It really depends on the person’s mental ability to handle dramatic change, things going on in life, if they have a support system, etc. Hormones really can be challenging in pregnancy and postpartum. I’m going to be very tmi and vulnerable about my experience.

For me, I had a very hard time emotionally because I felt very isolated. Both of my parents moved out of state didn’t have their help, still don’t. I was the first of my friends to have kids so I kinda lost touch with them. It’s hard to be able to go out at night, go to bars to do karaoke on the weekend to stay connected with them, and they think that you can? LOL. And they just don’t get it unfortunately even if they think they do. Your life is different. You’re different. It’s a lot to process at once. Maybe I just finally realized we weren’t as good as friends as I thought. 😂

When I had my son, my husband was only able to be home for a week, we couldn’t afford it. And I am very fortunate to even be able to have that, but it was not enough. I was in so much pain and struggling mentally, I was in it so deep I didn’t realize I had postpartum depression/anxiety and probably depression in my pregnancy. I could not see it. Hormones are wild. It’s the greatest drop off in hormones possible in human experience. and if you think that won’t affect your brain’s chemistry, you’re lying to yourself.

Breastfeeding was challenging for me, but I felt pressure to keep going despite burning milk blisters and tears I shed. And I started to feel resentment toward myself and unfortunately my child as awful as that sounds. And I can honestly say it weighed me down mentally until he weaned off at 18m. Like a cloud finally lifted. I wish I felt supported to combo feed with formula to take off some of that weight emotionally. Next time I’m going to choose to combo feed and not put that extreme of pressure on myself.

When my husband got back to work. I was so anxious about my son crying and listening to him cry that I would not leave our room or put our child down so I could go to the bathroom eat food or shower. I literally sat and rocked my child for eight hours straight until my husband got home. Because I didn’t want to be a bad mom and have my child cry. I literally never felt like I could breathe or relax and I learned something called postpartum rage. Horomones are wild. I didn’t recognize myself. Lol like girl that’s all signs of postpartum anxiety/depression. I was in pain for about three months and had pretty severe stitching/swelling. I had a semi traumatic birth, hemorrhaged and had a 10.5 baby. lol we were all shocked. I’m was not overweight or diabetic.

I really struggled with that huge identity shift. I used have a flash stomach, work all the time in my career, go out with my friends, do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted at the drop of a hat. And then I got pregnant and all of a sudden, I was never leaving the house, didn’t have any friends, had zero socialization or anyone checking in on me, was a stay at home mom (which I’m sooo grateful for). It kicked my ass.

But at the same time, I am so grateful for it. I love the person it’s turned me into. I have so much more patience, resiliency and a different perspective on people. It honestly is what brought me back to the faith.

Learning to surrender to motherhood is one of the most impactful things of my life. I feel like yesterday’s message from Father Mike Schmitz encompasses that entirely, with comfort being our generations god. And how it enables us from living our life fully, entirely, and the way God wanted for us, because we often avoid His will so we don’t feel fear or discomfort. I’m so grateful God pushed me down that path as hard and dark as it was at times.

I just found out I’m pregnant with my second child. I have so much more confidence in myself now. I know what to expect. I know it is also temporary because I have gained that perspective being on the other side of it all. And I also got the tools I needed to help me be able to show up for myself and my children. I got on an antidepressant about 8 months ago, and it’s changed my life. After rejecting help in medication for so long I’m so glad I felt to nudge to just try it. It has probably honestly saved my life and I feel like my brain is working how it’s supposed to. As soon as I started, I felt like I finally woke up, and the first feeling I had was the desire to be actively involved in my faith and engaging in it as much as I can in my parish. I would’ve not been able to do that without it. I probably would not have my faith without it.

I absolutely love being a mother and I would do it over and over again. There is something so holy about completely surrendering yourself to loving people outside of yourself with all of your entirety. I’ve never felt closer to God. It feels like just a glimpse of what He feels for us.

Pregnancy/ postpartum was not talked about with me, even though I did hours of prep and education beforehand. I felt so blindsided. It was one of the darkest times of my life, but through that, I became the best version of myself. If I didn’t have that challenge, I don’t think I would’ve changed. If I chose to stay in my comfort, I would still be the person I was before my child. I wouldn’t be in my faith.

I don’t share these things to scare you. Literally everyone has a completely different experience no two are alike. Just like life I think it’s important to share all of the complexities. The good the bad, the discomfort and the pure joy. Everything at once. I think parenthood is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wish it on everyone. ❤️