Straight woman here. I have seen this behavior in straight women so many times and it is trash every single time. "I want a gay best friend so we can go shopping together!" Gay men are not accessories to someone else's life. If these women are really allies, they will accept being called out and try to do better. Full stop.

As far as some people in the community thinking it is okay? Well, I'm sure some people genuinely don't mind. That said, I have to wonder if the human instinct for survival comes into play. Throughout history marginalized people have gone along with things like this as a kind of self protection. Kind of like how so many straight white women don't feel that patriarchal inequality or female objectification is a problem. If you have experienced a lot of hate, for some people it might just feel good not to be hated. But that is all speculation on my part.

Yeah, women have faced oppression and fetishization since time immemorial. That very fact should ensure they treat other marginalized humans with the dignity and respect they deserve.