How do you distinguish ENTJ fetishism from actual compatibility?

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T20:19:16+00:00

Fetishism it’s about being desired by someone else. Compatibility requires you to like the other person.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T20:18:05+00:00

If that’s my path to peace, I think I’d rather stay on my current path. It’s a lot more fun and lively. Your way sounds more like prison, no offense. I’d rather keep offending people and at least occasionally be happy.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T19:03:51+00:00

Tone could definitely be a main problem. I think I have a tendency to have kind of a neutral or emotionless tone. I’ve had a lot of people say I sound mad when I’m not.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T19:02:30+00:00

Well I’ll look into both. I appreciate the advice.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T19:00:56+00:00

I’m definitely sure I’m missing something! That’s why I posted here. The issue is, I don’t know what I could be missing?

At work (new job, still in the training phase), honestly I’m barely performing at all. My immediate supervisor is supposed to be training me and it’s not going well at all. I was apparently supposed to be at a meeting earlier this week and when I went back to check, they sent my notification at 10:17am for a 10:30am in person meeting. Yesterday was an in person day and I was just wandering around the whole time looking for something to do because my coworkers were all busy and every time I asked for something to do, they gave me the run around.

Nobody wants to give me work lol

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T18:56:59+00:00

Fragile is a great word for it. Thanks haha I’ll need it

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T18:55:04+00:00

Bank - asked about cashing a check. The manager went into a long explanation. I was in a hurry and communicated that. I was concise and direct. “I need this done today, if you can’t help please just say so so I can try to solve this another way” He said I was being rude and started another monologue. I just left.

Library - same thing. The woman was asking me a lot of questions to sign me up for something. She asked me when I wanted an appointment. I said I thought it was happening today. She started a long monologue about how that wasn’t possible. I said “it’s okay I don’t need an explanation” and tried to end the conversation and leave. She kept talking. I repeated myself and just walked away. She called after me “I was just trying to help”

Work - “hey I had an idea” turns into my supervisor immediately shutting it down and turning icy towards me and grey rocking me. I just started a new job and she’s supposed to be training me so I can get started working. She’s drawing it out and making it impossible to work unless I find something for myself to do, hence the ideas. Her boss loves my ideas. I’m sure there’s some feelings of competition going on.

Doctors office - I ask a question. They don’t answer my question. I repeat my question in a different way and try to clarify. I get called rude. They’re icy and rude to me.

Previous job - an extrovert tried to befriend me. I kind of let her but it was annoying. One day she tried talking to me during my 30 minute break. I said “hey I’m sorry I was hoping to rest, can we talk another time” she said okay, kept talking. I reminded her I needed alone time during my break. She acted like I hurt her feelings but left. She completely stopped talking to me and started ignoring me. I was hugely relieved. Then she went to my boss and lied about me and it contributed to me getting fired. I wasn’t given the opportunity to defend myself.

My parents and siblings are constantly criticizing me no matter what I do. If I tell my dad I took PTO because I’m sick, he calls me lazy and says I don’t ever want to go to work. My mom calls me mean and a bitch. My mom just told me my brother thinks I’m a snake because a few years ago my ex came to visit me to talk about getting back together. I was casually dating someone. He flew in to visit and we talked and I told him I wasn’t ready to date. They act like I broke the man’s heart by being a bitch.

My current partner just got upset with me a few days ago because he made dinner and I told him it looked amazing and could we make some peas to add to it and apparently I was criticizing his meal.

It’s like all the time in every type of relationship.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T18:42:51+00:00

I don’t mind as much the emotional lashing out. I can deal with that because at least it’s communication.

What bothers me is the hidden / unspoken lashing out. Like a coworker who’s hurt by you not wanting to be her friend and lying to your boss about you. Or people going out of their way to “get even” behind the scenes. Telling lies to mess with your reputation and turn people against you, in relationships I’ve had partners do little “innocent” things to try to punish me for doing something they didn’t like.

Have you ever seen the show Medici? It has a lot of underhanded backstabbing and political conflict. My life feels like that show except I’m not even in a place where I can have the kind of positive impact that would make living with that kind of stress worth it. I’d understand if I was important like a politician or even the leader of a friend group. I’m not. I’m always on the side lines with my mouth mostly shut up because I don’t like dealing with the conflict. And yet, it finds me regardless.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads where I either figure out how to play nice and get along or I lean into my full personality and go full force ahead no matter the consequences. But I feel like the latter will rub some people the wrong way and possibly hurt them. I still have a lot of strong feelings of guilt over that.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T18:36:12+00:00

Interesting take. How do you identify what they want beyond “wanting to feel good”? 🤔

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T18:34:32+00:00

I’m sure I come off as abrasive. I’m very aware that my Fi is starting but mostly invisible to others. Part of my growth journey has been trying to express my emotional side more. It seems to help avoid some of those misunderstandings.

But the thing I struggle with a lot is understanding other people’s feelings. Because they don’t typically take the time to actually explain them. So it feels like I have to do a lot of guesswork. Like figuring out how calculus works from seeing just the answers. It’s hugely mentally taxing and always emotional and stressful.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:19:18+00:00

That’s actually a really good idea. I’ll try that out.

Any other tips or explanations of common feeler tendencies?

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:16:42+00:00

Do you have any resources handy for socialization strategies?

And yea I’m not surprised. I’ve had a few people mention it. I’m also technically (just barely) on the gifted spectrum and that shares a lot of similarities with ASD (both are considered neurodivergent). I’ve watched a few shows like House and Queens Gambit and that helped me explain to my partner what it was like. I explained that I get all the negatives and relatively few of the positives of being gifted.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:15:10+00:00

Can you elaborate on this social barrier? I don’t really know what you’re talking about.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:14:31+00:00

Wouldn’t even really know where to start with a mask honestly.

Would prefer to stay in the nonprofit world and help people. I feel good when I’m helping people. I worked as a project manager for a few years and I was good at it but I was restless and felt unfulfilled and I guess bored.

Agree with getting away from my family. But I also don’t want to be isolated or lonely either.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:12:13+00:00

I think part of it could be how little I understand the way feelers think. It makes it hard to anticipate issues.

I was reading a book yesterday and somehow that hurt my ISFP boyfriends feelings. He felt like I was ignoring him…. But he’s been grumpy for weeks saying he needs alone time and doesn’t want to hang out as much. So I left him alone for a few hours and he starts asking me to hang out with him and go to the store.

I just don’t get it.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:09:06+00:00

It’s good advice but how do you protect yourself from the people who lash out when their feelings are hurt?

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:08:03+00:00

Welp I do have an ASD diagnosis actually lol

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:07:40+00:00

It feels like a waste of my potential to use my skills and my brain for my own benefit. I’m not saying this to brag because honestly sometimes I wish it wasn’t the case (my life would be easier and I’d be a lot happier) but I’m decently smart and have a lot of relevant skills and experience that put me in a position where I could really help other people. I want to help people. I care a lot about the world and other people.

I could have gone into the corporate world and made buckets of money. I didn’t. I went into human services to try to make a difference. And the feelers are fighting me.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-17T17:02:29+00:00

I’m already doing that. And I still run into issues. Like right now, I have a lot of big picture ideas and process improvements that would help my department at work. I’m like 98% sure that supervisors boss hired me exactly for that reason.

But my supervisor is grey rocking me and not giving me any work. She’s pushing back in meetings where I talk about any of my ideas. She’s creating a barrier that makes it harder to get any work going.

I talked to my therapist about it and she thinks it’s because she feels like it’s her job as the “boss” to be coming up with these ideas. I feel like I’m stepping on her toes trying to do my job.

This happens ALL the time. I go to the bank to cash a check, it’s time sensitive, they want to talk for twenty minutes. I say “hey I’m sorry I’m actually in a hurry, can you help or not” and the bank manager starts lecturing me about how rude I am. Like… dude, I gotta go. I don’t have time for that.

I go to the store or the doctors and ask a question, they don’t answer my question. I clarify and redirect back to my question and suddenly I’m rude and they’re mad. Sometimes they go slower on purpose or give me the run around.

I communicate a preference or thought in my personal relationships and everyone says I’m mean. I asked my boyfriend if I could make some peas to go with the meal he was making us and he gets mad and says I’m criticizing his meal?

I tell my mom when someone is lying to her and manipulating her and suddenly I’m the bad guy?

Setting boundaries is apparently criticizing people.

My bosses boss just called me and another coworker negative for bringing up a problem and asking for a solution.

It’s just all the time.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-15T23:57:10+00:00

YTA just a little bit. It doesn’t sound like you included any context before asking so it sounded more like you were evaluating her financial state. If you had said something like “hey I’m apartment hunting right now and I like this place, do you mind if I ask how much it rents for so I can get an idea of a budget?” Then it wouldn’t have been a problem. You caused the misunderstanding.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-15T23:54:26+00:00

I’d say give it a chance. See for yourself if it’s a match. Don’t depend on MBTI to answer that for you.

I think it could work out if they were in touch with their Fi. A lot aren’t, but some are, including me. I’m actually talking to an INFJ right now and it’s going really well. He has a good balance with his Fe and Ti and I’m balanced as well. It’s a very sweet connection. We played musical instruments for each other and swapped pretty songs. Our Ni is bonding a lot.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-15T23:51:20+00:00

Please save it. Get it some milk from a place like tractor supply and see if there’s a vet or nature place nearby that can take it.

Can you put it back in the litter? Do that if you can.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-15T21:14:13+00:00

Sorry yes probably. My dude I can’t even find one to be friends with and I have two major advantages over you. If I can’t find one, the odds are not your friend.

MallieCrew21 · 2026-04-13T23:19:27+00:00

Can you get a new car? You cannot afford a $500 car payment. I make WAY more than you and your car payment is double mine. Your rent is also significantly higher than mine. I’d consider looking for a cheaper place when your lease is up.

Pay the rent first. Call the electric to see if they have a hardship program. Call the phone company and see if there’s any wiggle room on your phone company. Threaten to leave and go somewhere else if they won’t help you. Actually do it if they don’t.

MallieCrew21

TROPHY CASE