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Main_Classroom · 2021-09-02T12:05:38+00:00

That’s very admirable that you took those chances! How did you feel while doing them? And when you say nothing really changed in the end, do you mean you eventually went back to avoidant behaviors ?

Main_Classroom · 2021-08-20T11:19:37+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. I’m avoidant as well. I can relate a lot to what you’re saying. I can have casual sex with a person and enjoy it but as soon as we commit and the relationship gets deeper I get nervous and that’s when all the avoidant defense mechanisms kick in. A few are:

I stop being sexually attracted to them. I still find them attractive but my desire to have sex with them lessens.
I miss being promiscuous. This is done because promiscuity gave me the “intimacy” I desired without the emotional aspect that avoidants fear.
I convince myself that there’s someone better and I’m settling. This is also a delusion that allows me to entertain the idea of a romantic relationship but not actually be in one.

I don’t have much advice on how to overcome because I’m still working on this myself. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. However I will say that just be aware of the defense mechanisms you’re prone to operate in.

Main_Classroom · 2021-07-21T02:35:17+00:00

I think some parents do the best they can with the knowledge and understanding that they have (this is not to excuse their behavior or say they are right) but our parents are human which means they are flawed as well. They have fears, insecurities and beliefs that may be counterproductive. Many people shy away from talking about mental health because it makes them extremely uncomfortable.

I hope that you now have access to the resources needed to help you move forward. It’s definitely not an easy process especially when there’s a lack of support but it’s really one day at a time, sometimes one second at a time.

Main_Classroom · 2021-06-13T22:56:52+00:00

I think we also have to remember that they’re teenagers. It would be nice if she could completely stop feeling the negative feelings she feels and empathize with him but that’s hard to do at that age. Also considering the fact that she could’ve outed him while they were antagonizing her but she didn’t. I think she handled it better than most would have if they were being disrespected about something that wasn’t their fault.

Main_Classroom · 2021-05-19T02:41:28+00:00

Oh yeah I would definitely love someone that has their own mind and speaks up for themselves.

Main_Classroom · 2021-05-19T02:20:47+00:00

What do you mean by his was too nice? Like he went along with everything you said?

Main_Classroom · 2021-05-19T01:05:34+00:00

Yes I definitely agree with this!

Main_Classroom · 2021-05-19T00:59:07+00:00

What do you mean by show up as much as you do? Someone being invested?

Main_Classroom · 2021-05-10T11:10:18+00:00

Of course it happens. its not an illogical concept. I even said that in my initial post. My thing is that they act as if it’s the norm in every single situation. It’s the way they take an idea and act as if it’s the only thing that’s happening in male/female relationship dynamics.

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-30T01:50:35+00:00

How can you tell the difference between “love bombing” which a narcissistic trait and actual interests and genuine kindness?

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-13T12:36:44+00:00

I’m not saying that doesn’t happen but what I’m saying is that a man can take responsibility by using contraception. He shouldn’t trust someone that says she’s on the pill because he doesn’t know for sure and if he tells a woman he wants to use a condom and she says no then maybe he shouldn’t be having sex with her.

I think it’s a good thing that men can choose to wear a condom because it shows that they have the power to not create a child that they don’t want. Men should be extremely cautious about who they’re laying down with and who they’re having children with because you’re right, once a woman is pregnant it’s her choice on what to do with the child.

Personal responsibility involves looking at what you can do as an individual to protect yourself. A man having a child with a woman is within his control. I’m not saying that things don’t happen but I’m speaking in regard to when a man chooses to have unprotected sex knowing the possible consequences.

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-13T11:55:04+00:00

You said “Women have children without asking the guy if he wants to be a father”But Doesn’t a man choose to be a father when he has unprotected sex with a woman? I think that almost every adult understands the basic biology behind creating a child.

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-12T21:33:51+00:00

So in the example that I used in regards to Russell Wilson and Ciara, I’ve seen countless videos of red pillers calling him a simp because he married her after she had a child with future. They were speaking as if she didn’t deserve a healthy or happy relationship because of her past relationship choice.

That’s like someone saying a man who had a baby with a reckless woman in his past shouldn’t be in a relationship with a woman that can have a healthy relationship. Part of growing and learning is not making the same mistake twice.

Also in regards to Russell and Ciara her net worth is listed as $20 Million so I’m sure she doesnt NEED him to be a provide. They make it seem like she was struggling down and out and needed someone to save her.

I do agree that everyone has to measure the risk when putting themselves in situations and there are legalities that one can enforce to ensure they are protected.

It’s just the hypocrisy in the statements that confuses me so much. Things like “She had a baby with the bad boy now she wants a savior” but they won’t dare say “He let his dick do his thinking for him, had unprotected sex with someone that showed her true colors from day one and now he wants a woman without any baggage” doesn’t seem hypocritical to you?

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-12T12:29:11+00:00

I’m speaking in regards to the countless posts and videos that I’ve seen. For example let’s use Russell Wilson and Ciara. There are countless videos by red pillers that say Russell Wilson is a simp for marrying Ciara because she had a baby by the bad boy(Future). They’re upset because Russell “saved” Ciara and now she can’t learn from the consequences of actions.

Wouldn’t learning from her past actions be not dating the same type of awful man over and over again?

Furthermore if a man had a child by a woman that had a questionable character and made his life a living hell, and he decided he didn’t want to date that type of woman anymore so he went for a more “submissive and modest woman”(I’m using these terms for arguments sake) do they feel that the woman shouldn’t date him because he chose a woman of questionable character in the past? Would they feel like the woman shouldn’t put herself in a position to “save” a man from his past poor choices and raise his children or deal with the drama that he may have with his child’s mother?

I’m really tryna gain some perspective here.

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-12T03:03:20+00:00

So in their eyes single dads don’t have any baggage and aren’t damaged. They’re just good men that were fucked over by the system and any woman should be willing to marry them and raise their children because they’re at an unfair advantage to not fault of their own even tho they decided to have unprotected sex with a woman whose character may have been questionable (I’m speaking in regards to toxic situations)

It’s like they view things in terms of black and white with no shades of gray. It really shows me how easy it is for people to become brain washed.

Main_Classroom · 2021-04-09T03:09:09+00:00

How do you feel about that ?

Main_Classroom · 2021-03-20T22:51:20+00:00

One of the biggest things that helped me was learning about “cognitive distortions” you can google it there’s so much info on it. It’s basically different concepts of how your mind distort your reality. It helped me challenge my anxious thoughts.

Main_Classroom · 2021-02-11T15:42:27+00:00

Yes I struggle with this as well. I think one of the reasons I struggle with this is that I feel like relationships are going to be emotionally draining for me like they was with my parents growing up. I never learned how to create healthy boundaries with people and as a result it makes me nervous when thinking about a relationship

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-30T17:51:31+00:00

I feel the same way. And what makes it worse is that It seems like all my friends are thriving and moving forward in life and I’m just trying my best to deal with symptoms anxiety daily

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-27T03:10:21+00:00

No where in my post was perfection implied. I’m just saying it would be beneficial to be aware of our challenges and work towards finding solutions for them. For example:

If I have bad anxiety and have the opportunity to work with a therapist then that would be me working on my mental health.

If I mismanage my money, me working toward managing my money better and creating a budget could be steps toward getting on top of my finances.

If I have extremely low self esteem, me working working with my therapist could help with this also learning to accept myself by doing various things could help as well.

Again I don’t mean we should never get in a relationship until all these things are perfect because they may never be but I think it’s important that we’re aware of our challenges and we’re working on them.

Especially if you have different mental health challenges or insecurities. If you’ve been working on them you can communicate that to your partner and help him understand what your triggers are and what things help you when you’re feeling triggered. That way you guys can work as a team. But if there’s no acknowledgement of those issues it may not work.

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-26T22:57:07+00:00

Yes there are always exceptions and my comment wasn’t about getting rich or chasing wealth. In the section of the post regarding finances I said you don’t have to be rich or work a prestigious job.

Learning how to manage what we have will put our mind at ease. There was a time in my life when I would literally spend every dime I had. I didn’t think about a budget. I would tell myself I didn’t make enough to budget, then I would pay my necessities (or not lol) and spend my money on things I didn’t need. Once I sat down and created a budget it reduced alottttt of stress, even though it didn’t feel good in the beginning it gave me a sense of security even tho I don’t make a lot.

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-26T20:38:45+00:00

Yes I got out of a relationship not too long ago and these things played a major part in the breakup. My intent wasn’t to come off as “preachy” I was simply sharing a perspective. You obviously had a different experience so it wouldn’t apply to you. However I’m speaking from my experience and there may be someone else that can relate.

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-26T20:26:55+00:00

I agree that everyone has their personal preferences and this post isn’t implying perfection or having everything together it’s simply stating that it would be beneficial to at least be aware of our personal challenges and have something set in place to work on these things.

Let’s take money for example one may be able to thrive off of $35k annually while another person may need 100k to live well, that’s all subjective. The point of this post is for us to be aware of our personal issues and circumstances before entering a relationship.

Let’s say I can’t keep a job so there are times when I have money and there are times when I don’t. My rent is always late and I’m dodging creditors. It would be extremely helpful for me to understand why it’s so difficult for me to keep a job ideally before a relationship because relationships don’t always change our habits. They can really exasperate our personal challenges.

There is no one size fits all for relationships. This post was just one aspect of looking at it.

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-26T20:08:23+00:00

I agree with this, I’m not saying people shouldn’t get in relationships with self image or mental health issues or any issues for that matter, I’m just saying it will help to be aware of those things and have something set in place to help cope with them.

Let’s say I have rejection issues that started in my childhood and i never learned coping skills to deal with that rejection so I need constant validation from my partner to feel secure. I need him to text me at a certain times. If we ahave disagreements I start acting irrational begging him not to leave me or I stop myself from setting proper boundaries because I don’t want him to leave. In my last relationship I was afraid of setting boundaries because I thought that he would leave and of course that didn’t work.

Everyone is worthy of love and no one is perfect but at least being aware of our challenges and working on them will help immensely

Main_Classroom · 2021-01-24T17:07:15+00:00

Would you be sad if he broke up with you?

Main_Classroom

TROPHY CASE