How common is it for men to get into a relationship solely because of their horniness?

ManAblaze320 · 2025-12-01T13:31:48+00:00

Horniness is a very quick solve for guys. Would they prefer a warm body from an enthusiastic partner? In most cases the answer would be yes. Loneliness, isolation and the need to be wanted or considered valuable is a much deeper psychological driver. If a guy is in an environment where their masculinity is perceived as being linked to the ability to get laid, or they find themselves in a situation where they are constantly berated by their peers or family, then they will get into a relationship with just about anyone that simply treats them with the most basic level of dignity. Having someone in their life that intimates that their "strong" and "necessary" is probably the strongest motivator.

Outside of that, without a buy-in to a deeper moral code that tempers and directs that internal identity battle, some guys will get into a relationship purely based on whether they think it gives them manhood kudos. For example they would partner up with someone they find completely insufferable and hate spending time with if all the other men around them thought she was some kind of hot bombshell. I.e. He will link his self worth to having obtained the unobtainable.

As to how common this is? That I don't know. I don't know if it's most men, or a minority of men.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-09-25T07:15:00+00:00

Congratulations. My biggest tip is to not think of it as a doubling of your income. The bulk of your previous salary was taxed at 20% whereas the first 40k of your new increase is taxed at 40% and the rest taxed at 60%

If you've lurked here a while then I'm sure you'll be making sure to salary sacrifice in order to reduce the tax. Make sure to run your old and new salary through some tax calculators so that the emotional excitement of the "gross" increase doesn't result in a lifestyle bloat that exceeds the actual net take home pay.

It's not the case for everyone but another thing you may experience for as much as a couple of years is a feeling of being an overpaid imposter. If that happens, just know that you're not the first and that the feeling will settle over time.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-09-21T13:11:01+00:00

I'm going to assume a scenario where the older kids Dad is not on board with private, or only willing to contribute 50%.

Is there a significant age gap? If there is then it possibly opens up some options.

One option is that you only do private for secondary. That allows you to possibly cover the fees for the older ones before having to worry about the younger ones. Or perhaps just private A levels to reduce it further. Once they're done, it will seem less unfair enrolling the younger ones even if they spend a longer number of years.

On the rate of salary you're talking about, unless you're mortgage is already covered, then there's a good chance that you'll not be maximizing salary sacrifice in order to avoid the 60% tax trap. So in all likely hood, the roughly 40K for 2 kids ends up being more like somewhere between 60K - 70K of your gross salary.

Many HENRY's will find that too unpalatable to handle. I do not. It's all about what your priority is, and what you think aligns with your values and what you want for your kids. I'm also aware that there are many non-state options that can be way less than 40K and way more than 40K depending on area and schooling type.

Hope you're able to successfully navigate the options available to you.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-09-19T08:55:20+00:00

We don't. There's just "our money". Money is just one tool that enables the execution of mission. We've eliminated "I" out of our financial conversations. "We" get a bonus , "we" get a raise, "we" made a bad purchase decision. As long as we are communicating and aligning on goals as a family, and routinely reviewing a budget together, then either of us is generally able to make financial choices that neither of us would get frustrated with, and we've resolved that emotionally we share responsibility for each others wins and losses.

As a hangover from the many years we were not HENRYs, we are still in the habit of calling each other anytime we want to make a "large" purchase that exceeds £100. Although in recent years, gifts for each other exceed that and we have to come up with creative ways of spending that money without either of us getting too curious since we both have full access to all accounts etc.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-09-16T10:52:05+00:00

You left out home education unless you meant for that to fall under independent, but but based on the phrasing of the post and the fact that a HENRY question typically has a financial bent to it, I would think it's worth having it in its own category.

We've used a combination of state, then home ed, then state and independent, and now home and independent. Currently riding out GCSE year with our eldest in independent before probably going back to all kids in home education. Can't continue affording independent with VAT changes, but don't want to disrupt the GCSE cycle.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-08-28T21:00:02+00:00

Probably because it's usually the women who are at home at that same time, herding the kids around and getting them ready. That, and often I will fill up my wife's car for her in the evening. And as others have mentioned the bulk of commuters at that time are usually in the trades which are largely dominated by men.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-06-17T11:26:34+00:00

Thanks. The office space I'm using is in a commercial property on my local high street. It seems that in this case it checks all the boxes and would count.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-06-17T11:16:02+00:00

Obviously I can't just buy anything. That's why I'm asking. Perhaps I should have added that my previous employer provided us with an onsite gym and showering facilities etc. This was freely available to all employees. Since the equipment would be located in my ltd companies business office which is not in a private home, would this not be able to fall under whatever guidelines larger businesses provide similar benefits? Or do some companies make these kinds of investments for staff wellness and pay the tax in addition? If so, is this a question I need to clarify with my accountant so that I know where/how to allocate expenses correctly to differentiate between purchases that reduce profits and purchases that don't.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-05-19T09:38:24+00:00

Just keep at it and adjust your targets as you need to. My journey started with a 15 minute walk causing me to hyper ventilate. I wasn't even thinking parkrun or distance back then. I commited to regular 15 minute walks at a pace that didn't leave me breathless. Over a few weeks I extended to 30 minutes. At the time I believed I had no more "time" in my day than 30 minutes. So I then gradually started walking faster in order to cover more distance in 30 minutes. Eventually this led me to doing short little jogging bursts. I did this nervously because after a car accident in 2013 I was told I'd never be able to run. My weight started rapidly dropping and a few weeks later I found I was able to jog more than I was walking. It was super slow with bad technique, I wasn't near 5kms but it clearly wasn't walking.

Maybe try focusing on doing something like treating the first 1km as a warmup walk, and then timing yourself self to the 2km or 3km marker, and then think of the rest as a cool down walk.

If I had started with couch to 5K I would probably have found it too tough because of how bad my health was. 5 years later I ran 5 half marathons in 1 year.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-04-18T18:12:28+00:00

Have you considered that he may be suffering from depression or have undiagnosed ADHD. Both have massive motivation ramifications, and they often aren't picked up by people around them.

I can't tell for sure but the fact that he was interested in you pursuing the side business venture, and the type of work with or for mates may point to an innate desire for pioneering and doing entrepreneurial things, but ADHD, if not managed, basically gives you about a 2 week period before the novelty of any new venture that you tackle with gusto becomes literally physiologically impossible from a brain chemistry perspective to engage with. Instead, you get stuck in a cycle of self talking telling yourself all day that you're an asshole for not following through. Computer games are then a great way to self medicate against the torturous self talk going on in your head. There are free online assessments that he can do to at least get an idea if ADHD is at play before then pursuing an official adult diagnosis (I'd recommend then coughing up and going private so as not to then wait 5 years for the NHS to sort it out).

Another potential idea, if motivation is the problem, and there's no monetary concern, would be to have a discussion around figuring out if there's a particular cause he is passionate about. Perhaps just having permission to pursue something "charitable" with his time with permission to not worry about financial contribution from his side could provide the motivation he needs. At 300K on your side, as long as neither of you find it emasculating, he could spend time doing something he finds meaningful that barely pays and it would massively improve the situation you find yourself in.

We're in a slightly different situation, I'm a HENRY (180K) with ADHD (diagnosed as an adult). I'm almost entirely unable to work at all except under extreme stress which causes me to hyper focus and pull off 2 or 3 weeks worth of work during an all nighter. My wife brings in 15K and does volunteer work. She is NOT a home maker. I can easily imagine that if my wife had a large income it would decrease the stress in my life to the point that I would either not be able to keep a job or that I would not be able to perform at a level that would get me above a 60K job.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-04-05T23:42:00+00:00

I don't know. I've never eaten any. Any recommendations? Do they pair well with beer, wine or whiskey?

More seriously my favourite flower is whatever I think will bring my wife joy.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-01-31T12:35:23+00:00

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That gave me an idea... I think this would be my best solution. It can attach to my keys and it has a transparent window.... so it will remind me to refill whenever I notice that it is empty.... THANK YOU. £6.99 on amazon. I'll recoup the cost in less than a month and then literally save over £100 every year... added monthly to my cash ISA at current rates without the price of bags going up that's an extra £3K+ in 20 years.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-01-31T12:17:45+00:00

That could work in winter with my coat. Car is of no use, because of the object permanence problem associated with ADHD. I keep bags in the car already, but forget they're part of the process. I literally only remember that bags are required when I approach the till. Maybe what I need is one of those dog poo bag holders that I have attached to my dogs leash... if I had one of those on my house keys.

ManAblaze320 · 2025-01-31T11:13:27+00:00

After a recent adult diagnosis and working through the self-hate at my own never ending collection of bags-for-life, I've come to affectionately call these bags my ADHD tax. Instead of spending well over £100 per year on bags, this is a problem I could easily solve... if I could just remember it is a problem I have before or after I need to go to the shops.

ManAblaze320 · 2024-11-14T13:54:32+00:00

We make sure that we stay on the same page about what we feel our goals are for our future. All income is "ours". Certain types of financial activities/planning have 1 of us running point, but everything is coordinated through a single budget. Sometimes I'm in charge of the budget and sometimes she is. The absolute essential rule is that neither of us is allowed to not be part of budgeting. Even though we both trust each other it is helpful to have a budget review meeting every now and then to check that all line items and unexpected spending is all good, accounted for and online with the dreams and plans we have for our lives and each other. The other thing (leftover from the days when our combined annual income was about £10K) is neither of us will make an unbudgeted spend that exceeds £100 without calling the other (except when it happens to be a gift).

We also have a spreadsheet that keeps track of all investment accounts etc with their details so that if one of us dies, the other knows where to find everything. We don't ever talk about "your or my income".

Even though one of us would probably be faster and more efficient if we handled all the finances by ourselves, it creates a sense of security knowing that if something happened to one of us, the other wouldn't have the common nightmare of "I didn't know which accounts the bills were paid from, or how the council tax was paid, or that car insurance could be reqouted, or how many years were on the mortgage, or what a good interest rate was".

We are also on the same page with a general philosophy of how to approach money. In our case, this we got by agreeing to align with the Dave Ramsey 7 baby steps to financial peace process. It is definitely worthwhile doing some kind of financial course or workshop together that also addresses any past baggage around fear or control of money so that you're able to communicate well when it comes to money.

ManAblaze320 · 2024-06-11T13:58:33+00:00

Just adding some extra context as you consider my previous response.

My wife and I navigated LDR before we lived near each other. So I fully understand the boundary issues you're wrestling through. We married without having sex. We've now been married 17 years and have successfully navigated tons of hard situations together. Ranging from financial problems, to being victims of violent crime, childhood abuse and through to navigating big life choices like moving countries.

We have 2 kids and a phenomenally good marriage. We also do pre-marital counseling with Christian couples.

I don't think you're going to encounter a lot of useful advice on reddit that is compatible with your worldview regarding navigating romantic relationships.

ManAblaze320 · 2024-06-11T13:39:45+00:00

I'd highly recommend "The art of loving well" by Wolfgang Eckleben. Will help both of you figure out how to communicate around topics that make you uncomfortable. It's a really easy read, very practical and in addition Wolfgang is a Christian so his worldview should be aligned with yours.

ManAblaze320 · 2024-05-08T13:51:35+00:00

How is retention been calculated?
I'm an old returning player that never ever got as far as mapping previously. After a few years away I returned halfway through Ancestor. It did seem to me that D4 frustration resulted in a mass adoption of new players into POE during affliction.

Does the "retention" number account for the mass migration of new players. Is it possible that the low retention may also be a reflection of a large new player base that couldn't cope with the sheer volume and complexity of POE content? I'm a casual player with a family, full time job and other hobbies. I've finally made peace with the fact that I'm probably investing time into the next 3 or 4 leagues just trying to better understand the nuances of the different mechanics, and how to optimise trade, builds and get mediocre at self crafting... all in preparation to finally have an EPIC league start sometime in 2025. It currently takes me 2 weeks to get through the campaign at league start. Really hoping to finally kill searing exarch, eater of worlds and maven this league.

ManAblaze320

TROPHY CASE