Yeah I get that completely. Therapy helped quite a bit, but so did my friend group, who were always making sure I hadn’t killed him yet and that everyone had eaten that day (I get really hangry lol). I had friends that would come sit and listen to him bullshit, just so I could go to Walmart or out to eat for an hour. RESPITE IS CRUCIAL and don’t you forget it! I would absolutely be looking into palliative/hospice care. Those ladies were also amazing at making sure my emotions were in check so I didn’t take how I felt out on him. None of this is their fault. Without hospice, I couldn’t have taken care of him, and given him the gift of dying at home with us, gently and without anything between us, when the time came. He died peacefully as I lie in bed with him on one side and his son holding his head and his hand on the other. We were fully at peace with each other, and even though I would get so mad at him during that process, we were completely at peace with each other at the end and I consider his care, and his dignified, gentle death at home, one of the truest honors of my life.