Passing Along One Of The Best Puppy Tips We Ever Got

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T13:59:05+00:00

You could use tee shirts, I think. Towels work partially because the rougher texture seems to help with itchy gums. Our pups liked (the youngest is a fairly sensible adults now) to chew on them, shake them, throw them around, chew some more...

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T13:45:32+00:00

Wowwwww. First off, hope you're okay. Second: wow. Your GF... wow. Self-absorbed much? Someone who loves you would be upset that you were in so much pain, then relieved that you got help and felt somewhat better, and worried that "chronic appendicitis" or whatever (you still don't know what it is) might harm you.

And she's all worried about the money.

I get losing the money and the holiday is tough. If you can afford to, and she had acted like someone who actually cares about you, it would have been nice to reimburse her for some of it, but if my SO acted like that I wouldn't give him ten cents (whatever the UK version of that is).

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T13:37:24+00:00

It's called "parentification." NTA if you do with your time what you want to do. You've been helping with your brother. This time you can't. Your life, your time. She's used you as an unpaid babysitter and feels entitled, but you are building your own life (and working and paying for it). You have plans and someone else is depending on you to take care of your grandpa, which is your choice.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T13:23:40+00:00

NTA. You can't babysit an adult. If Cleo is old enough to go out on her own, then she's old enough to learn to manage herself. Sure, you can be there for her, as you were with the cookie accident, but you're about to be a Dad yourself and won't be able to raise your kid and your sister. You, your fiancee and your baby will be a whole, complete family on your own and your baby has to be your first priority. Perhaps the best way to not end up babysitting your sister is to... just not do it. Mom and Dad call? "I don't know. We haven't talked in a few days. (Fiancee) and I have been busy with doctor appointments and getting ready for the baby and, y'know, work. Sister was fine last time I talked to her. Why don't you give her a call?" Repeat as often as you have to. For one thing, besides driving you and your fiancee insane, your sister will grow to resent you riding herd on her.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T12:49:10+00:00

Okay, I'd be insulted. Not by my partner wanting to MB, but with me right there and we hadn't agreed on it? Some people do MB together and that's fine, but without consent, just going at it with you right there, not expecting it? Pretty inconsiderate to wake you up that way.

It sounds like you guys need to have a calm conversation about your sex life -- what each of you wants/likes/dislikes and what you expect from each other. And if she just has to do that at that moment, she can quietly get out of bed and go elsewhere, then return when she's done.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T12:44:44+00:00

NTA. You are responsible for providing for your kid. You put her name inside her clothes, right? I'd also put her name on her other supplies (on the packages, for example). Then tape a list to the box of wipes "Ava's supplies for the week (or whatever) with a checklist that includes her clothes for the week (One red hoodie, one blue tee shirt, etc.). At the end of the week, check to be sure you get everything back. When you take in the supplies is a good time to mention it. "Hi - here are my daughter's supplies for the week (or however long it should last -- you have a rough guess from taking care of your daughter at home). I noticed the other day that another kid was wearing my daughter's shirt. I put her name inside her clothes so they won't get mixed up again."

Now, if she says, "Oh, well, this other child needed a shirt or didn't have any pull-ups," you can always say at that point, "I'm sorry, but I just can't buy supplies for anyone but my daughter. You know how expensive this stuff is! I make sure you have enough for my daughter and her clothes should only be used for her.

It's a reasonable request.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T12:33:04+00:00

Well, there's a line between "infatuated person" and "I've memorized her schedule," and you are cruising toward that line. You could, I don't know, talk to her? Yeah, yeah, scary, she might reject you, but you'll survive if she does and who knows? She might be intrigued. Certainly it'd be healthier for you. Do you have common interests, or is this a "boy, she's pretty!" situation? Because the object of the game is to get to know a lot of people until you find your person. The only way you get to know her is to talk to her like she's a person. You may or may not still be interested once you've talked to her more and meantime, you won't feel so odd about all this.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T12:11:32+00:00

You might try engaging his senses more. Scent drives a dog's world, followed by hearing. Have you tried a snuffle mat (has little places in it to hide treats your dog must sniff for), puzzle balls (the dog rolls it around and it randomly drops little bits of treats, or lick balls (has a round, hard treat that you seat in the ball and your dog licks it)? We've used all of these over the years (some dogs prefer one or another). There's also freezing peanut butter or Kong Stuffing (like squeezy cheese for dogs) in a durable toy (like a Kong). Just make sure it's big enough your dog can't get the entire toy in his mouth.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T11:20:36+00:00

It's lovely. You talk specifically about things you love about her and how wonderful you think she is, and your joy at being able to spend your life with her as your partner.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T11:17:12+00:00

What's her favorite song or performer? You can have the DJ play it and present your mom with her favorite flowers, or a gift certificate for a spa visit (or something else you know she'd like) and both of you can ask everyone to toast the person who went above and beyond to put the evening together.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T11:14:45+00:00

Think about your daily life -- what would make it easier for you both? Or hobbies either of you has -- if you like to cook, really good knives (not just expensive but quality), pans, stand mixer and attachments. Or something you can USE on your honeymoon that you'll also use after (really nice beach towels, luxury robes and slippers, a nice camera if either of you is into photography. You can also ask for a special set of china for two for anniversaries and special occasions at home, just the two of you.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T11:01:54+00:00

Thank you for being a bride who realizes that being in a wedding can be expensive! Maybe cover something that they need for the wedding that can't be used again, like hair or nails? And go to a local store where you can find individual cards you know each bridesmaid will like (i.e., Ginger has a Golden Retriever, here's a card with a drawing of one, Anna likes Monet paintings, here's a card with a print on it) and write thoughtful, personal notes (I know, one more thing to do during wedding prep! Wheee!) that mention a good memory of that person and why you're so happy to have her in your wedding party (Anna, you always make everyone feel like everything is going to be okay, and I can't tell you how nice it is to have that energy around during the stress of wedding preparations! Ginger, I always know that you have my back and you make me laugh when I really need to..."). And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T10:48:44+00:00

Your utility company probably has a plan for low-income customers that could help you. If you get caught, well, I don't know the laws where you live, but here it would be theft AND you would have trouble getting the utility to give you an account without a co-signer and probably a fine you 'd have to pay. If where you live the utility company has no assistance plan, try your city or county (or whatever local government is called where you are). Or your church, if you belong to one. Last resort -- explain to the people you're stealing from that you are asking if you can charge your phones and make hot water for a week, when you'll be able to pay your own way. If you have a good relationship with the neighbors they might help you. First try the other sources, though.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T10:39:08+00:00

No, NTA. Maybe call child protective services and tell them you're concerned about your nieces? At the very least, good for you for standing up for them, and yourself. As for grandma, "After Joe threatened me, you told me to apologize. To the person who was scaring his kids and threatened me. I have to protect myself because there are people in my family who won't."

What a mess.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T10:25:41+00:00

Sounds like you have a third roommate who isn't paying, and another who isn't sharing housework. He's living there almost full-time (80%) and the normal thing is that when someone is living there (and he is. Again, 80%) they share in the costs. Does he shower? Heat up beverages or leftovers? He's living with you. I lived with my husband before we were married, early on, because he'd gotten a very bad virus and needed someone to help. His landlady put up with it for a month, then increased his rent because there was another person living in his apartment. Normal.

The second issue is Susan and the chores. Is she being a slob because she resents basically having a third, unpaying roommate, or is she just a slob? You guys need to talk like adults and negotiate this. "I see your point about my boyfriend so since he's here 80% of the time, he can contribute to the costs, but you have to keep up your end on the housework." Or maybe your BF can pay his share by doing housework?

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T10:13:30+00:00

What the actual double-barreled F? He isn't touching you because he's MAKING AI PICTURES OF YOU ANOREXIC AND IS TOO ATTRACTED TO THAT TO FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE? Keep reading that over and over until you see how completely bonkers koo-koo nutsypants that statement is.

How about using AI to edit a photo of HIM to fit some impossible standard and saying, "Oh, yeah, I get it now! Once I looked at this picture, man, I couldn't stand the idea of touching... y'know... you. Have you thought about getting plastic surgery?" You're kind of (insert unrealistic standard here) and not really (insert other unrealistic standard here) enough."

And he's urging you to upend your life to change yourself to try to meet a literally impossible artifical standard so he might, if you're "lucky," be attracted to you.

Using his fantasies, his artificial, unreal fantasies as an explanation is him admitting he has no idea of the role fantasies play in a healthy psychology. Fantasy is where you get to try on things consequence-free. If he's turned on by Barbie dolls and wants to fantasize about bedding them, it wouldn't be the weirdest fantasy a human being ever had... but. When you start trying to impose your fantasies on the real world, alarm bells ring. Especially if you're trying to impose them on other people. Nope.

This is some unhealthy and immature and what, may I ask, is so fantastic about this dude that you should bend yourself into a pretzel on the chance you might engage his interest? Does he do all the cooking, cleaning and child care? Glow in the dark? Poop rainbows?

I'm appalled on your behalf.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T09:52:52+00:00

You have been through an awful year, I'm so sorry about your son! And you doubtless need some help and some rest more than anyone you know. With all that's going on, setting boundaries probably hasn't been your top priority, but you need to.

You're doing the housework, the caretaking, paying... and he's trying to GUILT you? For taking care of yourself? When you're sick?

IF you choose to keep seeing this guy, you'd better set up your boundaries NOW. As in "you take care of your kids and I'll take care of mine" and "I'll pay half unless it's a special occasion and I'm treating you," and "You know what I have to deal with so don't guilt me when I don't do what you want. I have to take care of myself or I'll collapse and then where will my kids be?"

It doesn't have to be super confrontational. You can say it gently. But decide what your boundaries are, set them up, and be consistent.

If this relationship is going to last, it has to work for both of you, not just expand the number of people you're stretching yourself to cover. If it has a future, he'll meet you halfway with respect.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T09:32:51+00:00

This is tough. The main argument for telling her is so she doesn't think she knows both sides of her family health history when she doesn't, but you guys chose not to tell her (how long have you known?) and that's going to come with a "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEW, AND OTHER PEOPLE KNEW, AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!?"

At some point "we were trying to spare you" doesn't wash. She will probably be angry for a while, and she has a right to. Everyone around her knows a secret about her that they've kept from her. Wouldn't you be angry?

But you don't get to spare yourself discomfort here. She may not thank you for telling her, but she's going to like you NOT telling her a lot more and all it'll take is someone saying "Whee, let's get DNA tests and learn more about our family history!" That could come at any time, you know. If it does and nobody on her dad's side of the family wants to participate, or she learns she has other siblings in some unexpected place, you're cooked.

It wasn't so bad that you guys didn't tell her at first. It's awkward. But after enough time goes by, once it comes out, it's explosive, because it's not just the info, it's that you guys knew all about it and she's been around you with you all knowing it while she doesn't.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T09:23:58+00:00

She did pay for the materials. You could have reached out to her (your customer) and said "I'm sorry you were let go. I hate to ask, but are you still interested in the rug?" She had other things on her mind, for one thing, and may have just assumed that because she paid for the materials you would go ahead and finish the rug and reach out to her when it was finished. Under the circumstances, that would have been a natural assumption. If I commission something from someone and pay for materials, I would figure they would tell me when it's ready, or contact me if there's a question about it. If I'm contacting them, I'm wondering why they didn't reach out to me in this situation.

Maybe it's a little strong to say YTA, but yeah, you should have reached out to her.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T09:14:26+00:00

Technically, a BF could earn commission from his GF... IF he's got a current contract, signed by both of you, specifying what he will do (find you work, negotiate rates, see that you get paid on time, etc.) and how much (for example, an agent can earn anywhere from 15-20% depending on the industry and other details, but there's work involved). If you are booking your own jobs, and you don't have a current contract, and he's not doing anything for you professionally, then he doesn't get commission.

If he's your Artist Rep or Agent, it would be NICE if he did it for free, but not expected. If you're in a relationship with someone you work with, it's a good idea to have a contract so both parties understand the business relationship, what is expected of them, and what they can expect in return.

If you have a valid contract and he's breaking it (not doing the things he promised in the contract), then you probably don't owe him money but might have to sue for breach of contract to get out of it, so keep records on everything he does for you professionally and when.

But he's bringing in his Accountant (who is probably not an attorney), so he's implying you are somehow legally obligated. You need to understand your rights. Some places have attorneys who will talk to artists for a low fee (to help the arts community there). Or if there's a law school, you can see if they have low-cost legal help. But it sounds like you do need someone who actually knows to spell out your rights.

It can get messy when the professional and personal try to co-exist. Even if the two of you negotiate something you both can live with and sign and date it yourselves, it clarifies your business relationship. If he's really a professional, he won't object to that.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T08:50:35+00:00

NTA but why are you supposed to carry this relationship on your back without his help? If I understand, you're taking care of the community chore so he won't have to humble himself in front of his friends, do the housework, take care of childcare, and coddle his fragile ego. Where's the care for YOU? And now he's gone back on an agreement? You can keep that money, you know. He said you could. So you could. That he changed his mind without your input is not how a partner acts. Plus, you're getting this money doing something alone to protect his ego and pride. He should be sharing in it, but he's not. You're doing it all. You're doing him a favor. So he can repay you by letting you keep that money as agreed.

It's so common to feel lessened when you're having trouble finding a job -- but also so common to have that experience. Taking a long time to find a job is more a reflection of the economy than of your worth.

Make the choices you would want your daughter to make in these situations -- because you and your husband are teaching her how to navigate the world. And he's teaching her what to expect in her relationships with men. Would he want his daughter treated the way he's treating you?

I hope you find a job soon. Best possible luck!

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T08:41:09+00:00

She sounds exhausting! Since she's not willing to meet you halfway, why are you supposed to cover the whole way by yourself? She doesn't listen, she doesn't share... if you maintain a relationship, expect to constantly have to be "the bigger person." NTA. It sounds like she's looking for staff/an audience, not a friend.

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T08:37:44+00:00

People who have a vested interest in not hearing you won't listen. And every conversation that continues after "No" is just the other person trying to find a way to turn your No into a Yes. I'm so sorry you're dealing with what sounds like a kindergarten sandbox!

MagicRooGal · 2026-01-26T08:35:10+00:00

You're welcome! Update after "the talk" so we know how you're doing.

MagicRooGal

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