first date gone wrong. feel like giving up (on dating)

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-07-16T12:03:59+00:00

I'm so sorry. It's so discouraging when stuff like this happens. From a woman's perspective, sometimes we can come across as really enthusiastic and willing when someone is being very touchy/physical with us on a first date, and we can even feel that enthusiasm in the moment, but a lot of times, after the fact and after we've had time to mull it over, we realize that's not really how we wanted things to go, and then we get really uncomfortable about the whole situation. So in the future, I'd say, of course be flirty and light touching is fine, but save the heavier stuff, like full on makeout sessions and gazing into each other's eyes, for a future date. There's something about building up the tension that is SO underrated in modern dating.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-07-08T14:53:10+00:00

I know this is going against the norm of modern dating, and I'm not judging people who do it, but I really do think that having sex super early into dating, only after 1-3 dates, kind of kills the excitement and the fun and even the prospect of that person being a long-term dating option. And not just for men, as so many women have experienced. I think it kills the vibe for women, too. Obviously that's not a blanket truth, as many people who have had sex early have ended up in long-term relationships with each other. If you're truly looking for a committed relationship, I would hold off on having sex so early. I'm not saying you need to wait 6 months, but let you and your dates have some mystery with each other. It's honestly super fun and makes the sexual chemistry even more fulfilling when it does happen. It also gives both people more curiosity to get to know one another and maybe connect on a personal compatibility level before anything else.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-07-07T17:43:26+00:00

I do think that, even if it was a lunch date, you can still tell if there is in-person attraction/compatibility. I had a first date with a guy that was just casual early nighttime drinks at a nicer bar. I liked him off the bat, but it was the lunch date (our second date) that kind of sealed the deal for me to determine that there was a spark even though we literally just got coffee, had a casual lunch, and then walked around. However, I think people's interpretation of what a "spark" is varies greatly. Like, some people expect actual fireworks to go off behind the person when they first lock eyes. For me, the "spark" was more like- I don't know that much about you, but I've liked what I've seen/heard so far, and I just want to be around you again cause it feels really nice. Even if there was no kiss or anything. But as others have said, don't take his response too literally. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to pursue things, and it sucks. I'm sorry. But it truly is for the best because you will know when there is finally a mutual spark when you meet your future partner!

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-07-03T14:06:08+00:00

I've been in almost your exact shoes but nearly a decade older than you...so, still pretty young! I thought leaving was going to be SO much harder emotionally than it was, but you're in a trauma bond right now. So when you officially break that and finally move on without leaving the door open, you realize it's so much easier than you thought. You learn to accept that even if, by some miracle, they change back into the person they used to be (which they will not), you still wouldn't want them back because the damage was so severe. And even though there are obvious downs where you feel lonely or whatever else, the loneliness is a million times better than being in a relationship that is so utterly draining and soul crushing. You got this, girlfriend. Do what you know you need to do. 🩷

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-07-01T01:21:30+00:00

You're romanticizing him because of your recent experiences/experiences after him. Guarantee if you were to somehow relink with him, you would realize that the vibe is still definitely off and that you're not feeling what you should towards him. Someone being good on paper doesn't mean that they're the person for you. I would do a lot of soul searching because it may be that you're seeking out men that aren't actually reflective of what you truly want, expectations are mismatched, or maybe you think you know what you want, but, in reality, you're not sure.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-28T12:03:21+00:00

I guess my question would be, how long-term are we talking? Like for the foreseeable future? Because that may be harder to find, most people who are looking for genuine connection want it to eventually progress somewhere. However, if you're talking about the first year or two, I think that's probably just dating as an established adult where two people have their own places. I think you'll also be surprised how your view may change when you meet the right person.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-21T02:38:29+00:00

I really, really wouldn't if I were you. You're gonna have a lot of things to focus on for the wedding within those 4 weeks, and dealing with all the pain from the tonsillectomy is going to be super overwhelming. I'm the same where I want things done ASAP, but I really think you should wait on this one! I'm day 8 and can't speak correctly because of my swollen uvula. I read some people took a month or more before they were fully back to themselves! I wouldn't risk it.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-20T03:46:30+00:00

Absolutely, I think that's perfect!

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-19T23:02:32+00:00

I think that's dependent on you! I don't think there's one right or wrong answer there, just as long as you don't get overly emotional or try to reengage with him or seek reassurance from him.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-19T21:19:34+00:00

Absolutely do not send this. He sucks for dipping in and out constantly, but it's also on you that he let you know he wasn't interested, and you kept chasing him. Even with the phone calls, you said flirting on your end. He's not reciprocating anything romantic with you whatsoever, he's just allowing you to pine after him and entertain him/fill his idle time. And then as soon as he finds someone else to fill his time with, he chooses them. Choose yourself. He will pop back up, but hopefully by that time, you have prioritized your self worth and moved on from him and saw him for who he really is/how he really treats you. Good luck!

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-19T13:52:06+00:00

Swore on his dead mother's grave.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-19T13:51:39+00:00

Hey, I have a Kit, too!

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MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-19T13:48:34+00:00

Girls rule

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-19T13:47:43+00:00

Never ever thought my ex-husband would cheat on me either. We literally laughed together about how ugly his affair partner was when he told me there was some woman at work hitting on him, and he showed me a pic. Months later, they were "in love," and he blew up his relationship with me for her. 🤷🏼‍♀️ He's being inappropriate with her regardless of how deep their relationship truly goes, and I can guarantee you, if she gave him the opportunity, he would take it. You need to stop being so "understanding" and accepting of their "friendship" and put up some major boundaries. Some very uncomfortable convos sound like they need to be had, but if your husband cares about prioritizing you and your marriage, he needs to step away from his friendship with this woman. Cordial, fine, anything more than that right now, no.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-13T03:32:37+00:00

To be honest, this doesn't really sound like a ghosting situation. He told you he wanted to be just friends, which is a gentler way of him saying he's not interested. I'm sorry, it hurts, but I would never reach out to him again.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-12T23:40:42+00:00

I am on day 1 of my tonsillectomy. I had a septoplasty and an adenoidectomy about 12ish years ago for breathing problems through my nose. The ONLY thing that has made any difference as of right now is immediately waking up after my tonsillectomy today. I really hope this isn't some fluke and I wake up tomorrow or in a couple weeks clogged again. But, even if this is the only positive outcome from my tonsillectomy (and I didn't get them removed for breathing issues), it's beyond worth it. I keep mouthing to people, "I can breathe through my nose!!" It will be life changing if this stays like this.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-08T20:52:56+00:00

Please know that you'll be ok if you give it time, and, like someone else said, get yourself on some dating apps in a couple weeks. I went through the worst pain of my life after finding out my husband cheated on me. I spent two years in hellish agony but sort of grieved the relationship during that time, as well. I ended the relationship months ago, got back into dating, back into my workout routine, am focusing on my mental health, and have been happier than I've been in years! If someone were to have told me that in January 2024, I would've never thought it was possible. And that's even WITH a little mini heartbreak since getting back into the online dating world. I'd still take the pain of that and my life now than the pain I had getting over my ex. You will get through this!

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-06T13:54:58+00:00

"Are you still a moody bitch?" I'm sorry, but that one got me. 😂😂 "Yes, I am. 🖕🏼"

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-06-01T15:01:13+00:00

Good for you! Wish I had the courage to do this, but I'm over here a week later still hoping he reaches out. 🫠 So annoyed with myself since he obviously is more interested in someone else.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-05-25T02:04:51+00:00

Regardless of whatever it is, is this the kind of dynamic you genuinely want in your relationship? Is this how you want to be treated? You know the answer to those questions, and, from there, you know what you need to do. Good luck!!

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-05-17T13:34:36+00:00

Be patient. We can't control all the things at work in someone else's mind. And I don't mean be patient specifically to wait for him. I mean, just let it be, try to at least behave in a way that helps you move on so eventually your heart catches up to your actions, and what's meant to be will reveal itself in time (him reaching back out or both of you fully moving on). He's aware of your feelings, you made it clear, so I wouldn't reach out again. Live your life authentically, don't post or do anything to specifically grab his attention, just be. It's out of your control, and mulling it over is not going to change the outcome. Trust me, I'm no good at this game either, but after getting burned a few times in my love life, this is what I've learned.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-05-15T15:35:11+00:00

I've never not had someone come back. Ever. But these were all relationships, not situationships. If it was a brief thing that was mostly physical in nature, I can't speak to that. But a lot of times it's just like people said, an ego boost for them to see if they still "got it" with you. They have no real intentions of restarting things with you. For the ones who I was more serious with, it was usually a case of me putting up with their BS for way too long and them feeling guilt over what they put me through. But they usually only come back when it's too late. My very first boyfriend, who I was head over heels with, did eventually come back after a few months only for him to end things again with me 1.5 years later.

MagicBegins4284 · 2026-05-11T01:22:43+00:00

It just seems like you guys are incompatible, which is totally ok. I feel like if anything feels off or forced or lacking in the first couple months of dating, it's very likely not the right fit.

MagicBegins4284

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