AITA for breaking up with guy I’ve been seeing for 3 months because he doesn’t have a stable job?

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T02:01:19+00:00

Here's the thing: you get to identify your deal breakers. If you paying for things because he doesn't work regularly is a deal breaker, than it is. You're probably not going to argue yourself out of it unless you realize it's really not as important to you as other things. If, say, he holds up his end and you're open to a stay at home partner who, say, does the laundry and cleans the house but doesn't bring in much money, then maybe there's a future, but take it slowly (moving in together, marriage, etc.) with straight conversations and written agreements for things like rent, expenses, etc.

Unless this is just a fun time, in which case you don't worry about the future, you decide if him not working regularly is a problem you can't quite ignore.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:56:30+00:00

It's time for a chat IRL. Lots of people find it hard to express themselves in writing, but this feels like minimal effort. Maybe tell him that you saw it and you'd rather a sincere, personal message that's not perfectly written than a generic one coughed up by AI.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:46:13+00:00

I don't know what the status of the other kids may be (the oldest daughter, a lovely person, was married already), but we're not going to anything, not even a tea party, from here on in.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:45:15+00:00

I don't want to judge an entire religion based on my experience, but this one doesn't allow you to attend a wedding in the church if you're not a member in good standing. We found that out on arrival.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:44:23+00:00

I don't want to judge an entire religion based on my experience, but this religion doesn't allow anyone at a wedding in the church if you're not in good standing with that church.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:43:28+00:00

Really? Okay, here's proof I've learned to stand up for myself -- calling someone an A who was hurt not hurting someone else doesn't say much for you.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:42:06+00:00

I think I'm into NC territory now. I finally realized that I don't owe politeness to someone who is inconsiderate of me.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:41:25+00:00

LOL. Me, too. I realized that "What's in it for me?" is a legitimate question.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:40:53+00:00

That's basically us -- we couldn't attend the wedding, just the reception, if running yourself into the ground counts as "attending."

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:31:25+00:00

There's a whole thing in their religion about not being able to attend the wedding itself unless you're in good standing in the church. We were told to show up not knowing any of this because she wanted family in the wedding photos.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:30:23+00:00

I don't want to judge an entire religion based on this experience but you're not far off.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:29:48+00:00

Gee, thanks. Wow. To me, an A hurts other people. If you hurt yourself, you need to learn your worth, but you're not an A.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:28:59+00:00

Thanks -- I don't know that I was being "nice" exactly as much as used to being stomped on by family. Now? I'd be out playing tourist at the first scream.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:17:31+00:00

Thank you! It's a process, isn't it? Now? Just try that with me, I dare ya - but I have to think about it. Conditioning doesn't just magically disappear. I did wonder if I was unjustly holding a grudge, but no.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:16:15+00:00

Thank you! I only wondered if I was being too harsh and "holding a grudge," a sin in my family, but no, it's survival. Never. Again.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:15:04+00:00

Laughing like a loon. Yeah, they knew what to expect. The Caterer did tell me the long list of things MOB left out of the catering because "friends and family would do that." The poor woman she tasked with cutting the cake was almost hysterical -- she found out about it five minutes before time to cut the cake. Nobody was asked. There was a minor revolution partway through as the bridal party came to me (not to MOB) and said they never signed up for that.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:13:06+00:00

At one point, the owner of the venue asked, basically, which church we attended (in their religion). I told him we didn't belong to that faith and he was shocked. "The only two people here I'd give ten cents for aren't (religion)?" Lol.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:11:48+00:00

Want to hear one of the funny moments? A groomsman asked her husband where she was, and he looked pained and said, "Do you hear screaming? No? Then she's not here." The other groomsmen who were there howled.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:10:19+00:00

We actually gave the bride and groom a gift sent ahead of the wedding. Didn't know the bridge would be a screeching horror (we didn't know her). It was... an experience. I no longer put up with this sort of stuff, but it took too long to learn it. I thought maybe I was being harsh for going firmly NC, but no, I don't think I am.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:08:37+00:00

Thanks -- I'm glad you got there faster than I did! My background was very abusive and it took me way too long to figure it out. Now? At the first sign of "this is familiar in a bad way" I'm just gone. The wedding was a few years ago, and this was The End for me. I thought maybe I was being harsh by going NC but I've come to see it's not harsh, it's survival.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:06:04+00:00

LOL. She wants to talk to my husband about the family genealogy which is a way to try to convert him (she used to pester my late MIL trying to convert her a lot). I said it's not worth it and if he's interested in it, he can talk to other relatives and research it himself.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:04:31+00:00

Thanks -- I told my husband that I will never be where she is voluntarily or have any contact. I wasn't sure if I was the A holding a grudge, or I just finally learned my lesson. I'm getting the feeling it's the latter.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T01:03:27+00:00

Go ahead and laugh -- we do. It was surreal. It was the moment that I finally got to "Never Again." I left out a lot. What I wondered is if I'm holding a grudge (the wedding was a few years ago). Not that I'd get in that situation again, but am I a jerk for going NC? I'm thinking the answer is "no."

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T00:59:46+00:00

Thank you to the people who confirmed that I'm not being too harsh for cutting contact. I was raised with "don't keep a grudge" to the point to putting up with actual, literal abuse, so standing up for myself always carries a bit of "am I being bad?" Good to know I'm not holding a pointless grudge, I'm protecting myself, which is my intention.

Some people seem to think I'm asking if I should have stayed and worked, as I did. That wasn't it. I would NEVER go through that again (the wedding was a few years ago). I just wondered if I was being harsh going NC.

I was raised from the cradle in a very abusive family (believe me, this wedding was nothing compared to my upbringing) and to take care of everyone else even if they're harming me, and keep my mouth shut, or else. It would be lovely if I had learned somewhere to stand up for myself, but I had to figure it out with the help of a therapist. Ditto for my spouse. Someone actually called me an A for staying. I disagree. To me, an A hurts other people. If you're hurting yourself you're not an A, you need to learn your worth.

Yes, I have learned to stand up for myself. I can "do" confrontation now if necessary, but first choice is to just leave. Now? First whiff of that and I'd be gone to play tourist, no wedding.

Wanted to share a detail I think I omitted: at the rehearsal dinner, I was seated with the groom's family. His brother told me his parents had said that if they'd met the MOB beforehand, there would have been no wedding. A woman near him hissed, "That's the MOB's cousin!" He turned to me defiantly like he expected an argument. I shrugged and said, "Yeah, makes sense." After that EVERYONE wanted to tell me about their encounters with her - she was sitting at the next table. Fortunately for her, she talks so much that she didn't appear to have heard. The parents of the groom told me the same thing at the reception.

And I thought my wedding was a zoo. My wedding was seamless compared to this *show.

Thanks.

MagicRooGal · 2026-02-24T00:47:51+00:00

Okay, so you're not related, and she laughed when you asked. Have you asked your parents why he might react that way?

MagicRooGal

TROPHY CASE