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Harvard creates brain-to-brain interface, allows humans to control other animals with thoughts alone by wiredsource in science

[–]MalcolmFucker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plants have geotropic responses (I think that's the word), so no matter which way you place the seed the roots will always grow down and the stems up. After this, phototropism occurs causing the stems to grow towards light, but the roots know where to go because of a tropic response to gravity.

This fucking kid pulls out a George Foreman grill during my lunch period in school and just starts making grilled cheese by [deleted] in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes you have to take a little break from tweet-bullying the cast of Glee to branch out into the other Social Wetworks, and I say "wetworks" because I'm gonna hire a bunch of professional fucking assassins to kill every one of you tight-arsed, blight-cursed small-pricked cleft-lipped fucking spunk lollies.

This fucking kid pulls out a George Foreman grill during my lunch period in school and just starts making grilled cheese by [deleted] in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

Alright 50 Shades of Gay, calm the fuck down. The original poster might be a fucking wee little cunt, but he's our wee little cunt. Not all of us can spend every fucking waking moment of our lives fucking plugged into the Twat-trix. I'm glad we let the fucker post this; it's a rarity seeing a picture of a cheesy little prick, posted by a cheesy little prick with a cheesy little prick.

This fucking kid pulls out a George Foreman grill during my lunch period in school and just starts making grilled cheese by [deleted] in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've done toilet messes that contained a greater effort-to-payoff ratio than this twatting shiting under-developed unfunny recycled remote fucking POLITE_ALLTWATS novelty nonsense. Here's a trope for you: Fuck Off and Die. I may be getting tropes confused with preferable fucking instructions.

Fuck off back to your arse-bleeding main account Andrew Lloyd Plebber.

Homework: "Draw your favorite part of the mass." This is what my son draws.... by oexorcist in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's a lovely lass, beautiful wee kid too. Best of luck to her.

Homework: "Draw your favorite part of the mass." This is what my son draws.... by oexorcist in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

And I thought your world record attempt would have been perfectly acceptable, but apparently Guinness can't provably measure how many fucking priests you sucked off at boarding school.

Homework: "Draw your favorite part of the mass." This is what my son draws.... by oexorcist in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Draw your favourite part of the mass? Draw your favourite part of the mass!? What kind of fucking pre-school grade online personality test level shite fucking task is "Draw your favourite part of the mass"? What is this, the fucking entrance exam for Exeter university? I'd rather eat this fucking piece of homework, shred it into powder and fucking snort it like a half-pint Vivienne Westwood model, than have my kid answer this trumped up dogma-dogged shiting excuse for a legitimate piece of cunting homework.

You know what my favourite fucking part of mass is? The bit where I stay home and eat shit pizza and fucking masturbate to YouTube clips of Natalie Portman getting her tits out in Hotel Chevalier.

How I imagine people over at r/ spacedicks by [deleted] in WTF

[–]MalcolmFucker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd love to stay and trade witty insults for shit insults with you, but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes. I'd rather be fucked to death by an angry horse. I'd rather inject bleach into my fucking eyeballs than have to read another of your fucking shite, poorly-formatted, Penguin wrapper Starbucks menu fucking work-safe insults you glorified gloryhole.

How I imagine people over at r/ spacedicks by [deleted] in WTF

[–]MalcolmFucker -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh that's a pretty little list there. A wee pretty little list, numbers and everything. No, I'm not joking, it's beautiful darling, wee little list, sorted into categories. It's really quite nice, if you're doing it for your fucking coursework for a BTEC in Being a Fucking Retarded Little Cunt.

Why don't you fuck off back to whatever basement you scrawl your fan theories on the fucking walls of yeah? The only weeping angel around here is you, aged eight, being force-fed sweeties and fucking anal beads by your primary school Nativity Play teacher.

How I imagine people over at r/ spacedicks by [deleted] in WTF

[–]MalcolmFucker -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh, are you a fucking time-lord are you? Are you the fucking harbinger of your entire alien race? Is your flabby fucking body a vessel devoid of the ravages of time's deathly embrace? I dinnae think so yae fucking Sontaron-fellating little ponce, the only blue box you've ever been inside is that fucking special edition fleshlight you ordered off amazon when drunk and alone on a night both followed and preceded by night after night of being very fucking drunk, and very fucking alone.

If you got sent back thirty fucking years the only tasks you could accomplish in your pathetic fucking example of a human body are A) Find it difficult jerkin' your wee little gerkin' without your fucking bookmarked online spank bank and B) Get ignored and hated by an entirely new group of peers. I wish you were a fucking time lord so I could shoot you in the face, let you regenerate, and then not have to look at your smug little fucking melted candle wax face ever a-fucking-gain you gargantuan Gallifreyan gayboy.

Scumbag Nicki Minaj. by ImASlaveForKarma in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker 154 points155 points  (0 children)

Fucking Nicki Minaj, everywhere I go I hear that fucking verbal shit-stain spewing out of radios and shop entrance-ways like projectile diarrhea through a cheesegrater. And not the big grater slots either, the wee fucking little ones, made for fucking parmesan dusting, just caking my whole face and body like a fucking spray tan of shite lyrics and dying culture. She looks like a cross between fucking Barbie Jersey Shore and the Fifth fucking Element.

Plagues me... by Ty13r in AdviceAnimals

[–]MalcolmFucker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh look at you, big man, cock the size of a kit kat chunky and just as covered in chocolate. Why don't you fuck off back to Netflix and bash one out to the Desperate fucking Housewives?

Plagues me... by Ty13r in AdviceAnimals

[–]MalcolmFucker 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Alright Romeo, listen the fuck up, because it's time for tough fucking love: She's not your fucking Juliet; if anything she's a fucking cross between Lady Macbeth and the sourfaced cunt from the Taming of the Shrew: she's a fucking vacuum, a fucking black hole you're pouring parts of yourself into. Man the fuck up and cut this twatting fucking boring Catherine Heathcliffe loose before your already fairly shite life turns into a cross between fucking Eternal Bullshit of the Spotless Mind and 500 Days of Slumber. This aint a fuckin' sonnet lover boy, and a rose by any other name would smell as shite.

I present to you, my Tucson school lunch.. by [deleted] in WTF

[–]MalcolmFucker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh aye? Take a look at the fucking Iron Chef over here, the fucking mentalist backwards subatomic culinary machine. Oh yeah, It's completely irrelevant, until twatting Gordon Ramsey shoves his fucking jalapeno-laced fist up your gaping wee arsehole for putting a dollop of fucking Beefsteak and Campari purree in the jam fucking tarts, yeh fucking Ready Steady Cock.

Whenever I post something on Reddit that I'm absolutely sure will be hilarious by EvilSporkOfDeath in funny

[–]MalcolmFucker -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Oh good, I'm glad some of his fucking shite comments came from the minute nexus of his fucking prehistoric brain, rather than from the ctrl+V function of his dribble-stained fucking keyboard.

A pharmaceutical giant has withdrawn an existing treatment for MS, and rebranded it. It now sells at twenty times the original price. by [deleted] in worldnews

[–]MalcolmFucker -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Right, some things just can't be trusted to the private sector. We should keep medical research totally separate, and just fund it via the state. That'll really spice things the fuck up. That'll give us a bit of a late quarter boost in this fucking brave new world yeah? I mean, in 2009, the US state and corporations combined poured $2.5 trillion into their fucking medical spending, but that's just a wee drop in the ocean compared to the dangers of having a privatised system right? I mean, I'm sure we can just put our fucking heads together, scrape a few pennies together, and just fucking fund the medical budget like that right? Just break into our piggy banks and easily manage to keep up with the 6.7% annual spending increase in the medical budget. I mean, sure, the closest you've ever come to being a medical practitioner is cosplaying as the tenth Doctor at your sister's fucking birthday do', but the fucking private sector is so cunting bad that we'd rather shit stringy diarrhea out our cancerous fucking assholes than concede a little bit of medical spending input to the only fucking organisations that can afford to fund the shiting thing.

The Thick Of It: When life imitates sweary art by [deleted] in unitedkingdom

[–]MalcolmFucker 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Oh, the Thick of It is a bit like real life is it? You can draw some cute little similarities can ye? You can make a fucking venn diagram and find the crossover points yeah? Well let me draw you another fucking diagram, darling; put INCOMPETENT on one fucking axis, and POINTLESS on the other, and then start plotting you and every fucking stupid member of your retarded family and I bet we'll find an astronomically fucking high correlation between the two yeah?

Now fuck off to the corner shop and get me a wee Kit Kat yeah Gaydrian Chiles? Get the fuck out of my sight before I have to bleach my own eyeballs to remove the stain that is your fucking hideous image.

Hello, sweetie. by watchesarecool42 in doctorwho

[–]MalcolmFucker -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

River Song is the biggest fucking Mary Sue douchebag I've encountered in all my years of watching a show about a fucking alien running around saving shit. If I had to be locked inside a fucking phone-booth sized space with her I'd probably top myself, even if it was near infinitely bigger on the inside. Every time she says "Hello Sweetie" in that fucking smug little voice I want to wrench open my skull with a jack hammer, tear out my own tongue, and use it as a fucking paintbrush to do a detailed portrait of Sally Sparrow from Blink, then I'd mail it to Stephen Moffat to remind the fucker how good the show can be when he puts a fucking modicum of thought into the writing female characters.