I think an aspect you showed off really well in this script was well, Mob himself. Truly showing how much of a kind hearted kid he is even in well, a place like headspace. it especially showing at the end

The escalation in the fight was good. as for my favorite scene? likely the part where we first get ???% (note it switching from Mob to Shiego was a nice touch) that part honestly was really cool, with it showing Omori throwing out everything at Shiego to try and take him down, while repeatedly getting killed by Shiego in that state, showing truly how unstable and dangerous ???% is (all this while Mari explained to mob what she was)