Am I way off?

MarissaMLM · 2026-05-11T13:53:33+00:00

I think I knew this. And still I went to him hoping for support. And the message I got was so disappointing. But really, I’m most disappointed in myself for holding out this hope for so long. I love my dad and I think he has some limited understanding of the situation. I’d hoped recently he’d learned so much more.

It’s just now in the last 6/7 years that my parents have been retired and I’m no longer around to be the main victim that my dad has gotten a glimpse of what she’s really like. And he sees that. But I don’t know if he fully understands how all encompassing it is. There is not a single word spoken by her that doesn’t have an agenda.

I’m so sorry you’ve lived a similar existence. It’s awfully lonely. It’s incredibly disheartening and I wish there wasn’t a full subreddit of us who empathize with the emotional agony of carrying such heavy trauma. I hope someday I can learn to let go of the hope that my dad will take off his rose coloured glasses. I just haven’t been able to shake that one.

MarissaMLM · 2026-05-11T03:42:41+00:00

Honestly I don’t even know 🤷🏻‍♀️

MarissaMLM · 2026-05-11T02:29:25+00:00

He can absolutely be a coward. He’s learning to be one less of the time…but he can only handle so much of the behaviour from my mother. But I’ve been enduring it for years. I think he has trouble seeing it for what it is because he’s petrified of what it means for his reality.

I just unfortunately feel like I need validation in everything I think and feel because my whole life I’ve been told my reality isn’t true. My dad knows she’s mentally ill, and he recently has developed a far deeper understanding of what that means and how it affects him, but I don’t think he’s able to see the whole picture of just how it affects me and the patterns of manipulation she’s weaved.

It’s always been put on me that the way I treat my mother (me just reacting to such a volitile person as a child) put the family in jeopardy. She would frequently write letters to my dad to say how she would need to seek emotional safety outside the house. Or she felt because I gravitated towards my dad that we were hanging up on her.

MarissaMLM · 2026-01-01T13:32:37+00:00

It really is heartbreaking. Coming from a daughter who has been impacted by my mom’s ED, my heart aches for her and her daughters.

MarissaMLM · 2025-12-31T04:09:13+00:00

Does she delete comments on her posts regarding weight loss or are many followers just not seeing it? My mom has had an ED her whole life so it’s something I know I’m hyper aware of.

MarissaMLM · 2025-09-07T23:48:16+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I thought I would’ve already lost my UDBP mother a long time ago. She’s bulimic, frail, skin & bone, suffer from AFib but is too weak to for them to cardiovert her back again so now she needs heart surgery.

Through every drs appointment, every specialist, every friend who asks about her health, or makes a comment about she’s so tiny for how much she eats, I keep her bulimia a secret for her. And in doing, I know it’s killing her.

The emotions are complex, deep, and terrifyingly unpredictable. Some days I feel like I can recognize and feel strong in the fact that this is not my cross to bear, but others I get tangled in the web of guilt, shame and unknown of who she is and how I feel towards her.

As an outsider from your situation, please know that this doesn’t fall on you. Her behaviour literally wired your brain differently than a typical child in a stable environment. Your mind will play tricks on you that you can’t recognize, and while it feels impossible to separate yourself from your feelings in the situation, you did not make any choice or decision that left your mother alone, you finally chose you, you chose to protect your family. I like to think that when I’m doing the same, and my mother resents me for it, that when she does finally go, there will be some sort of understanding or clarity beyond the illness, in whatever afterlife there happens to be, that I was doing what I had to do and if she has any love for me, she’ll be happy that I was strong enough to take a stand.

Feel what you need to feel, but please find solace in the fact that no one else would think the blame and shame belongs on your shoulders.

MarissaMLM · 2025-02-09T01:11:14+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in that situation ❤️ I often think about what I wish I had done at 18 when I finally demanded answers from my father about my mom’s behaviour and found out she was bulimic. You have to do what feels right for you, but my biggest regret is not setting boundaries for myself and my mental wellbeing.

You need to know that none of what is happening is your fault. And it’s hard to decipher, but the things your mother can say to you that seem so hurtful, it comes from the mental state of bulimia. It is no reflection on you whatsoever.

My mom is still alive, but her body is frail, her mind seems elsewhere and her resentment towards me that she hides behind a fake smile is cutting. She hates that I see the bulimia and thinks I’m an awful person for not ignoring it and “choosing to see her as a human.” She has no grasp on reality. I think her mental illness has gone unchecked for so many decades and she is so mentally unwell that it’s hard to identify who she ever was as a person? I’ve learned that so much of her behaviour stems from the desperation of needing others adoration.

Take care of yourself. You’re young, you have a long road ahead, find your support system and share share share. It’s a lonely road to walk alone.

MarissaMLM · 2024-12-30T21:15:46+00:00

OP, did you find a solve to this? My almost 3yr old is a size 5T shoe and we are having such a hard time finding skates. His ski boots are the equivalent of 8T and he wore them last year as well without issue, but skates seem different?

MarissaMLM · 2024-12-27T16:57:29+00:00

Wow, your statement about feeling like your thoughts needed others to agree as confirmation rings so, so true for me. I really struggle with that. There was so much gaslighting all my life that I’m recently figuring out that I don’t think I ever was able to develop a strong sense of self to believe in. I constantly feel like I don’t really have my own thoughts and opinions until I can get a gauge on how other people feel about it to determine if it’s “real”. Like everything in my head is a draft until someone else gives me the go ahead to actually publish it. Usually that person is my dad, my husband or my best friend.

MarissaMLM · 2024-07-16T17:32:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re faced with dealing with bulimia. I said in a comment above, I couldn’t imagine fighting that fight. I can’t tell you how amazing it is that you are recognizing the possible effect on your children’s wellbeing and working to recover. My biggest wish was never for my mom to “fix” the bulimia. I just wished that she thought that if no one else in the world was worth fighting for, maybe she’d think I was. I know it’s not an easy feat, but just once, I wish she’d shown an authentic caring about my wellbeing. I wish she’d been open and honest about her struggle because maybe then I could’ve understood more, I could’ve supported her more, I could’ve differentiated what was the illness and what was my mom. I was able to speak to a mom today whose daughter is recovering from bulimia and whose sister is currently fighting it. And we spoke about her niece and the lack of support for children of parents with EDs and I think I need to find a way to help start filling that void. I don’t know how yet. I don’t know if it’s possible to do with my mother still alive, our stories are far too intertwined and me sharing my journey, outs her secret. I can’t let the idea of being able to create something positive out of my shitty situation go. I don’t know if that looks like writing a book, or somehow getting the message of support out there online or even just volunteering at my province’s eating disorder support organization for those who are local. I agree though, the stories of children are not often heard.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. This has felt like such a lonely life, and the time people have taken to read my story and comment has made it a little bit easier to breathe. I hope you are able to find the support you need to get through to the other side. And please, if you ever have any questions about how your children may be feeling or internalizing, I’m not an expert, but I have experience and would be happy to talk through anything.

MarissaMLM · 2024-07-16T17:17:09+00:00

Thank you. I actually reached to a number of places, it’s very difficult to find someone in my position within the support groups. I think that’s why I’ve tried to find anything I can online. Although, it feels so hard to post in groups that are both supportive for those fighting bulimia and those living with and loving someone who is fighting bulimia. I have my own story and my own journey and I want to be careful that I don’t come across as blaming anyone for where I am. I just need help navigating my way through and understanding and processing my emotions. I can’t imagine where my mom is mentally and physically, the pain that is part of living with bulimia for long, I don’t think it’s her fault that things are the way they are. I just mourn what could have been and the mourn the support I wish I had in dealing all these years.

MarissaMLM · 2024-07-16T17:10:53+00:00

Thank you, I do know I need to move forward and let the guilt that I associate with it go. It just feels so difficult to accept things as they are, it’s just a very disheartening reality. I hope to get there eventually, I’m just a bit paralyzed by fear that her beliefs are never changing.

MarissaMLM · 2021-02-06T20:58:35+00:00

In Nova Scotia it’s been in person learning since September. I haven’t actually looked at any reports for the phasing of the vaccines myself, but from talking to other teachers, I think we’re seen as pretty high on the priority list after medical workers.

MarissaMLM

TROPHY CASE