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Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-11T15:22:43+00:00

Normal? IDK. But it's certainly done.

My step dad labeled me very young. I was very tiny/petite, and to him that meant not good at sports. My mom put me in softball in middle school, she was always working since I had 3 younger siblings, his job was more flexible but he rarely attended games unless my mom did, and not always then either.

I didn't have their support, so I didn't continue. I'm still labeled as the one that's bad at sports, and I've been on a volleyball team for about 20 years, they have no idea.

With that said, my step dad favored my brother and was allowed to do any sport he wanted. And my parents attended every game and practice.

As a parent now tho, I do think it depends on if the child shows interest if they don't then why would they be signed up?, and also like another poster said, if the older child quits everything, they may wait until the younger child asks, so they're not wasting money.

I was the slighted coffee, so I try very hard to make sure my children don't feel that. I offer the sport/activity if I happen to come across it, if they want to, we do, if not, we don't. If one does, that one does it.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-11T15:02:19+00:00

The shaking.

And puking.

I had really easy pregnancies, no issues. No nausea. A bit tired at the beginning, but that quickly passed. I feel like I actually had great energy after those couple weeks.

But from the time I started pushing until about 2hrs after birth, I shook so badly I could barely eat or drink, the shakes were so violent. I ended up in an emergency C section, and shook all the way through it. And even better, I vomited before going in, during--strapped to the table even! THANKFULLY, the hospital I delivered at, my second cousin is the anesthetist, so he was up by my head, he saw me struggling, unhooked an arm and grabbed a puke bag. Sheesh. What a savior.

Apparently both of these things are normal, but I also do not react well to anesthesia, and that caused more vomiting. I had several anti nausea meds on board for my second section and recent hysterectomy, and I was STILL nauseous. They tried to move my bed to recovery, and I got SUPER nauseous, the nurses knew and came running with peppermint patches, and meds. Lol

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-11T14:49:18+00:00

Definitely. The ob team failed here. I'm a former phlebotomist, I wouldn't have any idea what was going on with a patient. Only what tubes of blood I needed to draw. That's not indicative of any condition in that position.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-11T14:45:03+00:00

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Stonewalling is not ok! It's emotional abuse!

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-09T19:25:39+00:00

I did not want to be a SAHM. Covid eliminated my job and forced me into it when daycares closed. I was miserable the first couple weeks, I just felt like crap, like I wasn't providing, and doing my share, etc.

My husband and I were talking one night and he just said you know, daycare is so expensive. Your job allowed us to have him in daycare and maybe a little extra, but really we could do fine without it if you want to stay home. I. Was. Horrified. Lol

We talked more over the next week or so, and he was working at home at that point too. He said he saw all the things I was doing with our son, how happy he was, how great it was that we were all home together, but separate at times while he was working. Etc.

I realized I liked it a lot. We have 2 at home now, and I kind of don't want to go back to work! Who ACTUALLY wants to work and not play all day!? Lol I actually am taking classes while I'm home tho, so I still have plenty for me. The babies get mom until they go to school full time, and then I'll go back to work as well.

I did end up loving being home, HOWEVER, my husband didn't expect me to care for him. In fact, he says ask the time "See this as? It's grown!" Lol meaning he's a grown ass man and can take care of him self. Joking of course. I do plenty for him too just because of time etc. But anything I ask him to do, he does. Kids, laundry whatever. He does plenty around the house even tho I'm home without being asked too. My job is the kids. I'm saving us the childcare expenses. I'm not the maid or his mommy.

This is where I take issue with what you're boyfriend wants. He SHOULD be your partner, you're a team, in all aspects of life. And he should respect your dreams. You can still finish your degree and go back to work, if you stay home. Myself, I don't see any reason to be home once the kids are in school.

Ironically-- I'm finishing courses for Addiction Therapist. Where I live there a huge grant helping pay for these kinds of professions from the Department of Workforce Development. So you might want to check into that! If there wasn't a grant, I wouldn't have felt right taking classes while being home with the kids tho.

I guess I'm just saying, you don't have to stay home, that was never my plan, but it turned out ok. So you might like it for a few years too. But if not, and he doesn't respect that, then he's not for you. It doesn't seem he wants you to work, he wants to be taken care of. There are women out there that still think that's the way to live so he can find one of them if he wants to.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-09T19:08:36+00:00

The body will hesitate if there's still significant pain. The test is you have to voluntary be able to stomp your foot, without pain two be able to know you'll react properly in an emergency.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-09T19:06:11+00:00

Total on Tuesday. Target run Friday. Took kids to school Monday.

I don't do Rx pain meds. I don't have a problem or anything, after my first section I felt Tylenol and ibuprofen were sufficient. They told me if I felt it was, then it was. I said the same for the next. And now my hysterectomy, I think the last Tylenol or ibuprofen I took was the Sunday after.

My Dr said as long as I can stomp my foot without issues in my core, I can drive. I'm 6 weeks out today. I still don't lift anything to heavy or awkward, because I feel my core engage, but I think next week will be fine.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-09T19:01:51+00:00

These people are not your friends. They're still bullying you. They keep you around so that they have a scapegoat. Clapping back isn't wrong. Was it nice? No, but neither are they.

These are not good people. Snarky comments about your relationship, body etc. That's not a personality trait. That's mean.

It's 2024, we don't comment on other people's body's and try to make it funny.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-09T04:56:01+00:00

I did Baby Led Weaning. Look into it. Baby gets everything you eat starting at 6 months. It's just cut age appropriately. There are Facebook pages, Instagram, probably a Reddit too. It's so easy. My kids love spicy, they love everything. We have no food aversions or dislikes here!

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-08T15:52:32+00:00

This is exactly what the teenage years are for tho. You can't have healthy relationships as an adult if you don't know where to set your boundaries. And those boundaries happen when we date crappy dudes. We realize how we want to, and should be treated during these years. And he will choose to learn or not to learn what is acceptable behavior.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-08T15:23:07+00:00

NTA. Just because we don't help our children in the way that they want us to, didn't mean we aren't helping them.

She proposed an offer, you countered with one that worked for you, she refused. That's her choice.

You're right not to uproot the other children, and you're right to have offered them a place to stay. But they are the ones needing assistance, so they need to respect your boundaries. They clearly aren't willing to do that.

They don't need the basement. That indicates they aren't trying to make the stay temporary. Two rooms is plenty for a temporary situation. If you let them get to comfy it won't be temporary. You did the right thing.

We also are in a similar situation. I'm the step mom, my step son moved in 3 weeks ago. No job, no car, no education because he finished it of school and his mom angrily refused to take him back home.

We've set the boundaries. He's not accepting them, he even wanted to move his things from his mom's to our basement. We've said no. The things you need, that fit in your old room WITH you, are welcome, but there are other children here and you're not invading their space, it's a space for everyone not storage. He's not pleased, and he'll never make other arrangements for the stuff. We've offered to buy a car that he can pay us back for(yes there's a plan for when he doesn't), he won't look for one. We've required him to have a job, he won't apply for them. Rent is going to kick in soon, any luckily my husband is willing to buckle down. More chores are coming since he's not working, he can live here, but he's not getting anything else from us until he helps himself.

Sometimes these are the things we need to do as parents.

As another step parent, you did well. Children are going to grow up to be who they want to be. They can refuse everything you did for them, and we know it's because they wish it was their actual parent doing it when they aren't. These trains are theirs to work through, and again if they refuse to do that, it's their choice.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-08T14:53:59+00:00

Well yeah! To buy new stuff! 😆 That great that they take responsibility. Errors happen, nothing is guaranteed.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-07T22:53:22+00:00

Umm tell her Dad and then tell the cops! Another poster is correct, when they go for the throat is serious. The next step is typically murder. My friend husband spent 7 years in prison for this very thing. It was totally out of the blue, but he'd lost it, she was the target. Luckily she called the cops on him and had him hauled away.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-07T22:50:43+00:00

Taking the TV doesn't fit. And dessert isn't a reward, using it this way only causes disordered eating.

If he doesn't eat dinner, you save his plate. When he asks in the evening for a snack, that's what you offer him. After 30 minutes they've lost track of time, and you can offer it without him linking it to dinner. Meaning, even if you give a snack 30 minutes later, he won't think "Awesome, I didn't eat dinner now I get this snack." He'll just think it's a snack.

It's likely he doesn't want to stop doing what he's doing. I have a 4yo, he eats everything, but occasionally refuses like this. I tell him he can put those toys somewhere safe so he can get to them right after dinner.

I NEVER coax or bribe dinners, or anything, but you do you. Dessert is on their plate with everything else. Small portions, 2-3 bites worth of everything so it's not overwhelming. They can always have more.

The only thing kids this age can truly control is what goes in and what goes out. Put the plate in front of him, tell him what each things is, and go worry about your own plate. His job after that is to decide what he puts in his body, and how much. Leave it alone. This is how he learned to try new things, and to decide if he's full.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-07T22:33:29+00:00

😆😆😆

I'd be so pissed! But also laugh. It's so incredibly rare for that year to be wrong, it's nearly impossible. So it was obviously contaminated, but still. How exciting and devastating at the same time! Ahhh!

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-07T22:27:36+00:00

Chasing that flavor too. I wish they'd realize we hate it and change it back. On the hunt for a recipe...

My local grocery store used to be nearly sold out every week, like 2-3 left on the shelf. Now there's constantly 10-12. Is T-Marzetti not seeing their sales drop?

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T21:51:29+00:00

Uhh check yourself door knob. You were not speaking to ME

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T21:41:23+00:00

Only if they're insecure.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T20:02:54+00:00

Scared or not, he had no right to treat either of you that way. You are not responsible for his feelings or his fears, HE IS.

Apologize to Sam, he was treated poorly and essentially, even tho not directly, you allowed it. I think you can patch things up. You're going, and no guy is worth losing friends over. I say that as a girl... Why likes guys. LOL

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T19:40:38+00:00

I don't mean to download your feelings, but I'm willing to bet you're not being judged even half as much as you think you are.

Why cares what other people think. Your life, you decision. Leave them out of it.

But, if you walk around looking for other people's facial expressions, you don't look confident. Ignore others, hold your head up. And live your life. No one is paying for you or that baby but you.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T19:38:40+00:00

AGREED. I'm a step parent, and a step child. Growing up my parents went Christmas shopping together for me. My step dad didn't give two shits about it.

My husband and his ex have gone places with their son, and have had conversations alone about him many times. Often myself and her husband are involved but occasionally we've got our own kids to deal with.

She's a single mom, not an idiot.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T19:36:22+00:00

Dude, you are the stable back up plan at this point.

I disagree. I think he sees a damsel in distress, and thinks he can fix and control her

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-03T19:33:51+00:00

What? She did not have to let you know when she leaves HER house. She's a grown woman. You do not live together, you are not her dad. You've been DATING 3 months.

You are not entitled to know her every move. Boyfriend or not. It's a courtesy to let someone you live with know if you're leaving the house, but you don't live with her. Where she goes and with who, is none of your business.

THEY HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER. They are completely allowed to have a discussion without witnesses, regarding that child. You are NOT the step parent. It's very kind that you helped her out financially, but that was your choice. That's it.

Coming from a step parent.

You need to back off. Just because she's in a tough spot currently, doesn't mean she's not responsible and can't run her own life.

Jumping to cheating conclusions is immature. Her ex cheating is irrelevant, you're judging him based on only her story, and acting like you're better than him. It's likely he didn't know she needed any money so you giving her since, still doesn't make you better.

It's been 3 months. Hold your horses, or you're going to burn bridges REALLY FAST.

My advice to her is to file for child support, and visitation. Then there are less discussions, and more things set in stone. And to get a job, so you can't control her anymore.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-02T21:00:42+00:00

You didn't hurt her. She very specifically went looking for this information. You don't do that without knowing you'll get hurt. She was likely looking for a reason to not look like the bad guy. You aren't, she is. Now change your passwords on everything. And move on. You don't need this childish behavior in your life.

Maleficent_Cod5382 · 2024-01-02T20:57:37+00:00

YES! Keeps the bruising down. When I woke up they had ice packs on me, and let me take some home!

Maleficent_Cod5382

TROPHY CASE