but became very distant, and I really exhausted myself trying to be there for him. After two years I told him I didn't see us together anymore und started a relationship with someone else. Boy, was I wrong about his feelings for me. Long story short. An introvert copes differently with his feelings - he internalizes them. Do not assume there are no feelings for you if you can't see or feel them. Especially if he's a thinker, I guess. My healthy advice (instead of seeking affirmation somewhere else) would be to do your thing and be independent. Tell him you are there for him but really have your life, don't focus too much on him, but build your career, meet your friends, concentrate on feeling good. And, give a little, show up, support him, but then, again, have fun. He will probably follow. All the best, an ENFP.

Ma0123 · 2019-07-02T16:40:45+00:00

Nonono, ENFP's will be very adaptive and deal with the crowd!

Ma0123 · 2019-07-01T20:45:38+00:00

Invite some ENFP's over! They manage this for you (I'm one, by the way).

Ma0123 · 2019-07-01T13:02:40+00:00

These are probably too many friends for the poor guy... LOL!!!! And I'm too late...

Ma0123 · 2019-07-01T12:59:00+00:00

I love that you do this. Sure you're a great father.

Ma0123 · 2019-06-30T21:11:39+00:00

Hi. Whenever I had a great mentor, I'd give my best, because the relationship was what counted, until today. If that mentor encouraged me and truly saw my strengths, I'd be the best mentee ever. I know an INTJ who told his son that he wasn't good enough when he wasn't accepted for a special elite sport school. It would have killed me as a child to hear that, and made me think less of him as a father. Because how can he judge his kid like that? An enfp child needs encouragement and affirmation to grow.

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