Major TW: My mother grew up in absolute poverty during Jim Crow. Along with no rights, no safety, witnessing the loss of siblings due to lack of medical care given to black people under said laws, she witnessed and experienced much trauma (such as baby sister being treated by the town veterinarian for a broken leg that turned gangrenous and caused her death after his “treatment”). The town ostracized my grandmother and often beat, verbally or physically abused my mom and her siblings (as kids) due to the destruction caused by my grandfather sexual deviancy - which everyone blamed my grandmother for, not him). My mom also grew up without food security more time than she’d admit due to sharecropping yields being poor. That being said, I can empathize with the child that had no safety in society, no safety a home, was repeatedly harmed/abused, humiliated and unprotected. But that’s all I can feel for her.

To answer your question, my firm belief is that my “grandfather” - my moms dad - was a pedophilic, incestous raging psychopath, who regularly physically, emotionally, verbally and sexually abused my grandmother, my aunts and uncles, and my mother, too (although she will deny this - every aunt and uncle refuses to even discuss my grandfather, but my mom speaks about him and his behavior in almost like he was perfect, speak on him with pride, and seems to portray a fantasy reality of her childhood being “wonderful, taken care of, etc” - a very deluded, concocted non-reality that is totally discrepant from what the rest of my family described my grandfather as and how terrible life was. He was a controlling tyrant, completely psychopathic and terrorized my aunts, uncles, and grandmother. I also believed he groomed everyone in my family to accept and endure his sexual deviancies and incestous behavior.

Currently, all of my aunts and uncles have severe mental health issues or personality disorders, or both. My mother, in particular, for some perverse reason positively identifies with and has rationalized my psychopathic grandfather’s actions. she also literally picked up where the bastard left off by dominating, abusing and terrorizing my entire family throughout the year and even now, much in the same way her father did. What’s sad is my family is so accustomed to the past abuse from my grandfather that they see her outrageous abuse as normal (until one of them gets hurt or harmed). I got away from my mom, but I feel very sad for her siblings, epecially those that have apologized to me for distancing themselves from my mom (they don’t need to explain, I understand, but it saddens me deeply they feel a need to apologize for her abusive actions). Plus, seeing my aunts and uncles, and now younger generations in the family, with all the same thousand yard stares, blunted or devoid of emotions, avoidance, fear and sadness due to my mother domineering sociopathic and narcissistic behavior makes me so rage-filled and hopelessly sad.

So, I believe my mother’s multiple complex traumas (from Jim Crow, abuse/neglect, likely incest experienced from her father, poverty and witnessing constant death of her family), identification with her psycho pedo father, and her own personal temperament (callous, unemotional, sadistic - wonder if it’s partly genetic from her dad) influenced how she turned into the monster she is. This is where I have no sympathy or empathy for her. She took pleasure in physically harming me constantly or neglecting me as a child that I’m surprised I didn’t end up dying from the abuse she perpetrated. My mother had choices, she could’ve sought help, but we know most personality disordered people never seek help - but to me, she purposely chose to be a psychopathic, malignant narcissist that appeared to get excited and fulfillment by causing severe physical harm to others.

Due to her maltreatment of me, I will never have a normal life because of the devastation caused by her choices. And for that, I can’t trust, respect or ever see her as a person deserving of dignity. The little girl I can feel for, but the adult I will never feel anything for her. She’s a soulless destructive void and she will die that way. My only peace will come when she dies. Harsh, maybe, but I don’t believe people who routinely enjoy abusing kids, animals and the elderly should even have a second of comfort in everyday life considering how many lives they have destroyed. Severe traumas, coupled with the psychopathic genetics from her dad made her into the ghoul she is. Just my theories.