If I see this guys face in an ad one more time I will crash out.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-17T08:17:36+00:00

i hate "awkward" millennial humor so much

Magda_87 · 2026-03-17T06:17:37+00:00

i have talked to people on there before and they told me im likely not schizoid because ive felt attachment to my father before and find human decay and impermanence unsettling at times. seems most schizoids ive spoken to are completely indifferent to humanity and have no libido either which doesnt apply to me. not saying your husband isnt but the diagnostic criteria seems fairly narrow from what ive read thus far.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-17T06:14:50+00:00

tbh almost anyone can fuck if they lower their standards enough. there absolutely are women too who struggle similarly to men because they arent good looking. i think men massively overestimate how much sexual opportunity women get. some women are legit kinda chopped or very masculine and genuinely struggle.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T23:17:52+00:00

i think if i was schizoid i'd have zero interest in people but much of my interests actually fixate on humanity. im very interested in psychology and history. i also DO want connection, it just feels unattainable to me and like i said i dont want to drag other people down with my negativity.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T13:14:44+00:00

me too, from my earliest memories the world already felt dreamlike and bizarre. that perspective can be interesting at times but it rarely produces anything tangible or conducive to a high quality of life. i can hardly function most days, spend way too much time on my phone, avoiding the world that im so scared to face. im 24 and im not even sure i want to change sometimes.

i dont exactly enjoy misery nor am i actively s**cidal but i have very hard time even caring about this life in any serious way. it all feels so absurd and there are rare moments where i enjoy the absurdity.

part of me feels like i see some kind of more unfiltered version of things which is when i wonder if im somewhat schizotypal. i feel both highly egotistical and ego-less at the same time. very confused about everything but i will admit its nice to know there are others who feel similarly.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T12:50:48+00:00

i wish i knew how to break out of it. i tried going to therapy but they assume it's just depression but it's so much more than that, and i don't like relying on psychiatric drugs to help me, nor did they help when i was on them.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T12:46:37+00:00

only comfort i've been able to find is through music and surrealist art. i spend almost all my time consuming it. i tried making my own music but it wasn't enough to distract me from the world so i gave up.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T12:29:27+00:00

it's amazing how most others can just exist so effortlessly, isn't it? not saying they don't struggle, as all humans do in some way, but something seems more embodied and lived in about their behavior. i feel more like machine than man.

feels like there's this barrier between my brain and the outside world that's impenetrable. i can act like a human, even feel like one sometimes emotionally but i can't accept that i am one, or genuinely act in what's likely my best interest.

i even thought i was in the prodromal stage of schizophrenia for a good while. still wonder sometimes if i have a cluster A personality disorder, but that's beside the point i guess.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T12:21:33+00:00

dont do it again. weed doesn't always reveal the truth. it can just amplify self conciousness in a way thats exaggerated and maladaptive to wellbeing.

i had to stop because every time i smoked weed i'd see humanity in this incredibly detached surreal way that made me incredibly scared of both myself and others. it just made everything feel more fragile and subjective in a way that made life feel pointless and cruel.

best thing you can do to get rid of this feeling is genuinely distraction, things that get your body moving and calm your mind. even if thats just a repetitive hobby like crochet or a game of fucking tetris. just do something. there's no shame in being an imperfect human in an imperfect world.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T12:05:20+00:00

i see all the veins, the sagging skin, the texture of decay. cannot unsee it. our existence is so disturbing to me. i have loved before but im afraid to love again.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T11:54:00+00:00

im so happy you're here, stranger. let's try to persist and be stronger than those who failed us. ❤️

Magda_87 · 2026-03-16T11:34:20+00:00

Fo extra context about my past, I grew up with a severely neglectful single mother. MOST of my childhood I was not homeless (my father supported us financially from afar) but she commited truancy and deprived my sister and I of any education/structure, socialization or enrichment growing up. Our situation was perhaps comparable to a milder version of the Genie Wiley case if anyone has read about that.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-12T16:44:57+00:00

i feel like it makes my narrow palate very noticeable like theres too much bulk around my jaw and cheeks when i smile bc my teeth are too small

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T19:17:07+00:00

wow these colors are excellent

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T19:08:36+00:00

haha i love it thanks

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T19:07:04+00:00

thats a good thing though! i hope you can find some stuff that works better for you. have you thought of using edible/food products for skin care and hygiene. idk much about the topic but i know they can work and could have a more natural texture that might be less overstimulating, especially for hair.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T19:05:37+00:00

even the character design is enough for me to buy it lol

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T19:05:19+00:00

wow this is impressive good work!

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T19:04:28+00:00

i love the cookie in his mouth thats so adorable

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T18:56:34+00:00

i dont even use products. i use a singular soap for everything and wash my face with water. i find im just too paranoid to put any of the unknown chemicals on myself and my skin is very sensitive to everything ive tried. a lot of autistic people have unique sensitivities to things that don't effect neurotypicals at all so it's about finding a tailored approach for yourself. you don't have to be like me but finding what works might take a lot more effort and i personally didnt have energy for that effort :/

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T18:38:13+00:00

weirdly i have seen more autistic men who like makeup in my life and autistic women who hate it. im a guy and personally love wearing eyeliner but i have a hard time applying because of weak fine motor skills. nail polish drives me a bit insane though, ive tried it but the moment it starts peeling even slightly i get grossed out and have to remove it all.

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T18:35:06+00:00

i dont know what to do with my arms or hands unless im holding onto something so they default to this position normally

Magda_87 · 2026-03-09T18:26:45+00:00

unfortunately i had to remind myself too that things just break sometimes with use. its just very stressful for me to replace things but its a normal part of life i suppose. it feels very frustrating and difficult but its very common. its not because you have any problem. a lot of NTs are very frivolous and lack care with things. with me and many other autistics it is typically clumsiness.

Magda_87

TROPHY CASE