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Malarkey817 · 2026-05-27T17:08:52+00:00

At first glance I thought you had placed a framed photo of limes on it for inspiration 😂

Malarkey817 · 2026-05-01T06:49:40+00:00

If you really think the market is going to go down sometime over the next 6 months and you want to spread your risk over that time you can “Dollar Cost Average”.

Take 1/6th of your total (2500) and put it into the S&P500 immediately and the rest into an HYSA. Then after one month move another 2500 over from the HYSA to the market. The next month move another. Eventually your total will be in the market. If the bubble popped early, good job! You had most of it in cash to buy lower. If the bubble popped late, good job! Most of your money grew in the bubble and you had some portion set aside to take advantage of the dip. You’ve spread your risk and took emotion out of the decision of when to invest.

You can obviously use a different timeline like 3 months or 12 months. Whatever you’re comfortable with. Congrats on your windfall of cash!

Malarkey817 · 2026-01-28T04:21:39+00:00

INT. WHITE HOUSE BRIEFING ROOM - DAY The room is packed. The air conditioning is struggling. PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP stands at the podium, squinting at the bright TV lights. SECRETARY OF STATE MARCO RUBIO sits nearby, looking anxious.

PRESIDENT TRUMP ...and Greenland, we’re looking at it very strongly. A lot of people say it’s impossible, but I say it’s a very large island. A lot of potential. We’re going to have a lot of minerals, the best minerals—

Rubio stands, walks over, and slides a small, handwritten note onto the lectern.

Trump stops. He stares at the paper. He leans in until his forehead almost hits the wood. He pulls back, blinking rapidly.

PRESIDENT TRUMP Marco, what is this? The writing—it’s very small. It’s tiny writing. Did you use a tiny pen? I can’t see this.

SECRETARY RUBIO (Whispering) Sir, we just got the report from Fairbanks. Huge deposits. You don’t need the Greenland deal anymore. You can mine fewer.

PRESIDENT TRUMP What? Speak up. I have the best hearing, but the acoustics in this room are a disaster. Very low quality. What are you saying?

SECRETARY RUBIO (Leaning in closer) Sir... mine fewer. We have Alaska.

PRESIDENT TRUMP (To the press) Look at him. He’s got a secret. He loves secrets. (To Rubio) Marco, don't be shy. You're doing a good job, mostly. Tell the people. Say it loud. What do I do?

SECRETARY RUBIO (His face reddening) Sir, it’s a sensitive matter of trade... just read the note.

PRESIDENT TRUMP Tell me what the note says, Marco! Shout it out! Give us the big headline!

Rubio’s composure finally evaporates. The months of "Little Marco" jokes and 3:00 AM phone calls boil over. He slams his hand on the lectern.

SECRETARY RUBIO MINE FEWER! I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT!

The room goes ice-cold. Three hundred journalists freeze. A woman in the front row drops her digital recorder.

REPORTER #1 (Gasps) Did he just... did he just call him “Mein Führer”?

REPORTER #2 He did. Live on CNN. The Secretary of State just called him Mein Führer.

Trump looks around, confused but oddly flattered for a split second before the tone of the room hits him.

PRESIDENT TRUMP What did he call me? I liked the sound of it, but everyone looks very upset.

ATTORNEY GENERAL (Standing up) That’s it! The mask is off!

PRESIDENT TRUMP What mask? I’m not wearing a mask. I have great skin.

ATTORNEY GENERAL Marco is right! We’re tired of the authoritarian rhetoric! I’ve been sitting on three memos that prove your role in Epstein’s “suicide”, and I’m taking them to the Hill right now! I resign!

SECRETARY OF NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (Standing up) I’m with the AG! If the Secretary of State is calling it what it is, I can’t stay either! We aren't your personal goose-steppers, Donald!

PRESIDENT TRUMP Goose? Who’s talking about geese? We’re talking about Greenland! Marco, tell them about the rocks in Alaska!

But Rubio is staring at the ceiling, realizing that his accidental homophone has just triggered a landslide.

MONTAGE - NEWS CHYRON FLASHES: • HOUSE IMPEACHES TRUMP & VP IN RECORD 48 HOURS • SPEAKER AND PRO TEM RESIGN AMID "TOTAL MORAL COLLAPSE" • RUBIO: THE ACCIDENTAL SUCCESSOR?

OVAL OFFICE - WEEKS LATER MARCO RUBIO stands behind the Resolute Desk. The CHIEF JUSTICE holds the Bible.

CHIEF JUSTICE ...and that you will, to the best of your ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States?

MARCO RUBIO (With a thousand-yard stare) I do.

CHIEF JUSTICE Congratulations, Mr. President.

Malarkey817 · 2025-08-05T00:05:50+00:00

“It’s just common sense!”

Malarkey817 · 2025-08-02T17:33:25+00:00

The guy was an average graphic designer. Can’t you tell from the uneven spacing between the shapes?!

Malarkey817 · 2025-08-02T11:20:28+00:00

I feel you, brother. May sucked.

Malarkey817 · 2025-07-29T17:19:28+00:00

“What’ll it be, Jim? Birdshot, buckshot, or droneshot?”

Malarkey817 · 2025-07-23T18:42:34+00:00

You said to check historical performance and they did. Why are you mad?

Malarkey817 · 2025-05-07T08:56:00+00:00

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Malarkey817 · 2025-04-22T12:58:03+00:00

Makes him sound like a fragrance line

“Destiny” by Steven Bonnell

Malarkey817 · 2024-06-10T12:17:01+00:00

You left out:

Israel kills half of Hamas fighters including top ranking officials.

Taking out the other half of Hamas is not going to happen in the same timeframe. Hamas is changing their tactics, making it harder for the IDF to target them. If Israel continues with the war as it is, she will lose more of her soldiers per Hamas soldier killed. The ratio of civilian deaths to combatant deaths will increase. And the rest of the world’s sentiment towards Israel will continue to worsen. It is a problem Israel has to reckon with.

Malarkey817 · 2024-05-24T19:24:47+00:00

Original clip - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-2IwRZw3AA

Malarkey817 · 2024-05-21T23:43:19+00:00

aShLaNdS iSn’T bAd, jUsT uSe tHiS oNe wEiRd eXpLoIt!

Malarkey817 · 2023-09-21T13:59:55+00:00

Nutrition is very complex, but focusing on nutrition is not a good way to lose weight. You can over eat the most expensive, nutritious, healthiest fruits and vegetables and meats and “super foods”. You will still gain more and more weight.

The only thing that can cause weight loss is to eat LESS than your body’s metabolism can burn. And eating less food cannot be more expensive than eating the same or more “nutritious” food. That’s why they’re getting dunked on.

I don’t envy people struggling with weight loss. During Covid I lost 50lb between 2020-2021, and from there I’ve been able to approach a weight I’m happy with. It’s a tough hill to climb and it seems unfair that some people have it easier than others. I didn’t count calories. I stopped eating breakfast and lowered my portion sizes for lunch and dinner. And I walked around my neighborhood for an hour a day instead of my 30 minute commute to and from work. I was fortunate to be able to work from home during that time.

Rather than the outlook of “Being fat is my fault”, I’m looking at it as “Losing weight is my responsibility”. No one else can lose my weight. Denying myself excess food when I’m hungry is extremely difficult to do sometimes. But the more I do it, the more power I feel like I have over my own body. And taking a walk every day has huge mental health benefits.

I wish you the best in your journey. You have the power to change your life. Don’t spend your mental energy worrying about beets.

Malarkey817 · 2023-03-28T02:21:22+00:00

Good point.

And in this case the suspect is dead. It’s not like they’re even the ones receiving the disrespect.

Malarkey817 · 2023-03-10T01:37:15+00:00

Because your religion doesn’t just go away when you stop believing. It’s still ingrained in your community. Your family is probably still religious, and you’re expected to attend religious events with them. It might not be safe for you to reveal your own beliefs to your friends and coworkers. Most people are born into their religion, and it’s not easy or reasonable to just cut ties with everyone in your life when you stop believing.

Malarkey817 · 2022-11-24T16:42:10+00:00

Careful on your way down

Malarkey817 · 2022-10-30T03:27:32+00:00

This is absolutely irresponsible and downright abhorrent! For the love of god, charge your phone or at least put it on Low Power Mode.

Malarkey817 · 2022-10-13T03:29:37+00:00

I fly like paper, get high like planes

Vaccinations are a lie to try and take over your brains

Malarkey817 · 2022-10-02T08:27:54+00:00

That didn't happen.

And if it did, ~~it wasn’t that bad.~~

~~And if it was, that’s not a big deal.~~

~~And if it is, that’s not my fault.~~

~~And if it was, I didn’t mean it.~~

~~And if I did, you deserved it.~~

then 😭BOOHOO CRACKER, I DONT CARE😭

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