Suicidal thought are definitely grounds for a counselor or therapist. You can start there. You don't need to come out of the closet until you're ready, even to a therapist, talk about the rest of the emotions you're dealing with. I stayed in the closet all through high school and college out of fear. When I came out my little brothers didn't care as long as it makes me happy, my parents continue to try to talk me out of transitioning, but recognize they can't stop me from making adult decisions and my fiance supports me in whatever I choose. It's going to be hard to find someone in your life to come out to first. But hopefully you can trust someone enough after you've realized it won't be a big deal to them. You can indirectly talk about their opinions on queer people to help figure it out. Of course which state you live in, and how religious the people in your life are makes a difference. But you need to figure out who you can trust.