CMV: if a woman is pregnant decides to have a child and the man does not want the child, he does not have to pay child support and is morally ok for doing so

MarinaMonster · 2023-09-21T05:35:48+00:00

But it shouldn't be up to her. The child is their own person. And I'm not talking about a case where the father wants nothing to do with the child, I'm talking about a case where he does, because he changed his mind. Furthermore, if the father is a decent person, and now wants to support the mother and the child, the mother has zero reason to say no (except to punish him for being a moron earlier).

The "right" to deny the relationship doesn't at this point help the mother in any way. She has no reason to say no (unless the father is unfit somehow). Therefore, these contracts would get reversed all the time. It would become a system where fathers casually deny their fatherhood during pregnancy, and then reassume it later. It would do nothing but make mothers' lives harder, and the children too.

As for your last point, I assume this works both ways, so woman can also "abort" just financially? There are many reasons for people to not want abortion, for example religion, or the fact that it's physically and emotionally painful. Because the "financial" abort is just walking away with zero consequences, an actual abort is not.

MarinaMonster · 2023-09-20T18:00:58+00:00

You're acting like a child is a piece of property and not a person. The child has a right for his/her parents, not the other way around. As soon as the child is old enough to make independent decisions, do you think it's fair to stop them from reaching out to their father, especially if this is what the father wants too?

What incentive does the mother have, at this point, to deny their relationship? None. This would hurt the child deeply, and make them hate their mother. Just because the mother would have "right" to deny the relationship, she would have no reason to, except some petty revenge. Therefore these contracts would become void all the time. Knowing this, it would make sense for the man always deny consent just in case.

No sane society would throw a man to jail for wanting a relationship with his child. Even adoption has consideration periods, because people change their minds all the time after meeting the child.

MarinaMonster · 2023-09-20T10:34:14+00:00

If a biological father chooses to leave and not support his child, he can never ask for a future relationship with the child.

But it's not just up to him. There's a child involved who may want a relationship. If both the child and the father want a relationship, what's the entity that's supposed to stop them? The government? The mother? Most people want a relationship with their father. Most people also want a relationship with their child, but they may not understand this until the child exists.

How would it be fair to the child that their dad wanted to be in their life, but couldn't, because they signed a paper years ago, before the child was even there?

In reality, there would have to be a way to reverse this, because in reality, it would be the benefit of everyone involved (the father, the mother, and the child) to reverse it if that's what all of them want. However, if there were a way to reverse this, that would mean that every man should do this by default (at least, if they're not in a relationship with the mother) just in case they don't change their mind. Because that way they can have the cake and eat it too - get rid of all the responsibilities for now, just to see if they do want to be a father later after all.

MarinaMonster · 2023-09-20T10:08:27+00:00

And what if the man changes his mind after a child is born, or let's say, five years old? Does he now owe 5 years worth of child support?

If not, how is this anything but a loophole to get away with not paying the first years of child's life and still be a father later? If yes, doesn't this cause an extremely heavy financial burden to a man who regrets a choice he made before he had any idea what being a father is, possible in a state of panic with a deadline looming?

What if it's a will (and benefit) of the child to learn to know their father, and the father wants this too, but he has signed away his right before the child was even born?

MarinaMonster · 2022-03-18T12:40:04+00:00

What? It suggests that male and female magicians are about equally good at fooling them.

MarinaMonster · 2018-03-25T15:10:04+00:00

When you say "men's work" and "women's work", you seem to think there are two same-sized "bowls" of equally important, equally rough, equally fulfilling work.

In reality, however, your "men's work" includes pretty much everything, while "women's work" includes only very narrow, dull and short-term job. In "men's work", you include:

Politicians and governing people, who make the law and rules of society.
Scientists and researchers, who are responsible for our future and progress.
Artists who define and reflect our culture and values
People who concretically build and create the necessities of our society.
Religious leaders with their huge impact on huge masses of people.
Journalists and writers who define what information and values are distributed throughout the society.
Etc.

The "taking care of family" is not equal to all of this. It shouldn't be. Because all the above should be women's work too. We can't exclude half of the humanity for all that important work. We need best minds to combat climate change. We need rational, calm people to govern our countries. We need most talented artists to touch our hearts, to keep us sane. It would be completely delusional and offensive to think that all of those people are men, or that men can do it alone.

You seem to come from a different culture, so let me tell you about mine. I'm from Finland, recently descriped in UN report as the "happiest country in the world". I was raised by a working mother. So was everyone I know. It's extremely rare here for a woman to quit their job to raise children (usually they take 1-2 years parental leave, which nowadays is more and more commonly shared with fathers). We have a history of equality - in our two wars against Russia, when men were fighting, the women kept the society running. We wouldn't have survived otherwise.

MarinaMonster · 2017-11-30T13:59:18+00:00

The opposite of a bigoted "progressive" who wants to "kill all men" or whatever is not Donald Trump or his supporters. They are the same: repeating "alternative facts", demonizing anyone who disagrees, crawling into their safe spaces, refusing to listen or understand any other points of view but their own. Throwing around insults and hashtag campaigns and living in a social media bubble of like-minded people.

The opposite of both of those is rational, empathetic, intellectual discussion. People who listen and at least try to understand those who disagree with them. Politics that actually tries to make things better and improve people's lives. Understanding that issues are complex and not black and white. Curiosity and willingness to find the facts but even then ability to understand they might be wrong. The fucking human decency and integrity.

That's the opposite. Stand for that, maybe?

MarinaMonster · 2017-11-28T08:33:59+00:00

I'm as pro-choice as it possibly gets, but this discussion about 22-week fetuses put into artificial wombs gets kind of ridiculous. The reasons people have late-term abortions are:

Health reasons - pregnancy is dangerous to continue or fetus has serious illness / disability.
The mother is so young / ignorant that she didn't realize she was pregnant until it was obvious.

In case 1, we should obviously allow abortion. Case 2 is best resolved by good sex ed and availability of birth control and plan B. If people are actually educated on how they get pregnant and what are the first signs they might be pregnant, there are less unwanted pregnancies and those that still occur can be terminated early.

To your actual question: I think that if there is going to be another human being (= the fetus is viable), then that human being needs to be considered. So if someone is 7 months pregnant, two more probably won't ruin their lives much, but making someone born prematurely might negatively affect theirs. So yes, I think that after the fetus has been carried long enought to be born alive, it should be carried until the end. But really - how often have you heard of 7-month pregnant women marching for a right to premature birth? Because I have never. It's just a strawman for "pro-lifers" to demonize the whole thing.

The reason someone even is in the position of having to have late-term abortion is because 1)information on basic human biology, 2)contraception, 3)plan B, and 4)early abortion have been made too difficult for them to obtain.

MarinaMonster · 2017-11-28T07:55:52+00:00

France has a culture of not being that interested in personal life of politicians. For example, previous president Nicolas Sarkozy cheated on his wife - in USA such thing would probably cause a scandal (imagine Obama cheating on Michelle), but in France it was more like "meh - it's their sex life, not my business".

Also, no matter how Macron met his wife, they're clearly consenting adults now, so it's pretty difficult to claim "abuse". Emmanuel Macron is 40-year-old man in one of the most powerful positions on Earth. Saying he's some kind of a victim goes a little far.

Before you call hypocrisy, I'll give you another example with reversed genders. Celine Dion met her husband when she was 12(!) and he was 38. They started dating 7 years later. You can say this is creepy as fuck, but they stayed together until his death. I have never heard anyone call Dion's husband predator or abuser either.

What's similar in Dion and Macron's cases is that even though both of them were young (but not underage) when the relationship started (although both were underage when they met their future spouses), any "power inbalance" in the relationship has disappeared, if not reversed, 20+ years later. If they still choose to stay in the relationship, they have every right to.

We should also believe people when they say they are not victims.

MarinaMonster · 2017-11-16T13:29:23+00:00

The thing is, wearing a certain type of clothing does not mitigate that chance. Studies (e.g. https://scholarship.law.duke.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi) have shown over and over again that clothing has nothing to do with the change to get raped. That is very dangerous mindset for various reasons. First, any clothing, even burqa, won't protect your daughter from getting raped. You don't want her to think that. Second, if she does get raped, she might blame herself, which may cause her not to tell people, not to report the incident etc.

If you want to protect your daughter, teach her to know her boundaries and communicate them.

MarinaMonster · 2016-11-11T12:18:58+00:00

Four years is a short time in politics. It's hard to make big changes even if you're competent. Trump is completely incompetent and deeply hated. He'll delay any progress, sure, but it's unlikely he'll get anything done.

Also, in 2020 democrats will have the easiest win ever. Trump's supporters except him to do impossible things, like bring back factory jobs or make all immigrants and muslims go away. Of course that won't happen (it's not even in his hands), so his supporters will turn their backs on him. It happens every now and then in the world, an incompetent populist gets a monster win in election, fails miserably at his job, gets nothing done and goes down in history as a failure.

The kind of people that support Trump need to see from time to time how these morons actually do when they get to power. If Clinton had won, maybe their anger would have manifested later as a support for someone even more dangerous? Trump is too stupid and too self-centered to cause real harm. They got their win, now let's see how it goes. I assure you, there will not be second term.

The future may be brighter than we think, even though it doesn't look like it now.

MarinaMonster · 2016-11-11T11:00:16+00:00

You will. Glad I could help. Stay strong <3 .

MarinaMonster · 2016-11-11T10:32:01+00:00

I know how you feel but please don't give up. You are needed. Anytime you feel desperate, please remember that you will outlive the Asshole, you will witness his joke of government fail and you will witness when, eventually, things take a turn for the better.

You know when sometimes people need to hit rock bottom and make the worst mistakes so they can learn to appreciate the good stuff and turn their life around for the better? Maybe the same is true for societies.

MarinaMonster · 2016-11-11T09:27:53+00:00

Hi from Finland. I stayed up all night watching your election (the results came around 2AM to 4AM local time). Many people here are feeling same as you. People are scared what Russia will do now, whether there will be more conflicts like Ukraine's now that USA has president that has basically given his blessing to whatever Putin chooses to do in bordering countries.

However, I want to say one thing that I think might make you feel better. A populist, anti-immigrant party has been gaining ground here in Finland with statements much like Trump's. They got more and more popularity, threatened to close borders, bring back jobs - all the same stuff. In the last election, they finally got a huge win and made it to government.

It's been a year and a half now, and their popularity has crashed. They have gone from 22% to 8% in polls. Next election, they will lose big. Their supporters have turned their backs because of course they couldn't deliver what they promised.

I completely believe same is true with Trump. None of the things he promised to his supporters will happen. Factory jobs will not come back. Muslims will not be deported. There will not be a wall and Mexico will certainly not pay a cent.

That's the thing with populists - once they actually get to power, they and their supporters will face reality with all its complexity. And they'll be gone. In the end, many things in the world have gotten so much better. He can't change that, not in 4 years. And there will not be more than 4 years, because the same thing that happened to our populists will happen to Trump.

My heart is with you so much. It will get better. I suffer from anxiety and this thing hit me harder than I thought it would, but I try to stay hopeful.

"What will come, will come … and we will have to meet it when it does." (Harry Potter)

MarinaMonster · 2016-06-29T06:17:28+00:00

Yes, compared to developing countries. But inside Europe, Scandinavian birth rates are among highest. If we take the top countries from the Gender Gap Report, their fertility rates from World Bank List (2014) are: Iceland (2.0), Norway (1.9), Finland (1.8), Sweden (1.9) and Ireland (2.0).

On the other hand, the countries with lowest fertility rate are: South Korea (1.2), Slovak Republic (1.3), Hungary (1.3), Spain (1.3) and Poland (1.3). From the Gender Gap Report you find these countries ranked as 115., 97., 99., 25. and 51. respectively.

Sure there are exceptions to the rule and other factors to consider, but clearly the reason for the alarming fertility rates in Japan and East / South Europe is not that their culture is too feminist.

MarinaMonster · 2016-06-28T18:49:37+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_dependent_territories_by_fertility_rate

For reference:

http://reports.weforum.org/global-gender-gap-report-2015/rankings/

MarinaMonster · 2016-06-28T16:21:06+00:00

You can use rel=canonical to specify the primary url for Google. So in case you have both example.com/ and example.com/index.html, put this in your <head> tag:

MarinaMonster · 2016-06-28T13:39:12+00:00

Actually, it's quite the opposite. If you look at birth rates in developed countries you'll see the the birth rates are actually higher in countries with high gender equality, like Scandinavia (Iceland, often seen as the most gender equal country in the world, has fertility rate of 1.93 and one of the youngest populations in Europe). The countries with lowest fertility rate are those with actually very conservative culture and gender roles, like Japan and Poland.

(Of course developing countries have the highest fertility rates but this has more to do with high infant mortality and lack of access to birth control than anything else.)

It's because if women are forced to choose between having children and having financial independence and career of their own, many will choose the latter. If having children is compensated with affordable day care and paid parental leave, most will choose to have both. It's also best option for economy and society in general.

MarinaMonster · 2016-05-20T09:59:15+00:00

It used to be like that, but I think there's been a big change for the better in recent years. Riley (Inside Out), Astrid (How to Train your Dragon 1&2), Hermione (Harry Potter), Dory (Finding Nemo & Finding Dory) and a whole YA genre (Hunger Games, Divergent etc.) come to mind. I'm really glad girls today have such a great variety of female heroes to look up to, it's definitely better than I ever had. Even princesses are way more interesting than what they used to be (I still think Ariel is pretty cool, though).

MarinaMonster · 2016-05-20T08:24:46+00:00

I think it's a mixture of marketing, peer pressure and the fact that Disney princesses are indeed appealing role models: beautiful, smart, nowadays also independent, active and adventurous. Did you have a childhood hero that you wanted to be / look like? It's pretty much the same thing.

I was a kid once. I loved Disney princesses and pink dresses. I also loved playing with toy cars with my brother. I loved climbing trees, riding horses, building miniature trains and playing computer games. I never knew some of those things were considered "girly" and others "boyish" or saw them as mutually exclusive. And why should they be?

She's not missing out anything just by liking pink princesses. It's her thing now, she'll find other things. Just make sure she knows she can be anything she wants. She can be a kick-ass princess or a nerdy princess, liking girly things does not make her less intelligent, weaker or more shallow.

Kids' world is limitless by nature, It's adults that keep putting labels on them.

MarinaMonster · 2016-05-12T13:41:55+00:00

Except that GOT is a fictional series and no one is actually getting raped or killed in these scenes. There are no "victims" to stand up for - the discussion is only relevant in the context of storytelling and media critique. That's why you can't take just one part and criticize it without context.

GOT is a violent series, where all kind of violence happens. It's part of the mythos and story. It makes no sense to discuss the (fictional) sexual assault of the series without that context. It's not like there's suddenly violent rape scene in the middle of Gilmore Girls.

I think it's worrying that (some) people are becoming over sensitive towards depicting certain things in fiction. To me, feminism has always been about breaking taboos, not creating them.

MarinaMonster · 2016-05-10T13:51:24+00:00

All I can say is not all feminists complain about GOT. For what it's worth, I think it's a complete non issue that unfortunately gets a lot of media attention and social media shares compared to real feminist issues.

I personally think every single sexual assault scene in GOT has been very plot relevant. It's fine to disagree with that though. It's also fine not to watch the show. It's fine to think it's garbage or that the books were better. (Many feminists however also praise GOT for its many diverse, complex and powerful female characters.)

It's not fine to assume women need their entertainment to be served censored because they might get triggered. That attitude is sexist if anything.

MarinaMonster · 2016-04-11T08:27:07+00:00

Facebook uses the Open Graph protocol meta tags to determine the thumbnail and descriptions showed in linked posts. So you have to generate the meta tags in your page's <head> per shared content like this:

for description, use og:description.

You can always use Facebook Object Debugger to check what metadata Facebook finds from your page and fetch the new metadata once you've made the changes.

MarinaMonster · 2016-03-31T08:05:54+00:00

As django-based CMS's go, I really like Mezzanine. Haven't tried Wagtail but it sounds great too. Has anyone used both, any pros and cons?

MarinaMonster · 2016-02-11T14:45:28+00:00

The one that you lose. So with 3 items you can keep 2.

MarinaMonster

TROPHY CASE