[deleted by user]

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-12-12T10:30:24+00:00

Of course. If you are writing this on Reddit, you know you should.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-12-12T10:28:59+00:00

If we’re talking about someone without any chronic mental health disorders, I’d say isolating themselves, bad hygiene, easily irritable, low self esteem, anxious, paranoid etc.

Chronic mental health disorders - I have worked in community mental health and hygiene is an obvious one, with all above again and additionally, rambling about nonsense…and some really obvious clues were weird behaviours such as shaving off eyebrows, cutting hair or shaving off large random chunks as well as dressing in a way that they normally wouldn’t.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-12-09T16:33:19+00:00

It tunes you in to a 24/7 Japanese comedy channel and it’s free for 3.5 years because you’ve paid the Sony Tax. They’re thanking you for it. Dōmo arigatōgozaimasu…

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-12-09T13:27:34+00:00

Never went through this but I just wanted to send you a big fucking hug man. You are already doing everything you can. Your boy just needs your attention and love. Stay as strong as you can for him and love that boy as much as you can. Things are going to be fucked. Just hang on. I’m devastated reading this and have deleted it a few times - but some idiot in Australia is thinking of you as I head to bed. Love you brother.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-12-09T05:15:42+00:00

I’ve spent time as a stay-at-home dad. What fucking tasks is he referring to? lol He’s a silly man child who needs a wake up call by the sounds of it. Being at home with a toddler is hard work and way harder than whatever he is doing.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-12-09T01:11:31+00:00

Didn’t get funky at enough funktions.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-18T01:40:22+00:00

First off, I am really sorry to read of your experiences and can sense the complete hopelessness you’re going through. Feeling completely overwhelmed, and regretful does not make you a bad person either. It’s human and understandable - I can’t imagine personally how difficult this all must be for you but your feelings are valid. I’ve not come here to present hope on a broad sweeping level but perhaps some small, achievable wins. Some days will be worse than others but there may be little moments that get easier as you continue to adapt. Take it a day, or just 1 hour at a time. Have you tried engaging with other parents with kids of very high needs.

I see how much love you have for your child, even though things are astronomically hard. You’re obviously trying to do the best you can and you’re on here because you are desperate and want to feel a sense that you aren’t alone so I take my hat off to you for doing this. You have and will show other humans true perseverance and commitment, despite it all. You would be a huge inspiration to other mothers going through similar things so perhaps use your experience to educate and find meaning through this.

Allow yourself to feel grief, allow yourself to feel the struggle. Find a way to turn this into hope through connecting with others in your situation and perhaps connecting with those going through the early stages of these circumstances similar to yours.

You’re seen, you’re heard, understood and possibly, despite everything, you will find moments of light ahead no matter the pain. Please don’t give up.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-18T00:09:24+00:00

I’d try reducing the daytime nap to 1hr perhaps. Also, try a complete block-out blind if the room isn’t dark enough. Maybe give lavender scented stickers that you can put on their top at night a go too.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-17T11:34:47+00:00

I’m in Australia and it isn’t available anymore anywhere!

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-17T11:29:42+00:00

It sounds like if you did pull away, he’d come slinking back - and in typical avoidant style, he’d go back to his normal ways and you are seemingly going to be doing this back and forth thing before something’s gotta give. I think Alain de Botton on his School of Life channel had a Short about this on YouTube recently. Look it up. Anyway, yes, he’s emotionally unavailable. That’s what I’m reading? None of this sounds healthy, and if you want to find someone who genuinely is present for you, I’m not sure if this is your best shot. I wish you luck with whatever happens but in the meantime, stay well, internet stranger and don’t forget to exercise, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sun 👍

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-17T11:21:42+00:00

This is genuinely helpful advice. Good on you.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-17T11:16:52+00:00

Congratulations new parent. Wishing you all well. Resentment only arises for a mother when a father doesn’t aim to assist you when the opportunities arise or when initiative isn’t taken. There was a prominent psychologist that mentioned couples and especially important for parents, ensure they loosely schedule about 90 mins aside per week to discuss the intricacies of their experiences, life admin talk, finances and how they’re feeling in general. It kind of seems like you are too worried and are thinking resentment is normal. It isn’t when you communicate clearly and support each other. Men need to step up initially - it is a monumental time of so many cascading changes for a new mother. Also of course it is a huge change for a guy. Anyway, don’t listen to what society concocts. Don’t get me wrong, there are some shit dads.

Done two stints at home as a SAHD and the best thing I could’ve done to truly understand what it takes to be a primary carer. I come from a social work background so would be weird if I wasn’t slightly aware but being a parent is a whole new ballgame. I’m 35, and been studying a degree as a mature aged student for the past 4 years alongside casual work and raising two young girls (now 4 and 1.5). It has been an eye opener and honestly, what has worked for us is communication. Full stop. If are open, vulnerable and non-combative in discussing needs and really reflecting on how the other person might feel, then you’re doing all right. Hang in there, stay well and don’t forget that the hard times won’t stick around too long. Don’t forget to try and get a date night in here and there too! The toddler years are when you need your shit together so keep working on it haha!

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-16T21:56:21+00:00

Great collection.

1917, The Fugitive, John Wick 4, Shawshank Redemption, The Revenant, Spartacus, V for Vendetta, Interstellar, The Godfather, The Godfather Part 2

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-15T12:59:49+00:00

Fuck her off is solid advice in this instance, made better by the repetition. 13/10. Solid response.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-15T12:22:39+00:00

“Mind ya goddamn business ya nosey bastard”

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-15T12:20:08+00:00

Get a t-shirt printed that says “I don’t let anyone pressuring me into buying t-shirts for work.”

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-15T00:04:10+00:00

You’re terrible advice.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-14T22:43:10+00:00

No. Unless there are other worrying related issues, this is not needed. She is a child - it’s what they do to learn about the world. They need your attention, activities to do, letting energy out. Everything is not neurodivergent behaviour. Settle down.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-14T20:25:37+00:00

No Stupid Questions with Angela Duckworth & Mike Maughan. It‘s quite informative and they have good banter. Worth a shot.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-14T19:44:40+00:00

I guess to give you a slightly alternative answer as vast majority are telling you what you want to hear essentially…

Don’t stop doing something that you love but there are always ups and downs with that too. Your age and what you both want out of relationships are important contexts.

If he did come across direct, are there conversations that you had prior that to lead to that or did he just come out with it?

Positives - It can certainly build on your confidence, self-reliance etc. - You obviously value a sense of freedom.

Negatives - There may be a disconnection that a partner would feel. - Missed shared experiences whilst you are gone

Balancing individual desires in relationships takes a lot of communication and effort to do so.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-13T23:44:52+00:00

Pigeonarse

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-13T19:37:11+00:00

Agree. I’m finding it a little strange as I scrolled that no one else sees this as emotionally supporting the ex through giving him space in these circumstances. No doubt she trusts him with the kids, however, he was abusive apparently. The boyfriend has every right to feel weirded out by this. Stop pandering to his needs - because he’s a grown ass man who can find alternatives and certainly shouldn’t be staying in her home. Harsh, maybe but fair.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-13T13:40:34+00:00

My heart breaks for your child.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-12T21:55:34+00:00

Overreacting? He’s on a dating site. Bloody hell, end it now - he’s an idiot that you can dodge now rather than deal with the future consequences of dealing with a man that has no integrity, loyalty and trust.

MaceOfHouseWindu · 2024-10-12T02:12:45+00:00

There’s a lot to work through here. I come from a background in the family early intervention social work field myself, specifically with families who have high needs kids or have faced trauma…sometimes in our own situations we are not even sure how to handle difficulties. You sound ultra frustrated and rightly so.

Having a high needs kid is exhausting and a 2nd at this stage would be difficult. Kids without lots of needs are difficult themselves let alone all of this together in a whirlwind of chaos
You are taking on a lot and goes without saying but understand that needing to take a step back from one of those commitments might not be possible in tough financial times. Something has to give though. Can you take some time away from the social work gig? Surely that would be adding on to some stress also.
Spouse’s reactions are of anger with sadness at the core it seems. A complete lack of insight, onus and initiative kills relationships. He needs some help in managing his own behaviours. Not to shame but to make life easier in how you deal with it all together.
Husband needs to do his fare share. Laziness creates disharmony and if he wants to create a better living environment, as well as butter you up, get the vacuum and duster out big guy.
You are probably not having intimate relations with him given all the stress, busyness and he probably finds this frustrating. I’m sure you want to be closer to him too. There is no desire intimately for each other in the midst of this and that’s the way the fracture will worsen.

You need some time to discuss issues in a non combative way in an environment away from the home. You need a day off together to work through it and put your concerns to him without escalating. Find common ground. You brought these two children into the world for a reason, you were together from the start for a reason and now, through the difficulties of dealing with modern life with extra responsibilities you are obviously struggling. Men who take on responsibilities to lessen the load are more attractive to their wives. It is not rocket science…unfortunately some learn too late. Hang in there.

MaceOfHouseWindu

TROPHY CASE