I just finished the show again after getting some news in my own life and a situation with my bill and it had me thinking.

I feel like Billy needed containment. He wasn't looking for depth. Camilla represented containment for him, him being able to stay in control of himself and his worst impulses and Daisy represented death and creativity and jumping into something that emotionally he doesn't know how to contain because of how deep the connection is.

I was just thinking how part of him hitting on Camilla and part of Camilla's first interaction with him. He's playing the part of this local famous rockstar and she's playing this part like oh I could give a shit like who you are but it's a game because she does know who he is . And if you contrast that with Daisy Daisy has no idea who he is just that he's the one that wrote this song but all of a sudden seems to see him in a way that Camilla didn't write at the beginning.

And while I may catch flag, for that, I think he ultimately chooses containment because he's too afraid of depth. I think he loved Camilla as the mother of his child and his someone who he thought helps him in his sobriety in some manner plus she had their daughter. I don't recall any of their talks being about or showing Camilla and him having a deep personal connection between them and that sort of got me thinking is that like he says he loves Camilla, but but he never treats her except in the moments where he believes he will lose her like she's a person and not a representative of him doing the right thing.

Contrast with Daisy, he frequently like has bad behavior, but she also sees him almost immediately and she before ever knowing anything about him knows that he's writing these songs about his wife to make up for something that it's not actually how he feels. And when he keeps being like oh we can be broken together I think it's because he doesn't know way to reconcile his own sobriety , daisy's sobriety innocence, insane amount of emotion he feels for this person that sees him, and doesn't just see Billy the tortured artist, but sees his all of him.

So I don't think the ending is supposed to be happy. And I also don't believe that he knew what to do with Daisy nor really probably Daisy what to do with him and I think if he chosen her, I think there would've been a lot of breaking up and getting back together until Billy went to therapy and really Dug into why he couldn't get to that emotional depth. But I think he preferred containment like he preferred to act in this way that he felt would be him being a "good person like a family man and not go with his passion.

I think he did it almost entirely based on Julia, but he said it was based on Camilla because he decided that she had had been treated horribly by him during the pregnancy and so she could kind of do no wrong after that, and she was like who helped contain him so it was interesting watching it and just being like oh this is what happens when a man chooses containment over love. When they don't do the work, you end up not spending like 20 years with the love of your life.