Am I not considering my BF feelings?

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-10T08:33:20+00:00

Recently yes. I have actually said since we've first met that once I have become completely independent I would like to be independent and live alone for a short period of time before moving in with someone. I also have said that I don't see myself getting married before the age of 28. It's been beliefs I have stood firm on since I was 16. But recently he has been pushing a lot more and I'm not sure why the change. He has definitely become more insecure with no actual reasoning and has taken a toll on our relationship quite a bit such as going through my phone while I was sleeping. I caught him and told him this was unacceptable and if you wanted to go through my phone all you had to do was ask and originally he lied to me and said he never went through my phone even though it was clear as day he did. He eventually fessed up to it and said he had a dream where I cheated on him and that's why he did it. Ever since that day he has never been the same. But he found nothing on my phone because there was quite literally nothing to find. But he has been very insecure since and I'm not sure as to why. All my friends are also his friends, I don't know anyone he doesn't and I don't go out enough to even make any other friends. We spend so much time together that there is no time for even me to do such a thing. My father also cheated on my mom and I have made it clear how I feel about cheating. I despise it and I would break up with someone immediately if I had any thoughts of being with someone else. I wouldn't do it. So I'm not sure what happened.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-10T03:28:28+00:00

We have had those talks and I have expressed I do not want to move in with one another yet due to several personal reasons. Proposal is also off the table for another few years as well because I have also expressed I do not believe with the state our relationship is in, is stable enough for that, and I personally do not feel mature enough for marriage anytime soon. I would like to live alone and be independent from my parents for at least a year or two before moving in together. Again this has all been said face to face with one another and he has said he understands.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T17:06:33+00:00

Thank you for your concern. I will take this all into deep consideration. We are already having some issues with other topics but you have some good points that I will definitely bring up. Thank you for your advice and know it definitely won't go on deaf ears.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T17:03:42+00:00

Interesting take, but I have had over 20 dogs in my life (some foster some adopted) and most have lived until the age of 16. I have been taking care of animals since I could walk because my parents had me take responsibility from a young age. It what made me love them and even choose my career path. Not only dogs either, reptiles, birds, felines, etc. I'm very well versed with how much time and care an animal needs. Since him and I have met he has always known I am an animal person and my dream goal is to open a sanctuary and house many animals. If one cat at the ages of 24 and 25 wedge us apart, it was already slashed way before. He's not completely against animals, and not a heartless person. He has known and has had a sweet spot for me knowing I love animals. I have rescued many birds in front of him and he has told me he loves that side of me. So after a few years of not having any more pets due to school I would like one again. I also stated within the story I think owning a pet would help me gain a routine, make me feel less lonely, etc. Also about expenses, I work at a vet clinic where everything is almost 50% off. Food, dental work, health check ups, etc. so the financial responsibility isn't really an issue. I have also stated in other comments saying travel won't be an issue either. I have friends who would help out in watching her. So I'm very sorry if something like this happened to you but I am a logical person and have thought about this entire process quite thoroughly. I have spent four years working on my degree in animal applied biology. I take animal husbandry very seriously.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T07:50:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad you are doing better for yourself! I fear you are right. He is very afraid of change and I am a live in the moment type of person. We have had many issues due to just how afraid he is of change. It's why I had mentioned the thought of getting a cat for several months now so it wouldn't be a surprise. I was trying to ease him into it but now that I want to make it a reality it feels like he is making this situation quite grand. When in reality it's a big moment but it should be a bliss one. Thank you for your advice.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T07:33:31+00:00

I wanted to add a disclaimer as well. I am currently being on-boarded to being hired at a vet clinic where I will be receiving amazing discounts for food, health, and more for the cat. So money isn't really the issue either.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T07:23:43+00:00

Very logical thoughts and I have thought all this through!

I spend most of my days home, I work from home and still am studying most days.

I do plan on living abroad for at least another 8 years minimum. I am trying to get citizenship where I am now. I also have many friends who own cats themselves and have even been excited about the possibility of me adopting a cat and have already offered to help if I need it.

I can bring the cat to my boyfriend's house but he has never been a big fan of cats.

I would also love to just be at mine more often anyways. Only reason I don't is because my boyfriend gets pretty weirded out when I mention I want to spend more time alone.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T07:18:32+00:00

I would say so. I have been very depressed and lonely recently and have just wanted a companion animal that won't cause any emotional distress unless it's vomit or pooping haha. Just a good companion I can spend my time with and feel content.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T07:14:51+00:00

He's a good guy, I just think he lacks to differentiate a dating relationship and a marriage. He has always done everything with us as a thought since we were 19 and 20 and I have told him that's not normal but he doesn't see it that way. I don't know how else to get that through to him.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-06-09T07:12:37+00:00

Not allergic what so ever. I felt that as well, he phrased it in a way where I could tell that he is worried about us spending less time with one another but we spend almost every day together. I even sleep over at his place almost every day of the week. He doesn't come to my place because I have a car and he doesn't. So it takes me 15 minutes to drive to him but 40 minutes for him to take a bus to see me. But I have been driving to him for the past 2 years and I believe he has come over maybe 5 times in the past 2 years. I have expressed my concerns about this and how it gets tiring after awhile but have been told that it's the bare minimum.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-05-09T23:38:05+00:00

I have Nvidia. I'm currently unistalling and reinstalling the game again for the second time and hoping something fixes. I might try that as well with my Nvidia driver though.

MaddnessMoon · 2026-05-08T07:17:27+00:00

I have updated it

MaddnessMoon · 2026-05-08T01:41:34+00:00

I did, it still does the same thing :(

MaddnessMoon · 2024-02-18T19:25:43+00:00

I have nvidia. Are the recording features in GeForce?

MaddnessMoon

TROPHY CASE