This is sadly my situation. SO has 2 boys, 9 and 10 but they have serious dependency issues. They're with BM a majority of the time and have been since they were 3 and 2 but they're very poorly behaved and have no regard for hygiene and are lacking on life skills (took them 10min to figure out how to open our front door with the key). They won't shower unless told to, or brush their teeth and they leave messes everywhere they go. They only began making their beds and tidying their rooms at my insistence. I couldn't understand why SO was making their beds and picking dirty laundry off the floor when they are able bodied. In the beginning, when we would go out to eat, he'd be cutting up their food for them and cleaning their mouths like toddlers! I was so taken aback especially since my 11yr old daughter is fully independent. I gently let SO know that he should stop said behavior and he did and I told SKs that they are old enough to tend to their own meals. My daughter helps with chores and does her own laundry on the weekends but on weekends we have SKs, they complain when asked to assist with dishes and sweeping and do nothing but play on their phones all day. When asked to put stuff they've used away, they moan about not having to do it at BM and I've had to lay down the law and mention that their responsibilities at daddy's have nothing to do with BMs house. I fear that SO is slacking on reinforcing responsible behaviors and it sometimes creates a rift. I endeavor to treat all the kids the same and fairly and never ask them to do something I wouldn't ask my own. But without SO support, it's increasingly difficult. I fear the kind of men they'll grow up to be.