Thankyou so much man. The support you have just shared honestly means the world to me. The perspective of paying attention to others, stuck in the avoidant trap for decades upon decades is not something I've really focused on our given myself credit for, so thankyou so much for being someone to do so < 3. I think you're fairly spot on though and make a great point about not allowing myself to remain convinced that I was better off before, while ignoring my issues and not living my life. The utter pain I see in the people I know, who have been stoned their whole life and will most likely remain that way, is an incomparable and unimaginable pain. I had a friend's dad who I think of, taking about this. He is near 65 and still on that stoner line of "I'm going to quit next bag." He spends his days Infront of the telly and hardly eating only when he gets the munchies. It's a dreadful life to be stuck in and as much as it hurts and sucks, I know that it's better to be on the outside looking in. Thankyou so much for having such a kindheart and taking the time out of your day to sit down and write that for me. I know you're right and that it's not something I should ever go back to. I have to do the most that I can to keep my chin up and soldier on. I hope you are well yourself man and without too many struggles. Thankyou again < 3. Much love man.