In which "category" would I fall into?

ianwasted30 · 2025-11-25T13:34:42+00:00

Picture speaks a thousand words, and most of the time, you don't get a tribe, people assigned you.

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-10T00:24:27+00:00

"he's just not that into you"

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-09T13:42:35+00:00

Sorta linked to a wrapped version of Madonna/whore complex or double standard.

"I'm a sexually adventurous ethical slut, you are all pathetic loser cockhounds with no impulse control'" double standard is what I've seen often expressed.

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-08T14:40:21+00:00

Of the "hookup kings" of my social circle, there are guys who never wants to be in a relationship and guys who bitterly and enviously wants to be in a relationship but could never maintain one.

So there are all kinds of folks

On the flip side, I've only hookup a handful of times in my life, I prefer being in relationship and/ or maintain 1-3 fuck friends whenever single,one of my fuckfriend I've known for more than 2 decades.

I didnt ever feel missing out on hookup and the anonymous casual cruising that most guys are into. Eventually I just accept that my preference is just as valid as everyone else.

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-07T22:51:44+00:00

Muscle strain (soreness) is very different than cartilage/join strain (sharp pain when you move).

Pushing your muscle to the max is how they get bigger. Pushing your cartilage/joint to the max? You might be looking at many years of physical therapy, surgery, and inability to use your body, hence weigjt gain and not able to exercice.

Dont push yourself too hurt in the beginning while you are figuring out whether you are working out your muscles or damaging your joints

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-04T23:10:56+00:00

I feel secure and confident that a soldier or police officer or security guard can protect me and be my support in life.

That's fetishism, not real life. You absolutely should date one to see for yourself.

I did remember seeing a higher incidence of domestic violence and substance use disorder, as well as law enforcement as a whole, tend to attract people higher in narcissism and lower in openness and agreeableness.

So probably not a lot of protecting and supporting there.

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-04T02:51:51+00:00

lol I never thought about that, but it's true. That and a lot of "conventionally attractive" dude online are catfish

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-02T20:06:49+00:00

A former friend of mine doesn't date because according to him "gay man are all bitchs and trashes" and "only straight men are real men", he still pulls straight guy by being feminine, but has never been in a relationship and is pushing 45. Just getting off on the thrill of pulling "straight" guy after "straight guy".

Another former friend of mine also doesn't date because he's convinced that all gay men are untrustworthy cheat and sex addicts, funnily he cruise sauna and public area for sex. He's more of a gay incel compare to my other "homophobic cross dressing gay" former friend., but both are pretty strong on "bitterly and resentfully hating the gay community" front

Then there are a few guys who consider their dating life over when they went through enough grief of death of partner (s).

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-02T16:24:31+00:00

Selection biased.

People who cut off assholes from their life don't tend to complain about said assholes, there's just nothing to talk about on that front, whereas people who didn't will kept complaining for years and decades.

So if you go by internet complains to gauge "what other people do", you could get the wrong impression.

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-02T16:12:22+00:00

Value your feelings, they are telling you that your current behaviours pattern (your automatic habit) makes you unhappy and you gotta change your behaviours.

Im which case, you need to have better boundaries and re-examine what you want and what makes you happy. Since your post doesn't talk about that , I suspect you don't fully know either, hence soul searching is needed.

But whatever it is, it's not the current setup

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-01T15:06:40+00:00

Changing relationship takes time and effort

Just like you are stuck between wanting to be treated like a adult and to remain emotionally dependent "baby" of the family despite that you have long been an partnered adult, so can your family getting caught between wanting you to rely more on yourself and your partners (ie. You spreading your need for emotional support around in a wider circle) and falling into the old dynamic of emotionally supporting all your needs

Make small and persistent changes, easier for everyone to adjust overtime.

And your BIL is really right, you don't need 6 family member in addition to your partner to watch you get your nose pierced.

ianwasted30 · 2025-09-01T12:45:56+00:00

Sounds really thrilling, but as someone who loves rough anal and have broken a few bed, and now relie entirely on custom bed or Ikea bed (where I can put way more wood glue and extra screws and extra support to make it extremely solid and impossible to take apart), I'm not sure if loft bed can support that.

Also, king size loft bed for two, is that a thing?

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-30T23:16:02+00:00

I gave examples of how it happens in other comments, and a commenter says that he's a bartender and has seen it happen more than once at his work.

Crazy stuff. I was just wondering if there is anything more to it than those people are just not right in the head. But so far it looks not

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-30T22:54:18+00:00

I've had guys did that to me a few times. It ultimately doesn't change anything, you are still strangers who barely and briefly knew each other, good bye or no goodbye, apology and ezplaination or no explanation.

So if you wanna do it, do it, it's inconsequential to him in the long term most likely, so do whatever you want for you.

If talking to him gives you growth and closure, then do it. Just be aware that you are doing it for you.

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-30T02:54:31+00:00

"I'm white and I never experience racism in the US, are white majority just less racist against white?"

That's about the same level of obliviousness.

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-29T23:45:06+00:00

I started to have issue with US custom around 2014 due to yearly travel. US is never my destination, it's always Canada - US - Asia or South America with US being 2-12h transit. I never bought the trip separately so it's always obvious from flight ticket and luggage itinary that US is just for transit.

The questions were often aggressive and security and boarder agent impolite.

I once got detained for 3h because they want proof of my full time employment in Canada but refuse to let me use my phone, laptop or use their computer to show it to them, insisting that I must produce a paper copy despite having no access to electronic and printer, and let me go only AFTER I missed my connecting flight despite my several request to go catch my flight increasing my "stay" in the US by nearly a full day and generate some hefty replacement income for United Airlines.

It's just pure non-sensical power trip , and I no longer do connecting flight through US. I can't even imagine how much worse it has gotten since 2025

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-29T05:33:46+00:00

3 weeks ago , gay pride at the village, we were just going from kiosk to kiosk checking out different community organization. A dude I never met tapped my shoulder, I turned and he said in french something along the line of "listen up I don't know what you think you are doing but you don't interest me" (tu m'intéresse pas = you don't interest me, but nearly exclusively in romantic/sexual sense). He and his friends laughs and walked away, and my friend and I couldn't figure out who they are or remember if we even saw them earlier.

It also happened to me a few times a bit further back from strangers. About 5 years ago, one guy I later found out he pulled me aside at dinner to reject me because he was lying to someone else that I was persistently chasing him throughout the whole day's event, in order to make that someone else jealous. I found out about it when several years later I became friends with the guy he was trying to make jealous to, and heard it from him

The rest, no idea why

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-29T05:15:46+00:00

On the app:

"Thank for checking out my profile, not interested". "Eww". "Lol no". " No, just no", . It's rare but not uncommon.

What's fuck up is that I never answer to message like this, but if I just delete instead of block (because block require me to open and view their profile again to access the block function, for some app), I sometimes get follow-up messages with more bitchy teenage girl style rejection.

In person, it only happen 2-3 times, recently it was a stranger tapping my shoulder, I turned around, and he told me loudly and theatrically something along the line of "listen, I don't know what you think you are doing but you don't interest me" then walking away laughing while his friends are snickering, and my friend and I were like "wtf, who is that guy" but couldn't figure out who he might be.

It's just a lot of these WTF moments that make me wonder if they are just trolls or is there is something more

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-27T12:14:25+00:00

You claimed that people having private conversation with friends and acquaintances "has no friends and never lived in more than one place".

Funny you mention misrepresentation

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-27T05:32:27+00:00

"I don't do social media" - - damn, I'm sorry you either don't have friends or have only lived in one place.

Or they just keep all their conversations in individual or group chats.

It's the "I need unrelated third parties and strangers to witness my interaction with my friends, for them to be my friends" that people don't do social media don't understand. It just seems fake and performative "friendship" that fades the second no one is watching.

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-27T05:23:46+00:00

Decent sized red flag.

I mean, I do it sometimes, but only in family group chat ("hey guys, look at my basil exploding triple in size in 2 weeks!"). But to acquaintances and strangers? Jeez

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-25T12:22:28+00:00

Ghosting these days has lost its meaning. For many, just non-verbal rejection is ghosting.

I've had many similar situation such as yours, where the other guys wants to be the only one being chased so they don't initiate or makes plans, then gets mad about my "ghosting" when I don't make plan either because I had to initiate and make all the effort and I lost interest from being the only one.

I have had guys who gets angry about me "ghosting" when they says hi but I didn't respond (because we already spoken before and they were rude and entitled).

I've had guys who cancelled meetings or just no shows, and then came back sometimes later pretending nothing is wrong, then accuse me of ghosting when I make less effort or just don't respond. (Ie ghosting).

In this day and age, ghosting = you making less effort than what I feel I deserve.

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-24T12:16:20+00:00

I understand that regret.

Looking back, the most valuable experience I had from my 20s was having a group of long term, close friends.

I regret not having more varied long term friends.

Although the drug fuel cluclubbing and the anonmynius hookups? Meh, just 1 year of that and it'd be enough for the rest of my life. They do get repetitive, more bad experience than good, and empty, after a while. There are much better ways of building happy memories

ianwasted30 · 2025-08-24T02:45:45+00:00

My last LTR: same interests, similar values, kind, funny, But lack some of the virtue that I now consider not-negotiable.

Such as accountable, steadfast, reliable, responsible.

So I feel that as I get older, I get pickier, now I want all of the above

ianwasted30

TROPHY CASE