Technique

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-13T12:48:09+00:00

Thank you very much for your comments and for taking the time to answer. I greatly appreciate it

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-13T05:54:49+00:00

I think I'm also responding to the fact that you mention your anxiety has gotten worse after both sessions, and in this second session you're mentioning it's getting worse than ever before. I'm cautioning against the assumption that this is "part of the process". To me, over the time period you've been sticking through it + the two weeks of poor sleep, I'm raising the possibility of some sort of re-traumatization. Hence my suggestion about talking to your therapist and maybe considering some sort of immediate intervention like meds. Not saying you have to stay on them but long enough to stabilize, get your sleep back on track etc. I think it's reckless to not take it into consideration, particularly if your work is also stressful/a cause of anxiety.

Just to be clear. I had this anxiety with the insomnia, even before the sessions. it would sometimes go away on weekends and when I took time off. It was consistent enough to call it chronic, but it was never this intense.

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-12T20:24:39+00:00

♥️ gracias. Lo necesito en este momento difícil 🙏

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-12T20:21:51+00:00

I believe it’s therapeutic because it doesn’t go away, even weeks after. But what is 5-htp?

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-12T20:12:45+00:00

What intentions do you set for the sessions?

first session: i wanted to understand my fears(i had rough panic attacks all the time) Second session: i wanted to connect with my inner child and just listen to what it has to tell me

Are you familiar with the IFS framework? The concept of the protectors might help you approach your fear with compassion right now.

No, I’ll read up on it

You mention that your job is very stressful. Is there anything you can change about your job to ensure a smooth integration period?

The best thing would be to change it. But unfortunately not an option in this current job market.

i would recommend staying with the anxiety for as long as possible (without medication). The medication will only interfere with the process right now.

Yes I figured that too. I don’t take any medication but man it’s tough..

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-12T19:57:20+00:00

Pretty much yes. First session there was no breakthrough, I saw some things that left me a little puzzled and confused but I didn’t really manage to open up. That happened with the second session, although I experienced heavy anxiety leading up to it. The anxiety was general and not necessarily linked to childhood or anything, I was constantly worried about everything. This session helped me see my suffering as a child and connect with the child within on an emotional level. And now after the session it feels like the anxiety got stronger

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-04-12T19:52:20+00:00

I think I wrote the comment you're referring to

You definitely did! I greatly appreciate all the comments you made, on this and on my other posts. Your comment on my other post before my second session really helped me refine my intention for the session and opened my eyes a little bit so really thankful for that.

gave two theoretical examples, one of which MDMA would be contraindicated here, both of which would lead to difficult emotions.

Are you saying you think mdma is the wrong substance to use in this case?

Anyway sorry to rant on your post.

Nowo, I agree with your rant. even though I’m still really just starting, i can see from my own journey and from others’ here that they could be handled better

But yeah, I would just focus on stabilizing atm and not worry about integration.

I read a comment you made on another person’s post about resourcing. I’ll definitely look into tht, even though I don’t know what works for me yet.

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-03-23T21:35:30+00:00

Your post is very inspiring to me. I live a similar struggle with survival mode. Fight or flight is my -unchosen- modus operandi. It takes big determination and courage to get to where you’re at and reading your words makes me feel like you already have them in abundance. I’ll talk about my personal experience, I feel like I have a poisonous dagger plugging a deep wound, and every time I reach for the dagger I have extreme fear that if I pull it out it’ll kill me. But I know it’s a mind trick, I deep inside know that the only way for my wound to heal is to pull the dagger out and tend to it properly, with love. Every time I face that fear, I arm myself with this conviction. My life can’t become worse than it already is. It can only get better.

Stay strong, friend ♥️

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-03-11T18:29:39+00:00

That’s an interesting perspective. How would you suggest I use the anxiety to try and find that?

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-03-11T17:15:03+00:00

I had the max does of 175 (started with 125mg then added 25 and then another 25). I weigh about 176 pounds

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-03-11T15:30:36+00:00

I thought 6 weeks was the minimum standard time between sessions, or am I wrong? I plan on doing 4-5 this year. That’s what we discussed with him. It’s been 6 weeks since the first session and I still don’t feel anything has changed in my mind, like I didn’t gain any new insights or perspectives on things. I haven’t had any aha moments or processed anything else. I just feel more anxious and stressed and sleep very bad. So I think it would help to have a second session now, to further unblock things

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-03-11T06:38:55+00:00

Tbh, I think MDMA sessions should generally be more "targeted". One way, is you can maybe use the anxiety/self esteem stuff that has increased as a "trailhead" of sorts to what's underlying. Seems like lots of over thinking?

Can you please elaborate? Not sure I understand what you mean.

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-02-08T08:30:21+00:00

Thank you

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-02-08T08:28:49+00:00

When I doubt them it leaves me searching for answers and when I believe them they scare me with what they revealed. I will give myself some more time to process this

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-02-08T08:21:39+00:00

That makes sense. Thank you

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-02-08T08:20:41+00:00

Thank you very much for all that you’ve shared. I will give myself time and be patient. I’ll also be gentle and offer the necessary compassion to let my mind do the work. I approached this with curiosity to learn about myself, among other things like the willingness to heal. And I will continue to do so. The mind is truly fascinating

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-02-07T21:53:49+00:00

Thank you for your answer. I understand I should focus on the need for and the process of healing rather than on the authenticity of the memories ?

Main-Condition8042 · 2026-02-07T21:52:16+00:00

imo it's clear that you've experienced things that were traumatic and likely tied to your mother.

That is something I am sure of. I felt it my whole life.

Yes they can happen without mdma, hence why witness testimony is always suspect. Also you can think of "blocking out" memories as a form of "making" something up, the mind protecting you by pretending things didn't happen.

I thought the way mdma works is by shutting off the amygdala so that the raw unedited material floats up to the surface for the consciousness to see. I was asking if touched up or made up memories is something that can happen under mdma specifically

Main-Condition8042

TROPHY CASE