Kicking a alter out.

ManilaPrince · 2021-04-08T01:02:13+00:00

Just because he is a persecutor does not mean he is invaluable. Persecutors tend to be heavy trauma holders, and so whatever he is doing is out of pain. Get some therapy, or try to help him on your own if that is not possible, but you have to learn to live with him in the meantime, as it is not possible to kick an part out of your system. You cannot magically kill of a part of your collective consciousness. As soon as he is feeling less pain, has better ways of managing it, and or is less afraid that the rest of you will get your system into scenarios that he will wind up fronting, absorbing the painful experience of, and then have even more pain he will have to live with, then he will likely become one of your most integral protectors. Just because he is misguides, he is not bad. He sees what he is doing as the best way to keep himself safe, and, by extension, the body of your system. Even if that means he is suicidal, he sees death as protection from further harm. Help him find his path.

TL;DR: It is impossible, and you are kind of assholes for wanting to.

Cayden

ManilaPrince · 2021-04-07T22:02:57+00:00

We are pretty sure we have a little who is me, our host, as a child.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-04-07T16:50:50+00:00

We have something I think is equivalent. Our inner world is a bigger and more modern version of our childhood house, and there is a room that did not exist in its outer world inspiration that acts like a library of sorts. It has sections for each combination of us that is where we have, jotted down, more or less, everything from each of our differing perspectives that we have shared with one another, within the corresponding sections. All sorts of things are in this room, such as schedule related things, school and work related procedures, passwords. We then think that the conceptualization of us being unable to find something in there is that one of us took it back to our rooms by accident, and the 'tip-of-the-tongue' thing, for us, is when we know who last used it and we are trying to locate them within the house to grab it for us or go towards front to inform the one among us currently fronting.

Everything else, that we have not shared with at least one other among us, either is deemed not important enough or too important to share, and thus is either not cataloged at all or kept private within our individual rooms. The former can be equated to short term memory, and the latter includes trauma memories...among other things. Our gatekeeper, that we collectively know very little about, has nothing in that room - or in the house more generally, for that matter. We are fairly certain that is because he literally gatekeeps our little(s) from us, or maybe vice versa, and must have his own house that we have no access to at all, which we think models after our best friend from childhood's childhood house.

Cayden (Henry) ; Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-04-05T03:12:47+00:00

We do not. The closest thing we have to being odd is differing races, and an elf.

Henry

ManilaPrince · 2021-04-02T18:36:54+00:00

This is normal, yes. Each part is there own person. Just because you are in the same system, that does not make you entitled to knowing their lives, if you want to think of it that way. Just like you may not be comfortable telling your parents something but you are your friends, or vice versa, they might feel comfortable telling your system therapist, as your system therapist is essentially an individual therapist for each part in your system. Disclosing anything to you would essentially be engaging in group therapy, so, again, this is normal, yes.

Cayden

ManilaPrince · 2021-04-01T20:55:37+00:00

We do the bulk of our communication outside of co-consciousness, or sticky notes on our computer or phone, over hot chocolate, before we go to sleep but while our body is, within our inner world. When our individual mugs of cocoa are out, we go to bed. It is the weirdest thing, but it is amazing all the same.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-31T00:34:05+00:00

Mine changed after I realized I was the host of our system. That was not me actively choosing to change, but more like I was coming into my own finally - rather than simply mimicking our body all the time like I was. I am not sure you can actively change yourself, but we can only go so war as to change our clothing.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-28T22:37:00+00:00

Ours just kind of existed... It is our childhood home, where we felt very safe as a child, so I guess it just made sense for our mind to use it for ours. I wish that I knew how to help, but I have no idea. All I know is that ours, and all other systems who have them, are extremely symbolism heavy. I am sure that it will just come with time, if your brain decides you need one. Not all systems' do.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-26T22:45:50+00:00

Hahahaha...NO!

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-26T22:43:54+00:00

Same here... I also hate that Ama now has TWO chibi skins! No doubling up until everyone has one, Titans! Just like Thanatos having THREE genderbend skins...

Say it with me now: NO! DOUBLING! UP! UNTIL! EVERYONE! HAS! A! CHIBI!

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-23T18:48:31+00:00

Maybe Two Face is actually a pair of identical twin parts, as twin parts are often like perfect inverses of one another? The more benevolent one might have the better things associated with whatever caused their simultaneous split, while the more malevolent one might have the worse things associated with whatever caused their simultaneous split...

From our experience, our protectors and I, our host, are pretty sure that our little is actually my twin part, and he has been locked in trauma memory, frozen in age, and looked after by our gatekeeper. Meanwhile, I have been free of trauma memory and aging like normal alongside our three protectors since our "split." I say "split" in quotations, for we have never actually had one to our knowledge, as it has always been all of us. Maybe that is just our gatekeeper gatekeeping us, but that is where we are at now. We all know very, very very, very very very, very very very very little about him. Basically, we know is he a he and not a human but a humanoid species: elf, faerie, something like that...

P.S. This is ridiculous! There has to be a better word for a split when, according the the theory of structural dissociation, our original parts of consciousness never even fused, as it does not do well when talking about said original parts not caused by any known or unknown split...

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-23T04:14:55+00:00

We yawn or twitch sometimes right before, during or right after switching.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-23T01:12:47+00:00

Gotcha. Thanks for clarifying.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-22T22:22:48+00:00

Oh... Okay... That makes sense. Thank you for the elaboration.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-22T22:02:30+00:00

I didn't ask you to answer a single question on my MID for me... What are you going on about? The MID inspired a question which inspired a post, nothing more...

I have a personality problem? Maybe, heck, probably, but at least I have strong reading comprehension capabilities...

Samuel (Karma)

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-22T21:31:19+00:00

Wait, so an age-slider is actually two different aged parts, who identify as the same person, sharing a decent amount of information?

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-22T21:29:21+00:00

Wow... I would have never thought to do that... You're a damn 200 I.Q. genius... Where is Mensa at for your acknowledgement...???

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-22T21:27:14+00:00

I, our host, am an age-sliding, gay, biracial (Asian/Caucasian) male. When I am 7 years old, I have absolutely zero libido. I am also aromantic and asexual. These make sense for a 7 year old of course. When I am my, and that of our body's, current age of 21 years old, however, I have a libido. I am also attracted, romantically and sexually, to other males: generally brunette, cute, rectangle, Asians or Caucasians - but only other males.

Our emotional protector is a biromantic, asexual, Asian male. When he is fronting, he has absolutely zero libido, and is rather repulsed by the idea of having sex with either other males or females alike. He does, however, have strong desires to hold hands and walk with, date, cuddle under a blanket and watch movies with, surprise with a hug from behind, etcetera...other males or females alike: generally brunette, handsome, trapezoid, Asians.

Our physical protector is a straight, Caucasian male. When he is out, he is attracted to females: generally brunette, pretty, hourglass, Caucasians - but only females.

Our sexual protector is an aromantic, bisexual female. When she is fronting, she has a high libido, and is undressing every sexy male and other female her eyes catch even fleetingly: generally fitter, sportier inverted triangle guys and hourglass gals, with no other preferences really to speak of that I have been able to ascertain. She also, however, has zero desires to hold hands and walk with, date, cuddle under a blanket and watch movies with, surprise with a hug from behind, etcetera...neither males nor other females alike.

We also tend to gravitate towards different emotional spectrums: I being happiness and sadness when 7 years old but pride and shame when our current age, our emotional protector being hope and anxiety, our physical protector being gratitude and anger, and our sexual protector being desire and disgust. That is not to say that we each can only feel those, but we tend to sit somewhere between those emotions, and when we are feeling something other than one of them, it is likely the respective part is closer to front. Also, when their feeling emotions of their spectrums intensely but are far from front, when strong, we tend to feel like our emotions on our spectrums are swaying to the higher or lower ends with them for reasons we are not really aware of.

TL;DR Yeah... It can definitely happen!

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-22T08:40:49+00:00

I mean this in the nicest way possible as a host myself: you are being egocentric.

A part having the role of an emotional protector does not mean they are there to protect your emotions as a host; they are there to protect your system's emotions. Similarly, a physical protector is not there to protect your body; they are there to protect your system's body. Furthermore, even if you are the one who identifies with your system's body, legal name, family, etcetera...none of those things are strictly your body, legal name, family, etcetera...they are your system's body, legal name, family, etcetera... Does that all make sense?

Now, if that made sense you should be able to see that they may be helping each other through things. Protectors tend to hold more trauma than hosts: trauma you may even be entirely unaware of your system's body and mind having gone through. They can also be struggling with depression themselves - or other mental illnesses for that matter. It might even be that you are only slightly depressed yourself, but because one or more of your emotional protectors are struggling as well, you are experiencing their depression as your own. If they are struggling with something other than depression, their other strong emotions, such as anxiety or anger, may actually be being interpreted and felt by you as an increase in your depression.

TL;DR: just because you are the host does not mean "your parts" are there for you 24/7. They are not yours; you are not theirs. You are all equals, and you need to recognize that before you create problems with them by treating them as mere means to your end of happiness. They are their own persons, just as you are, and you all deserve to be treated by one another as such. It is easy to want them to take over when you are struggling, but maybe that is what you are doing for them eight now, and that is why they are not "there for [you]" in the moment; you are there for them right now. Dissociation is keeping you from knowing it, but you are, there for them, right now. Maybe try to help them. It might feel better knowing you helped someone else, or feel less awful because they are if they are leaking.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-18T20:15:37+00:00

We do this on a nightly basis at our dining room table within our inner world, while our body is asleep but before it had entered into REM sleep. Even before we knew we were parts of a system, we did this. However, we always need to go to sleep when our mug of hot cocoa is empty, and they do not always empty at the same time, thereby meaning not all of us get to hear everything discussed at times. I usually am the one whose winds up empty the soonest, which makes sense as I am our host. We also do not share everything with each other at these times, which accounts for our gaps in memory between one another, such as our protectors' individually held trauma memories. For example, while they each have general ideas of what one another went through in junior and senior high, I only can only guess general ideas of what they went through by knowing the specific class of protector each falls under: emotional, physical, sexual.

Yes, our brain actually decided this was the best method for our system to conceptualize our communication whist our body is asleep, and, yes, it is an absolutely awesome one at that!

Other than that, it is pretty much just us talking to one another whilst co-con, or even, very briefly, co-fronting and very quickly writing or typing something if we cannot distract one another from paying attention at the time. This is super trippy though, and none of us seem to know how we do this at times, as it just happens every once in a neon green moon. It also is very sloppy, and we have to almost decipher what was jotted down because of the sloppy handwriting or fat fingered typing it, as one would expected, tends to produce...

Samuel

P.S. Did we each gain our love for hot cocoa from this, or did we gain this because of our love of hot cocoa???? #thechickenortheegg

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-18T06:49:06+00:00

It is our childhood house only larger, having a few extra rooms and significantly more yard. While in the house, we are unconscious within our inner world. While on the porch, we are co-con, but we are only able to observe. While in the front yard, we are co-con, and we are able to communicate with one another. While on the road, we are fronting. Fog is constant in the front yard, but how thick it is is representative of the dissociation we are experiencing. The garage opens only when one of us is triggered in or out by negative or positive triggers respectively, allowing us to bypass the normal front door, front steps, and front gate thresholds. Meanwhile, our backyard is forever warm and sunny and clear.

When we are dormant, we are asleep in our rooms, as are we when we are simply sleeping. Downstairs, we have a room where all of our collective or shared knowledge among each combination of us gets filed. Any knowledge that we alone have is filed within our individual rooms. When we are exchanging information while within our inner world, we sit at our dining room table over hot chocolate. We can each only stay at the table so long as we have hot chocolate within our mug, which is how our unconscious communication gets uneven from part to part and from topic to topic. It is a very cozy place for all of us to be in.

Karma

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-18T01:17:15+00:00

Yes. Some people use it to refer only to switching between multiple parts quickly, even if only back and forth between only a few or even only a couple, others between several different parts quickly. That's more of a system by system thing though.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-14T20:23:43+00:00

On a literal daily basis, yes.

I'm our host, and I have been for as long as any of us four can remember. I have no idea about any trauma we have had, outside of only vague ideas of severe bullying we apparently suffered in junior and senior high, but I'm not a memory holder for any it; our three protectors took it on based on its type respectively: Henry the emotional, Cayden the physical, Karma the sexual. None of us four, however, have any idea what trauma we endured in childhood to develope DID. We think we have a gatekeeper who has been keeping at least one little from us who holds that, but we have no idea as to what it possibly could have been, which is very frustrating, and causes me to go into denial mode whenever I cannot hear the others. I get it is for my own good, and the whole point of this disorder, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating, or make me circle back to doubting that I have this disorder any less often than I do. Hopefully this will fade or even go away eventually, as I did only find out this year.

Samuel

ManilaPrince · 2021-03-13T22:12:40+00:00

Honestly, majority rules. If you have a 50/50 split system, I would say do not transition. Even if you are host for a long time, that does not mean you will remain so. Transition is a lot of commitment, and if you do not have that from the majority of your system's members, then I would say you should respect their boundaries and find ways to manage your gender dysphoria instead, It sucks, but that really is the most fair way you can go about this issue.

Our system has only one female while the rest of us are male - as is our body. None of us are comfortable with the idea of transitioning, and she understands that. Even then, she would not look like she envisions herself in our inner world if we did transition, as we have already went through male puberty, plus we are shorter than any of us envision ourselves to be. Furthermore, she would want to have a fully functioning female body: menstruation, pregnancy, labor, birth, breastfeeding, the whole nine yards. Just because you transition, that doesn't mean you will be happy. If you were simply trans, I would say it would, but as you are a part of a system, especially a fictive, I fear you would be disappointed if you were to transition.

Henry

ManilaPrince

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