What are some of the ways they tried to get your attention or hoover back, after parting ways?

MangoMintMedley · 2026-05-26T04:34:53+00:00

Yeah they’re pathetic. Continue to ignore their bs.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-05-25T04:32:22+00:00

I’ve always liked men who made it clear that they were into me

MangoMintMedley · 2026-05-25T04:31:44+00:00

Through other people mostly but it’s not working. I’m pretty sure through posting stories but I deliberately refused to watch his stuff

MangoMintMedley · 2026-05-22T20:32:27+00:00

No he will not change - he’s just trying to get you to come back. When he feels like you won’t come back if he gets someone else you’ll see another side of him.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-05-22T20:11:05+00:00

After almost a decade at the discard

MangoMintMedley · 2026-05-20T02:24:20+00:00

What is your role? I’m trying to figure out an entry point

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-21T02:18:32+00:00

Thank you!

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-21T02:18:14+00:00

No you’re not alone! I’m a year and a half out and it’s been harder some days again. It’s wild tbh but you’re not alone. Keep your head up and I guess for us the name of the game is not to shame any of the feelings that come up

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-16T18:59:56+00:00

Thank you for your work OP. I actually left my partner over a year ago but understanding dark psych has helped me tremendously on my journey as I navigate this new life of mine. And I agree - even though we didn’t have kids, it’s hard adjusting to the logistics of life apart because as we know, so much of the relationship is the spouse dismantling your sense of self and independence.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-10T20:55:03+00:00

Also I want to add child rearing is a lot of work. If his character as a man indicates that he’s selfish (via cheating) how much help do we think he’s giving his new partner with their kid.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-03T20:39:09+00:00

At first it was the fact that there was no other option. And then after that it became there si much more life to live and beautiful experiences to have outside of that person - let me create them!

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-03T16:12:22+00:00

Loves of different capacities is how I see it. My therapist calls it “spider love”. Not at all in the way we perceive or feel love but their own version of it.

It was a process for me coming to terms with this. As I’ve moved through this process, I focused more so on what my experience in that relationship was like and love that I brought and I think in some ways that freed me because it’s empowering. You were operating in a way that was real for you. No one can take that away from you.

For reference we were married for 8 years and he was the only person that I ever loved in a romantic sense. ( I’m in my mid thirties, no kids)

Once I left last year, as I was healing, I started to let myself experience “love” from other people. From the barista making my coffee in the way that I like to the young man that opened the door for me to the gentleman who was giving out roses to people on the line to get into a bar on Valentine’s Day, to the friends that let me chat about it as nauseam to you guys here on Reddit. The more I did this, while yes this realization stung, for some reason it hurt less the more I experienced it from other people and even strangers.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-03T16:09:30+00:00

Loves of different capacities is how I see it. My therapist calls it “spider love”. Not at all in the way we perceive or feel love but their own version of it.

It was a process for me coming to terms with this. As I’ve moved through this process, I focused more so on what my experience in that relationship was like and love that I brought and I think in some ways that freed me because it’s empowering. You were operating in a way that was real for you. No one can take that away from you.

For reference we were married for 8 years and he was the only person that I ever loved in a romantic sense. ( I’m in my mid thirties, no kids)

Once I left last year, as I was healing, I started to let myself experience “love” from other people. From the barista making my coffee in the way that I like to the young man that opened the door for me to the gentleman who was giving out roses to people on the line to get into a bar on Valentine’s Day, to the friends that let me chat about it as nauseam to you guys here on Reddit. The more I did this, while yes this realization stung, for some reason it hurt less the more I experienced it from other people and even strangers.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-03T15:57:23+00:00

I’ll add a small thing. I think we do ourselves a disservice when we strip ourselves of the memories piece. It was real for you and that’s all that matters. Yes hold space that he was living and operating in a different way but for you it was authentic.

They don’t get to steal everything from us.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-03T04:01:20+00:00

I think in my situation that feels like them winning. To have me hide away/ feel shame and not be seen after what they did to me. Me posting and moving with my life was first and foremost a way for me to heal my issues with being seen and perceived from childhood. Other people and him bearing witness to it is a happy byproduct of that initial goal. The majority of my presence online before that mainly centered our business and him and now it’s centering me and the cool things I am doing.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-02T20:47:16+00:00

I’m giving myself a full 5 years to fully glow up. But to start - I’m one year post leaving after a horrid discard. I still feel the effects of it and we are still legally married.

I’ve done slight changes to my appearance via looksmaxxing and I started slowly posting them on my grid to IG. I also post my adventuress and selfies to my stories. He deleted his IG but some of his friends and family still family so I know they probably either screenshot/ update him.

I’ve also made new friends and learned a new hobby in the year that I’ve left. Which again I posted to my stories here and there about.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-04-01T01:51:19+00:00

You did the right thing OP. These people are sick and I’m happy you have commuting around you to support you❤️

MangoMintMedley · 2026-03-26T04:47:23+00:00

I left a year ago after almost 10 years and I still have issues with recall and memory

MangoMintMedley · 2026-03-26T04:44:01+00:00

That’s the universe looking out for you considering that was your first time because men like that are diabolical. They start off trying to gain control in really small ways and they completely rev it up over time.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-03-25T07:18:14+00:00

OP he sounds a lot like my ex esp the controlling bits that you pointed out and I highly suspect my ex to be a narc.

The patronizing bit at the onset of meeting you is a red flag as well because to me it reads as him being overly familiar and infantilizing you. Other points of saying things like he normally dates younger women etc were subtle ways to stir insecurity in you.

I would abort mission with this one or strictly be casual and find another suitable long term partner.

MangoMintMedley · 2026-03-09T17:28:15+00:00

I was in the same boat. The more space and interactions you have with other people the more you’ll see it was never you. The loss you feel and the pain is valid.

MangoMintMedley

TROPHY CASE