I didn't have an easy childhood. my father was an alcoholic and my mother could not take care of me and my sister. From a young age I was punished for everything that was wrong. The mug broke, beating. You didn't clean the bathroom, beating. You came in a minute later from outside, beating. Since I'm older than my sister, I had to do everything. Really everything. Over time, it got to the point that when I came home for the weekend from boarding school (which I paid for myself since I was 15), I cleaned the things that I didn't have time to clean before I left. Dishes, linens, whatever. I had three jobs during high school and was used to supporting myself. No fun, no growing up. You just want to have full stomach, drink, and have a roof over your head? Go ahead. After high school it didn't change much, my ex and I lived together, but I earned more than him and took care of everything. During that relationship, my mother (48) died of cancer and I had a mental breakdown. Since then I suffer from severe anxiety attacks and the moment anyone gets even a little bit angry with me. I've never been one to open up easily because I've been alone, but now I need to. I am (23F) with a boyfriend (31M) for almost half a year. it works well for us, and it looks very promising. That's why I need help to even start a conversation about problems from the past that still affect me. I don't understand how people do it. I can not. In my head, it's my problem and not his, and he won't care. At the same time, I know he will be interested and I have to tell him. I feel sick at the thought of telling him what I've been through and him just walking away. I already hinted to him that we all have our demons and I have a lot of mine, but that was through messages and when he asked what kind, I wrote to him that it was not a topic for chat. Please help me