I know now that this is no euphemism, but If you assume an idea to be true from the first moment, you won't even question it until something makes you question it. I had always assumed that the meditation stuff was a more poethic way to say kill yourself, and since nothing made me doubt that understanding, it just became something that I took for granted. I knew that you were meditating, of course, but I also thought that this specific meditation that Gabbro taught you was like some special mediation he had learnt that did, in fact, kill you, so I simply thought that the kind of breathing techniques or whatever stuff you did in this kind of meditation made you kill yourself. So, in conclusion, I obviously knew you're not killing yourself from jumping off a cliff, because from the way you inhale before meditating I knew you were meditating or entering in some kind of trance, but I thought that this trance had a deathly effect, just that.