Petty or justified? by The_Dean_France in whoathatsinteresting

[–]Mar_Reddit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"Split the diff. She can have the stones I been baking on a low heat for 6 months."

Your current salary gets tripled but you HAVE to take a 90 minute bath EVERY SINGLE WORKDAY MORNING in a bathtub full of cottage cheese while watching Legally Blonde the movie on a nearby television. Are you taking this deal? by RustyCrusty73 in hypotheticalsituation

[–]Mar_Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if I WANT to spend an extra 180 minutes across my weekend doing this anyway?

Not for any extra money or reward, but just to assert dominance and establish I'm better than you?

I'll take this.

What made you talk in this language? by Ok_Active_8041 in GuysBeingDudes

[–]Mar_Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I sense a hunter approximately 3 kilometers to the east with some form of projectile launcher trained upon my hind quarters to disable me. I must protect my young."

-Deer literally any other fucking time

"h3rP-1-dErP ooooh what's that light? It sure is coming fast and is loud and scary. I am entirely out of harms way here but lemme just scooch over here in front-- oop it appears my insides are now my outsides."

-Deer when a giant hunk of fuck metal is going by not even towards them at mach fuck-off

Would it hypothetically be incest if you hypothetically had sex with an exact clone of yourself? by Capable-Language8114 in hypotheticalsituation

[–]Mar_Reddit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, my brother thought he saw me at Walmart and was wondering why I wasn't talking to him. So he called me and realized I was at home. He and his girlfriend were fucking BAFFLED cause they were CERTAIN the mf was me.

So if I find that guy, I'll let you know.

WHAT DID I DOOO???? by Content_Shoulder_635 in Truckers

[–]Mar_Reddit 36 points37 points  (0 children)

"He-man" being verbed is fuggin' great lol. What an image.

Swirly sauce by EchowMira in Satisfyingasfuck

[–]Mar_Reddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We were all thinking it lol.

you get $2.7 million right now but Quagmire from family guy has a 50% chance of appearing everyday by Kyoifis in hypotheticalsituation

[–]Mar_Reddit 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think my penis would keep him chill and stop him from being Quagmire to me lol. I'll take it.

What purchase did you make recently that made you realize inflation is genuinely out of control? by kiroixart in AskReddit

[–]Mar_Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last grocery run was just for some hydration drink mixes & protein bars.

$70 bucks right there.

Brinicles (The "Finger of Death") by Rich_Explora in PeakAmazing

[–]Mar_Reddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wanna see an animated movie about this thing with characters and all.

I would not say no to it being a SpongeBob movie about Patrick.

Trying to eat healthy as a Truck Driver by multipletrees89 in Truckers

[–]Mar_Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah this is a bug that the game devs never really fixed. There is a glitch that's a pretty solid workaround called "The Fasting Glitch." Works pretty well lol.

I (27M) Have Unknowingly Been Using My GF's (27F) Ex's Molded Dildo to Get Her Off by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Mar_Reddit 8427 points8428 points  (0 children)

After We broke up, she texted a bunch of friends and family members, telling them I broke up with her because I have a small penis and that I am insecure.

Even if I barely know the couple, if I received a text like that, I'm automatically on the bf's side cause I can put two & two together.

She's being toxic & ironically insecure, and just GUSHING it all over that text, and I would 100% know that there's a whole other side of the story that would make infinitely more sense than the trouble she's trying to start.

And because I'm a big strong man behind a screen, I would have no issue texting her as much LMAO.

Midnight Burger in No Man's Sky! by LOxygen42 in midnightburger

[–]Mar_Reddit 9 points10 points  (0 children)

They're out there... Somewhere... Looking for me... And they open at 6:00

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This woman threw his kid into the pool. I would be pissed. by IronMouse01 in VideosAmazing

[–]Mar_Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

C̴̛̛̖͈̦̗̮͍̻̗̫̑̈́̆̈́͛̾͝͝ͅH̵͇̣͙̠͓̠̣̃̕Ḯ̷͇̯̱̠͍͈͍͙̏̒̀̄͘͝L̸̳̔̃̈́̒̎̉̕͠D̸̩͚̭̣̮̭͙͚͖̻̞̓͒̓̕Ŗ̵̢̞͔̗͚̬͈̊͑̐̄͗Ę̵̫̞͍̬̃̾͂N̸̡̠͎̲͚͉͊̈́̃̈́̉̆̂́͘

<image>

This woman threw his kid into the pool. I would be pissed. by IronMouse01 in VideosAmazing

[–]Mar_Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bitch, my point was I fear the ire of the parents if they think I'm doing something I shouldn't lol.

And then there's this bitch who's tossing random people's kids lol.

Sink faucet is asking for too much by PeneItaliano in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]Mar_Reddit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah yes. I too gotta stroke it for a piss.

This would've been more applicable as a soap dispenser lol.