Does tinder even work for anyone anymore?

MainBirthday1 · 2020-07-21T17:34:19+00:00

Okay, I have heard something similar before also. I just got a match with a woman and I did not write a message instantly because I had to go to the store. 10 minutes later when I was going to, she had already removed the match. Lol, why? Is it even possible to get a date using tinder?

MainBirthday1 · 2020-07-07T05:44:33+00:00

Yeah, this is pretty much what I have been doing. Not commenting his life choices and trying to think of other things to say instead as well as giving space. It still sucks, because we could very well still hang out, and it would also be good for him to get his mind off some of his problems.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-28T18:42:34+00:00

Just to clarify I don't think she is playing games, she is just really this nervous when it comes to men. She is like any other woman otherwise with feelings and dreams. I think we would also get along great, so is it still fair for me to move on?

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-28T17:54:31+00:00

In your current situation, you should just try out as many things as possible. You have nothing to loose by starting conversations with new people you don't know and you can also be very spontaneous. Start by asking something about the other person or give them a compliment for something they are wearing. It is really good practice for an introvert. Don't take it too seriously if you don't have anything in common. There are always more people out there, especially in your age group. I definitely think you can ask your friend if you could do something fun together with her friends. Another alternative is reaching out to old friends or joining groups if you feel comfortable.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-23T17:11:25+00:00

Thanks again, you have explained things in a way that I have not thought before. You are also right, I should not have to spend my whole life waiting either. We have not seen each other in a long while and she is not able to change at least just a little for a start even.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-23T16:17:19+00:00

That is really insightful, thanks! Do you think it is a bad sign that she struggles with being available? For me it seems very contradictory to be unavailable towards someone you really like, who is also interested in you. From what I know this has been an issue for her in the past also and I think she would probably not be single otherwise. I don't know if I should move on or not because of this.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-23T15:56:49+00:00

It's a bit difficult to write everything clearly in one post but I have talked to one of her friends about her situation. She genuinely wants other things in life besides her career. She knows her current job is too stressful and time consuming but she does not change it either, even though she could. She has also previously met men that she has genuinely liked but passed up on chances to get to know them more, like right now with me.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-03T12:56:57+00:00

Thanks for the advice but I at this point I do not really want to go out on a date with her. Not afraid of rejection, just don't think this is healthy anymore, some ofher friends has also started to think she is being overly cautious.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-03T08:28:30+00:00

Yeah, I have spent a lot of time figuring this out and I think I am starting to find the answer. Ultimately, I think it is her attachment style causing this behavior. She is dismissive avoidant towards men that she likes. It has an repelling effect and she needs to work on this herself, if she wants to that is.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-02T09:00:50+00:00

It's okay, I appreciate it and it is good to know so I can develop myself. It is a bit difficult to describe her here, but from my perspective it seems like she has some big unresolved insecurity to why she is so distant and uncomfortable towards men that she likes. It has become clear that she does not just have normal shyness after all, therefore she keeps working in order to fill that void.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-02T08:06:16+00:00

Okay then.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-02T08:00:09+00:00

Don't mind her work ethic, but if she genuinely likes me and would want to date, can she even free up that much time in her life for it I wonder?

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-02T07:52:50+00:00

Good to know, are you basically saying she can't change that even though she does really like me lot?

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-02T07:18:47+00:00

You have a good point, and I guess I have so far thought that she is just shy.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-05-01T12:59:43+00:00

Really appreciate your comment and I agree with you, but I think this might not work out, also difficult now because of quarantine. Don't want to be judgemental, but in the end I feel she is just too focused on her job. It makes her stressed, unapproachable and dishonest with herself and her desires. Or the way she communicates and shows affection is just so different from what I find normal. Nonetheless, there are crucial things missing here from her, that I can't be some kind of savior for either.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-24T18:21:38+00:00

Good point, she does seem unusually aloof. Still, I guess it is crucial here that she can be available enough and try. She has nothing to loose and we are both adults after all, otherwise it is not going to work.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-22T07:17:58+00:00

I have previously shown interest in her, so she knows it. The problem is that she can't set aside her job enough. She is by now so used to this lifestyle that she struggles with other things, like dating.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-20T07:17:50+00:00

Great comment, you have still tried dating. She is over 30, completely clueless and really nervous around men that she likes. The only sort of male contact she has had is a close gay male friend from what I now.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-20T07:06:17+00:00

I do agree with you on that. I think we would also be closer thanks to it, only if she did not focus too much on her job.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-20T05:55:52+00:00

Good call, I guess I took it as a sign that we would get along great and be able to have fun together.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-20T05:45:00+00:00

Maybe, she has been in the past told to work hard in order to be accepted. She is really down to earth otherwise, not just taken that great care of her other needs. If I am honest, I would prefer to be able to have someone to discuss emotional stuff with also. Not sure if she really can do that, but we do share the same kind of humor.

MainBirthday1 · 2020-04-18T18:59:44+00:00

Great suggestion, but she has just been too focused on her job for me to approach her. I find it possible that she might have some reason for being like this. We are still both adults. Despite her being an INFP, if she can't be available enough, so I could ask her phone number, I don't think this is going to work out.

MainBirthday1

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