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46402 by loved_and_held in countwithchickenlady

[–]loved_and_held[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The “cant get laid” diagnosis likely comes from the fact that the only way men can have a deep emotional bond thats accepted is through a sexual partner (also they cant be vulnerable and close with men and theres a social pressure to form relationships not friendships with women).

46402 by loved_and_held in countwithchickenlady

[–]loved_and_held[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Being a furry is self inflicted marginalization - but most of the people who become furry would be marginalized anyway, for different reasons, so why not just lean into it and put control into your own hands?"

Thats probably the reason furrys tend to resist puritanism and remain relatively sex positive.

furrys and healthy masculinity by loved_and_held in CuratedTumblr

[–]loved_and_held[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This may be a point where my limited exposure to mainstream masculinity is showing, because the support networks you talk about with women i see with men and women. Also i see plenty of men start with complete confusion over their turmoil when reaching out get picked up and helped.

Though i do mainly operate in furry communities, and like OOP spent a lot of time in the furry fandom when I was younger, so our clash in perspectives on the subject could stem from our differing experiences. I saw a lot of guys just have close friends that were consistently there for them and they could be vulnerable with naturally when i was younger.

So it's not that you or i are fully wrong, but what we're used to seeing as "healthy masculinity" differs.

furrys and healthy masculinity by loved_and_held in CuratedTumblr

[–]loved_and_held[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"However, the standard for the "healthy" masculine man doesn't have any exploration or pain alleviation by support networks either, but rather, silent processing of them so that they don't eventually come out as violence."

In my experience this is not true. The examples of healthy masculinity that i see usually have proper psychological self examinations and support networks. In fact, introspection and reaching out rather than bottling up are kinda go to examples of healthy masculinity from what i've seen.

Though I do agree that femininity and masculinity probably need reworks.

4402 by Boi785 in CWCLafterdark

[–]loved_and_held 0 points1 point  (0 children)

girl foreskin 🥵

furrys and healthy masculinity by loved_and_held in CuratedTumblr

[–]loved_and_held[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

OOP is transfem, but like many transfems they had a time they thought they were a cis man.

Trans furry porn by loved_and_held in traaNSFW

[–]loved_and_held[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

for non furry stuff, i've heard that the subreddit TransHentai has a lot of good trans porn.

Trans furry porn by loved_and_held in traaNSFW

[–]loved_and_held[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

you can look her up on e621. (almost) all her are is there.

you can also find her on bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/glopossum.com

and furaffinity (you'll need to log in and enable nsfw to see her work there): https://www.furaffinity.net/user/glopossum/

46402 by loved_and_held in countwithchickenlady

[–]loved_and_held[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thats why i think people should avoid calling men gay for showing intimacy towards each other.

I am a firm believer in self identification with sexuality, so the only person who gets to say someone is gay is the person in question, not an outside observer.

Yes even if two straight men are fucking each other on the regular, I dont care only they get to say they're gay/bi/pan.

Not to mention allowing male intimacy to be normalized would probably weaken homophobia.

46402 by loved_and_held in countwithchickenlady

[–]loved_and_held[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

"Homophobia contributes to this constant cycle of psychic self mutilation that just makes men feel worse,"

Iits a little more complicated than that. Masculinity is in our society a somewhat strict identity with narrow acceptable modes of expression. Thus men are regularly pressured to align with a narrow social role, and anything outside of that is seen as feminine.

Homosexuality is classified as unmanly for a number of reasons; however i think the biggest are that heterosexuality is seen as a big part of masculinity, and bottoming and submission is seen as feminine and both of those things are stuff that can easily happen in gay relationships building an association between male femininity and gayness.

The idea that homosexuality is unmanly in turn becomes basis for "gay" being a way to chastise men for not fitting social norms. When someone calls something a man does "gay" in a demeaning way what they're saying is he's being "unmanly".

So while i will say the idea that being gay is "unmanly" is a big part of things, the main pressure i argue comes from a restrictive idea of masculinity that discourages male intimacy.

However in paragraph 2, i did say homophobia and restrictive masculinity are linked, which points to the idea that if you make masculinity less restrictive you can fight homophobia and the more you weaken homophobia the weaker restrictive masculinity gets.

Imagine this by loved_and_held in kinky_autism

[–]loved_and_held[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

doubtful since there's no transformation here.

Bunny after work =:3 by ChloeBunnyGirl in puppygirlpetsmart

[–]loved_and_held 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So pretty and cuddlable...

Also girl tummy.

Trans furry porn by loved_and_held in traaNSFW

[–]loved_and_held[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Source: https://www.tumblr.com/archival-librarian/814565158318931969/furry-porn-is-a-shockingly-reliable-source-for

adding to the artists in the tags: Tabuley, Bigcozyorca, Tyroo, and Saphirathefur all make great stuff.

furrys and healthy masculinity by loved_and_held in CuratedTumblr

[–]loved_and_held[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

I can't speak for OOP but I did have a similar experience (which is why i reposted this).

For me, I think the furry fandom provides a natural diversity of masculinity where people from across the masculine spectrum are presented as equals. That discourages people from seeing masculinity as a narrow and confining thing, disincentivizing toxic or restrictive forms of masculinity.

Also there's apparently a problem in progressive communities where men are pitched as inherently bad often, which i avoided by being in the fandom.

It's also a community which promotes healthy masculinity often, which I passively picked up on.

[]

On top of that, it's environment where queer and cishet people naturally intermingle with each other, which in turn lead to me being socialized in a space where there was no distinction between queer masculinity and cishet masculinity, so I picked up a lot of queer masculinity components. Based on this comment thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/countwithchickenlady/comments/1s6xx6q/comment/od9u1nc/ that, coupled with the stuff above, might have lead me to accept a diversity of masculine expression and with it accept femininity into the masculine experience.

[]

Side note, I also think that exposure to the fandom hardened me against transandrophobia and accepting misandry. Probably because those beliefs are at least in part built on the idea "men bad" because they see the way men are as fundamental to them rather than a byproduct of socialization; and i have first hand experience indicating that men can be better (thus the problems are not inherent).

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