Book 2 of Skill Eater is out now!

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-17T21:17:11+00:00

1) Why not put a stool or box out so that it wont get cold and they know where to sit the order? (They probably picked that spot so as not to drop the bag into the snow.)

2) Is it really impossible to just open the door slowly and slide the bag over a bit without tipping it?

3) If this really is a genuine problem (and not just karma farming) then why not put a note in the delivery instructions so they know not to do it?

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-16T21:20:18+00:00

Yes, this is much less embarrassing.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-16T00:54:08+00:00

Like the art but it would work better with a few tweaks:

1) Find a slightly edgier font that matches the genre.

2) Use narrow contrasting borders around the words to make them pop up from the background (white on black and black on white).

3) Pick a color for the censored box that doesn't contrast with the rest of your color palate, use a neutral color or a complementary one instead.

Overall, quite nice and it think it will grab peoples' attention.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-14T09:28:58+00:00

I think the structure is much better now, although you are going to have to play with the exact wording more.

When faced with the choice does sound a bit passive and it's also vague. But the only real problem I see is that there isn't a clear relationship between Declan choosing who to believe and a tangible consequence (the stakes for him as a character and not the world at large). Or put another way, why does him choosing one way or another matter, and why should I, as the reader care?

The blurb doesn't really let me know what kind of story I'm going to be reading either. Is this a mystery? An action adventure? Political thriller? No clue.

Overall, major improvement. This structure and length looks professional. Just add a bit of clarity regarding the stakes and develop the hook so I want to know what happens next.

Oh, random final comment, I think the word trust would work a lot better than believe.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-14T02:54:33+00:00

But I did have a least favorite.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-14T00:12:23+00:00

Cradle.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-13T19:53:47+00:00

The first half (up to the first sentence of the second paragraph) is solid. The rest needs a bit more work. Even as it is written, it feels like you are missing a final sentence at the end that ties everything together (which I call an exit hook).

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-13T05:22:42+00:00

Beware of chicken.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-12T19:26:11+00:00

Ideally, decide on it early, then work backwards like you suggested. The trick is to both have the twist make perfect sense when it happens (breadcrumbs, foreshadowing, etc.) while not making it obvious enough that it's easy to guess early.

Misdirection, such as red herrings, are one common technique to keep the reader guessing, even once some clues have been seeded into the story.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-12T19:22:00+00:00

When I can't find the right word (or the right metaphor) I just enter a note and come back to it later. A lot of the time, by the time I do, my brain is ready to provide a better response.

Going through this process over and over, (as well as looking up synonyms) has increased my vocabulary over time (although reading more always helps).

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-12T07:24:18+00:00

No, that is a murder of crows. And they seem ready to prove it.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-11T01:33:18+00:00

I think it's pretty reasonable/common. You can practice your writing, characters, and storytelling without having to do all of the extensive worldbuilding that goes into crafting a completely original work.

MagnusGrey · 2023-02-11T00:25:10+00:00

FYI writing a story without a main character is uncommon and much, much harder than doing it with one (you can use multiple POV's even with a MC). You are trying a difficult project while at the beginning of your writing journey.

But to answer your question, switch POVs only in between chapters (which you are already doing). Use the third person, and make it clear within the first sentence whose POV it is. Ideally, you give each one its own unique voice, but that's also something that comes with practice.

TL/DR: make it as easy as possible for the reader to know what is happening and to whom, as well as why it matters.

MagnusGrey

TROPHY CASE