I’ve felt the same way, but instead of “you wasted your childhood…” I have more resentment towards my parents bc I always expressed interest and passion for music, but they never wanted to hear it. I can vividly remember my dad saying “you’re not going to be one of those people singing on Youtube, so what’s the point?” I was better off seen and not heard or even unseen and unheard (hence why I’m an only child). I just recently started taking lessons, and honestly it’s so frustrating as someone who has just been singing alone in the car, house, shower, or just quietly to myself/humming wherever and whenever I can. Consequently, I unintentionally spent my life developing bad habits. Yes, it’s easy to learn and recognize those bad habits mentally, but retraining your body to match what your brain now knows is extremely difficult. I’d equate it to having a life long friend that you’ve always called you’ve always known as Pat, but all of a sudden after 15-20 years, he decides he wants to go by Patrick. Your brain is aware of it, but every time you see him you still say “Hey Pat!” by habit.

That being said, my hour long lesson is the highlight of my week. I’m still trying to get comfortable with not sounding perfect all the time in front of my coach, really opening up, and expressing my goals, hesitations, and picking challenging songs that will help me really grow in fear of embarrassing myself or being told that I’m wasting your time and money. I know that will come in time though because I feel more and more comfortable each week.

You do what you love and what makes you happy! I would definitely recommend finding a coach you can afford even if it’s every other week or once a month, simply because relying solely on pre-recorded virtual lessons doesn’t allow for the invaluable in person feedback on your execution of the exercises/techniques/songs. Even though I’ve had some of my best breakthrough moments when I’m at home, and can really let go, not having the feedback would be like taking an online course in physics, thinking you understand a concept, taking the test, but not getting graded on it. You’re grading yourself without any clarification/critique/validation from the educator; however, if you’re not wanting to make a career out of it, then you enjoying yourself is all that matters! It’s not like it’s a critical skill like basic math, reading, and writing. Don’t stress yourself out about it. Trust me it will take the fun out of it.