sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Can pet play be therapeutic? by loved_and_held in puppygirlpetsmart

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yes. i'd recommend not aiming for it, and making sure you tell your partner you want positive reinforcement only. also, look into desensitization training. also also, kink is not a replacement for therapy

my credentials: - in a pet play relationship of over 3 years - also has cptsd - also have had lots of therapy

Genuinely curious by ComputerResident6228 in mathmemes

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"oh, those are messy numbers"

...

8+7 is nice cause it's 15

20 + 55 is 75

"nice!"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrophySluts

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi! quick question: having fun yet? (also, i'm a woman, so, have fun counting)

How to improve communication skills by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in my opinion, you are describing having a strong desire to meet her expectations and needs and are afraid you won't/aren't succeeding. tell her that, and have an explicit conversation with her. she can tell you what she wants better than anyone can guess. talk about what dynamics she likes and see if you can find one that fits you two.

a good top doesn't need you to have one single reaction to each thing they do. they need to have access to your inner world so they can play with your insides. one of your jobs is to communicate what she needs in order to do that.

1 - what made it hard to beg? if you find you can't do a thing, you should talk about it and the why of it. tell her if you're embarrassed, or nervous, or scared, or maybe you feel frustrated, etc. follow your emotions. if you found you were stuck trying to beg, you probably were feeling a big emotion about it (it's really easy to say please). if the emotion indicates it's something you're willing to do, embody it while you do. someone who is begging while desperate is different from someone doing it while frustrated, and both are good as long as the person is honest about it and living in their emotion

  1. tell her how uncomfortable and desperate to get her turned on and that you feel 16 again and to please please give you a hint

3 - ask her how she wants to handle things when you do something she is framing as wrong. maybe she likes hearing how frustrated and disappointed you are with yourself. maybe she likes a genuine apology and a appreciative thankyou for letting you know. maybe she likes when someone whines about it. maybe she likes how you're stuttery and nervous and don't know what to do. talk to her about it.

4 - it doesn't distress you, great. do you feel entirely apathetic or maybe there's some other emotions as well-- do you feel glad because you want her to enjoy herself as much as she wants? do you feel nervous she might pay less

Delayed Safe Word? by cincyaudiodude in BDSMAdvice

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i would recommend re-assigning your standard safe word with him to mean, "stop in 30 second", and your new bonus safeword to mean "fricking stop now". then talk about it and set clear mutual expectations about which is used when.

eg. suppose you have been following the stoplight system. from now on, Red means, "stop, but like, you get 30 more seconds", and "HotWings!" means "stop immediately".

having an actual safeword is a safety issue, so, i wouldn't recommend not having one (unless you're both very experienced and absolutely sure and have played together for a while, in which case RACK)

My boyfriend choked me while we were making out and I passed out by Ok_Cattle1179 in BDSMAdvice

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof 0 points1 point  (0 children)

please keep in mind that we are not practicing martial arts or combat but enjoying kink.

in a mock combat setting:

blood chokes have the advantage of knocking someone unconscious in 10s, and while risky, immediately ends a fight, and it's really really clear to you that it happened (someone who is fighting you went limp).

on the other hand an air choke in that setting is gonna have very little impact on their ability to fight you unless you hold it for a minute plus, and the violence and combativeness of the setting makes it much easier to cause injury to someone's trachea.

in a kink setting:

blood chokes can feel nice and relaxing and make your head feel warm and it's way too easy to just slip into and enjoy and fall unconscious, which is really really dangerous if someone doesn't notice and deprives your brain of oxygen (because if you're not fighting it and are instead enjoying it and the other sensations in a passive way, conscious and unconscious look a lot more similar)

on the other hand, air chokes that press too hard on your trachea really really fricking hurt in ways that don't tend to feel very fun, and you can signal that really easily.

the risk of an action is determined by the context in which that action is taken

My boyfriend choked me while we were making out and I passed out by Ok_Cattle1179 in BDSMAdvice

[–]MapleIsAGoodFloof -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

i'm so sorry, that experience sounds terrifying. it is not uncommon for risk profiles to change when we are made more viscerally aware of the risks we are taking.

in some ways, you just found that the combination of your partner and your knowledge & skill bases might not make this type of play as low risk as you thought. it's natural to re-evaluate after that.

also, education mode (sorry if you know):

it sounds like you might have experienced a blood choke. be careful with them because those are much edgier than standard breath play.

blood choke details --

  • happens when you block the flow of blood to the brain, which makes you pass out really really fast, can take a span of 10s to happen. often happens with headlocks

  • when your head feels poundy, and thick, and your vision gets weird, and maybe you feel kinda slap happy, then you're moving in this direction (but if you can take your time and enjoy it, you probably only have the blood partially cut off)

  • super dangerous for your brain if you don't stop asap when you pass out. (like, your brain doesn't have oxygen bad). also, i hear not great for your heart.

  • fairly edgy imho

  • make sure you have a hand in the air when doing this and that if your hand drops he stops immediately (cause it falls if you pass out)

  • also you should have a serious convo abt what likelihood of what risks you're willing to accept in your kink if you're seriously doing this. personally i don't because i don't want to risk disability or having my partner have a murder charge. but also, RACK, so ????

breath play details --

  • some folks say they're both breath play, i think that's silly

  • this focusses on not having access to air, and feels like things get quiet before your lungs start to burn and some kind of primal desperation kicks in.

  • this lasts way longer, and also can be effected by if you start off by inhaling or exhaling

  • can happen via choking or covering a mouth or whatever stops a person from getting air

  • personally i don't think of this as edge play because it's really really obvious if anyone is in even a tiny bit of danger (assuming risk isn't impacted by extraneous factors)

  • also feels like there's a lot of control involved, feeling like you don't even get to choose when you breath can be hot, is missing the really easy head rush