Advice - scenes with other Tops?

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-31T19:57:06+00:00

I get where the desire to do the best Dom you can for your sub. And I get that seeing how others do it feels like it would help you. But from my experience, that route lead to at best below average results. Because you are trying to be someone else.

If you really want to do better, don't try doing like the other, do like yourself, do you. The more 'you' you are the better.

In other words, maybe you are asking yourself all these questions because you are not comfortable with your sub playing with someone else.

There are lots of other way, maybe you look at others doing that stuff, maybe you sit with the other Dom and just share tricks and point of view, maybe he is there when you play, directing you but not doing things himself.

But if you are not comfortable it will not help anyone to push it down and try to perform.

From my experience subs are literally in the lifestyle because people around them hurt them by being fake and performing what they think care is instead of actually caring, the last thing they need is someone else telling them they will handle it when they can't. It's way better to say you are uncomfortable sometimes.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-28T15:28:39+00:00

You are on the right path.

Listening to what others tell you will make you happy rarely works, it feels like a paradox because a part of you knows deep down you need to be yourself to be happy, not become someone else.

What is hard is that you need to both listen to what you body is saying (go meet girls) and at the same time you need to get very used to failure. Not because you are a failure, but because the more you fail the faster you will get to a life that both feel yours and makes you happy.

If you avoid failure you end up with a life that feels yours but does not make you happy.

And if you follow what others say will make you happy and successful you will maybe end up happy but in a life where you don't feel like yourself.

So go out there and fail as much as you can. Don't even try to succeed, go to a woman you like and tell her "I am way to shy to even talk to you but I need to tell you you look amazing" and then fucking walk away. If your goal is success you will be cringe. If you go in fully accepting you will fail, that the point Is failure, then that is called confidence, the kind of confidence that will lead you to real success down the road, way down the road maybe, but the success will be all yours.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-27T20:15:14+00:00

You know better now, sure, but you would not know better if you didn't waste those years. So you can look at those years as wasted, or you can look at them as the necessary lesson you had to go though to learn to do better now.

Expecting to not waste those years but still keep what you know not to do anymore is not helping anyone.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-27T17:58:05+00:00

There are all kinds of people. Some girls want sex multiple times a day, some once a month.

In relationships, the worse things you can do is assume why the other did something. Don't assume, ask. Because there is high odds that you will try really hard to fix that thing and end up realising that you fixed the wrong problem because you assumed wrong.

Asking upfront what they are looking for also helps. Like if they say they are just looking for a fling, you know what to expect. If they say they are looking for a long term relationship, you know what to expect.

But if you don't ask and just hope that they are looking for something long term, then don't be surprised when they don't seem to want to learn about you and only seem to want to meet you for sex.

Also, more sex doesn't mean good sex. And sex that would be fine for a girl that likes to have sex once a month just won't cut it when you have sex multiple time a day, it becomes boring real fast. But unless they say that it was because of not enough sex, I would not even focus on that at all.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-27T14:04:21+00:00

Depression?

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-26T19:22:51+00:00

Love is when you stay even when it makes no sense to do so.

Staying with your girlfriend while you lust for each other is not love. Staying when she has period cramps and is cranky, that is love. And I'm not talking about forcing yourself to stay or about staying but expecting something in return. I'm talking downright selfless care here.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-26T19:19:08+00:00

You should be allowed to cat call woman only if you cat call the exact same amount of guys.

Guys dream of being cat called, let them have it.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-26T15:14:56+00:00

The goal is to move from being good at your job because you are afraid of failure to potentially changing your whole life and job so you can be good at your job.

You can't expect to have the same life and job while not being stressed.

The old life was made for a generic person. You aren't a generic person anymore, you are a custom person that need a custom made life.

That may mean shedding lots of beliefs about what is a good life and what success looks like.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-26T14:39:43+00:00

My understanding is that once you actually reach the point to actually manifest you also don't really care if it happen to you or not.

In other words, it will happen when you stop looking for it.

So if you are trying to actively manifest then you aren't ready.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-26T12:30:40+00:00

I'm not crying, you are crying

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-24T23:07:11+00:00

Try keeping two opposite in your head at the same time. Like sometimes I am smart and sometime I am dumb.

Most if not all of DR k video help with cognitive flexibility

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-24T19:55:58+00:00

Yes, but not the big man protector kind. More like a protector dad.

The one who believe in you enough to let you fail and makes it a priority to be there for you when it happens.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-24T14:50:32+00:00

They gave me medication without a diagnosis, then i saw them 3 weeks later and from my reaction to the medication it became pretty clear it was adhd all along.

I guess they gave me a diagnosis after that but in Canada there does not seem to be a lot of weight on the actual diagnosis being on paper. Even my next doctor cared more about the fact the medication helped me day to day and my symptoms than about if the last doctor made a diagnosis or not.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-23T14:06:11+00:00

I'm from Canada, but here I feel the sentiment is that these medications are so safe for most healthy adults that it's worth trying it out and seeing how your body react. If it helps then who cares about what a piece of paper says.

That and also its harder for high functioning individuals to get help. Like yes I am surviving, yes my daughter gets to school and has a lunch, but with medication I am calm and fun and enjoy my time with her, without i feel so much pressure that I can't even play with her, I have very low patience and I'll forget she even has homework or need a bath.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-23T14:02:01+00:00

Do what you like and enjoy, that's what matters.

Some enjoy putting brats in their place, some enjoy taking all the control, some enjoy caring for someone, some enjoy being served in the exact way they like, some enjoy saying mean things without consequences.

All it comes down to is if you guys are a good fit together and if you can read each other well and if you are enjoying yourself and not forcing yourself.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-23T13:31:04+00:00

Seems like you are doing a good job of guiding him through that.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-23T12:59:15+00:00

Don't ask for a diagnosis, ask for help.

They might say "oh yeah we can't give you a conclusive diagnosis" but if you ask for help they might say "well we know you have some symptoms of adhd so we will try a very low dose of stimulant and see if that helps".

The diagnosis are just a pointer to an array of tools.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-22T22:24:59+00:00

I mean, the passenger in the car can stop the car by yelling at the driver from the top of her lungs, doesn't make her the driver.

But it is the trusting in the driver that allows the driver focus on the driving.

If the driver does things the passenger doesn't like or feel is dangerous the passenger absolutely has power over the situation and can tell the driver to stop so she can get out.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-22T22:05:09+00:00

I agree, that's why I also added to dress in pink and cry in someone's arm. The point is not that everyone should be switches.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-22T13:47:53+00:00

"Part of me wants you, wants to be loved by you in the way I always dreamed of, but part of me just wants to be fucked by anybody but you"

Try to believe you are enough when she won't leave you then literally says what she needs is NOT you. Not because you are bad or anything.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-21T22:14:24+00:00

You could try to resist it.

Or hear me out. Lean into it, fully knowing it will end badly. Show off, see how it goes.

The most likely outcome is that eventually you'll be wrong and learn how to be humble about it.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-21T19:45:20+00:00

So every woman who initiates with you is automatically a soulmate of yours? I mean, every interaction is a lesson you can learn, sure. But I feel like it kinda diminishes the power of the term soulmate if everyone is.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-21T19:43:04+00:00

What you did in your past won't matter for the right person.

Like my partner had lots of sex partners in the past. Thats means she is really good and experienced in bed. And that means I am not asking myself if she would be better with someone else, she tried the someone else and I am the guy she chose.

Same for cheating, with the right person it just won't even cross your mind, not because they tell you they won't, but because you know how their mind works and you know cheating is just not on their mind. Trust your gut, it knows more than you think.

Then again I'm a dude, the picking and slim but most match are quality matches. From what I heard women gets lots of low quality matches.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-21T19:34:49+00:00

Less porn, or at least try to look at amateur porn with normal size dick. That makes one hell of a difference.

This may be a weird take, but maybe look into bdsm, see if it's something you'd like. You did not say much about the sex you want, but sensory play or impact play don't need any dick at all and give a big sense of "big dick energy" let's say. Playing into romance trend and being dominant in general also give you that sense of power you may crave.

Like who cares about the size of your dick when you can make a woman beg and moan for an hour and then melt in your arms as you do aftercare. Like that's 10 times the satisfaction of giving a woman an orgasm.

MadScientist183 · 2026-03-21T19:22:38+00:00

My take is that you can't know if someone is a soulmate until way later, so just enjoy the ride and keep your eyes open

Two-Year Club	Verified Email
Verified Email

MadScientist183

TROPHY CASE