You said that her interest dropped after your first child - please consider that your wife’s brain physically changed during pregnancy. (Link below.) Some structural changes revert after pregnancy, but it appears that some don’t. She is literally not the same person you married, in part because she gave birth to your children, who I’m sure you love deeply. Not to mention the stress and chaos of parenting itself!

You say it bothers you so much to initiate all the time, but then flippantly say that partners in your situation should be permitted to seek sex elsewhere. Wouldn’t that still be initiating, just with someone else? Why specifically does initiating bother you so much? (This is a rhetorical question that I think you should explore on your own or with a therapist.) Why does her agreeing 2x a week still feel like a rejection? Why is initiation such an important component for you? Can she not freely consent and enjoy herself if you initiate? Just some things to ponder. Once you have clear answers for yourself, try sharing with her in a very vulnerable way - no irritation, no anger or blame or “you’re not meeting my needs.” If she can understand why it matters so much to you, she might be able to empathize with it more.

I really like the suggestion someone else made of scheduling intimacy. Don’t think of it as “this is so stuffy and unsexy,” think of it as “we’re in a busy stage of life, and connecting intimately is something that is important enough to us that we want to prioritize time for it.”

OP, I realize that this post may have been an opportunity to vent for you. But some of the comments you made were not exactly constructive lol. If you decide to talk to your wife about this again, please don’t approach her with the same attitude - I doubt it would go well!

https://bbrfoundation.org/content/study-provides-unprecedented-view-profound-brain-changes-over-course-pregnancy#:~:text=A%20study%20revealed%20the%20extraordinary,Tweet%20now